Behind The Spotlight

Episode 20

#BTSEp20

Lahat ay natahimik. Walang gustong mag-salita. Walang gustong gumalaw. We are all shocked as we watched how Liv tightened his jaw.

But the thing is . . . he is staring at me with a blaze that screams horror.

He is mad.

He is fuming because of me.

Then I gasped when I felt his hand to land on mine. He tightly grip it as he pulled me towards the door.

Wala akong laban. At wala akong balak lumaban. Kasi magpa-hanggang ngayon, I was still shocked. I am still intimidated by his aura. Nakakatakot ito. Ramdam ko iyong galit niya sa bawat paghinga niya.

He slammed the door close. Napa-talon ako sa pinaghalong takot at gulat. Sa lakas noon, pakiramdam ko ay pwede niya talaga iyong masira.

"Ano 'yon, Asia?" He let got of my hand then he faced me with his fuming eyes. I only looked away. Nakatungo akong pinapasadahan ng haplos ang braso ko.

"Ano 'yon?! Tangina, sumagot ka!"

Napapikit ako. I bit my lower lips to surpress the trembling of my lips.

He is shouting now.

I never seen him do this to me.

"Ano?!" He continued pushing me to answer. Pero napalingon siya noong may isang kwarto ang bumukas. Ang mga tao sa unit na iyon ay nagtatakang tinignan kami.

Liv only heaved an irritated sigh when he tighly held my hand again. Hinila na niya ako papunta sa elevator. Wala pa rin akong laban. Sa mga puntong iyon, ayokong lumaban. Kasi ewan ko, kasi takot ako? Kasi nasasaktan ako? Ewan . . .

Pinindot niya ang botton ng rooftop. At kahit na kaming dalawa lang ang laman nito ngayon ay hindi siya nagsasalita. Segu-segundo ko lang nararamdaman ang papahigpit na hawak niya sa akin. It was so tight that I am sure, it will leave a mark tomorrow.

When the artificial bell started to appear, the elevator opened. We were welcomed by white walls. Liv is still silent when he pulled me towards the stairs that will lead us to the rooftop.

Then the strong cold wind waved at us the moment we stepped our foot on the rooftop. Madilim ang paligid. Tanging ang buwan lang ang nagsisilbing liwanag namin.

"Liv, it was just a body shot." I started. I found the courage to speak up para matapos na 'to. Kasi after all, totoo naman. That was just a freaking body shot. Gusto ko na lang talagang umuwi. Gusto ko na lang magpahinga. I've had enough for this unfortunate day.

Right now, I am staring at Liv with pleading eyes. My breathe is uncontrolled as I tried to equal the tension on his eyes.

"Body shot? He f*****g marked you!" Dinuro niya ako. He won't backtrack. He is going to fume. And I am afraid, no one can stop him.

"Hindi ko naman alam na gan'on ang mangyayari--"

He cut me off. "You knew it. You f*****g knew it. Don't s**t on me." Suminghal siya. "The moment you agreed to have a body shot with that bastard, you f*****g gave him an avenue to marked you. So, don't s**t on me."

Dinuro niya uli ako. "You f*****g knew it."

What he said rewarded a painful stab on my heart. Then I found myself being welcomed by the heat of pain on my chest. Kumirot ang dibdib ko sa mga binitawan niyang salita.

I was blinking when I said, "Teka nga, Liv. Bakit ka ba nagagalit?" I pulled a deep breath. "Wala namang tayo, 'di ba?"

Natitigalgalan ako. "Hindi naman talaga tayo, 'di ba? So, bakit parang nagseselos ka?"

He closed his eyes irritatedly. Minamasahe niya ang sentido na para bang pinapakalma ang sarili.

"Susmaryosep naman, Liv. Ano ka ba," I am smiling with a sense of sadness on my eyes, "walang tayo. Wala kang karapatan sa akin. Hindi mo ako karapatan."

He remained silent.

Until no one between us dared to speak up.

We are just practically staring at each other as the sound of strong wind continues to indulge my ears.

It was a few seconds when I decided to just leave. Kasi on the first place, wala naman dapat ako dito. Hindi ko dapat siya kasama-- no, scratch that-- hindi dapat ako ang kasama niya. Si Aless dapat.

"Uuwi na ako." Bumuga ako ng malalim na hininga. "See you na lang bukas."

That moment, I started to turn my back at him. Napakabigat ng mga hakbang na ginagawa ko. The wind is pushing me as I started to walk away from him.

Tignan mo, Liv. Pati hangin, tutol sa nararamdaman ko sa 'yo. Napaka-s**t.

But I was a few feet away towards the door when I suddenly felt how Liv pulled my hand. Hinigit niya ako hanggang sa mapaharap ang mukha ko sa kanya.

Then I was not ready to what happened next.

He owned my lips.

He is kissing me hard as he cupped my face gently.

That moment, my initial reaction was to slap him on the face. Agad ko siyang itinulak palayo. Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko sa kanya.

"Why did you do that?!" I said, fuming. "Gago ka ba?!"

His face softened. Then I saw how his eyes mirrored a sad emotion. Hindi niya rin inaasahan ang ginawa niya. Pero parang mas hindi niya inasahan ang naging reaksyon ko.

"Tangina, Liv!" I walked near him. Sinampal ko uli siya. "That was my f*****g first kiss! Why did you stole it?"

"Sorry . . ." He only came as he looked away.

"Ang gago mo!" I rewarded him a slap once again. "Ang gago-gago mo! May girlfriend ka! Tangina ka! Alam mong patay na patay ako pagdating sa 'yo pero, Liv--" and then one last slap, "ang tangina mo! Ang gago mo! Ginagago mo na ako sa ginawa mo!"

Pero wala siyang imik. Ni isang salita ay wala siyang sinambit.

Noong mga oras na iyon, inis na inis ako. Iritang irita ako. Ramdam ko kung gaano niya ako ginago. Kung papaano niya ako patuloy na ginagago.

Ang sakit lang.

Fuck it, ang sakit na.

Dinuro ko siya. "You--" napapikit ako sa inis. Gusto ko pa siyang saktan pero alam ko, wala nang dulot iyon. Nakuha na niya, eh. Tangina, ninakaw na niya ang first kiss ko sa ganitong sitwasyon namin. Bakit sa ganitong sitwasyon pa talaga?

I heaved a sigh. I wanted to calm myself when I opened my eyes again. "Stay away from me. 'Wag na 'wag mo na uli akong lalapitan."

I turned my back at him harshly.

Nagmadali akong maglakad palalayo sa kanya.

Pero natigilan ako ng maramdaman kong niyakap niya ako mula sa likuran. He is sitting his chin on my shoulder blade when he said, "Aless and I broke up."

Sa sinabi niya, marahas akong bumitaw mula sa pagkakayakap niya. "Ano?!"

Nakatungo lang siya. Para bang hindi kayang tagalan ang galit sa mga mata ko. "Niloloko mo ba ako?! Wala na kayo?!" Itinulak ko siya dibdib. Pero dahil malakas siya, he only stepped back his foot to keep his balance. "Eh, ano iyong IG post mo?! May pa it's you-it's you ka pang pa-fall ka!"

My chest is agressively turning up and down. I am flaming with intensed anger. And no one . . . as in no one, can ever kill the burning feeling I have within my mind.

Then finally, Liv turned his gaze at me. "That girl on that photo . . . was you."

Doon, natigilan ako bigla.

Napapakurap akong tinitigan lang siya.

"I took the photo noong nakatulog ka habang nanonood tayo sa unit ko." He is staring at me as if planning to earn my forever. "That girl was you, Asia. It was you."

Naglakad siya papalapit sa akin. Then when he reached me, he cupped my face. Tinitigan niya ako diretso sa mga mata. "Asia, it's always been you. Walang ibang babae ang pwedeng lumitaw sa IG feed ko maliban sa 'yo."

Patuloy ako sa pagkurap.

Wait . . .

Totoo ba 'to?

Hanggang sa napasinghap na lang ako nang niyakap niya ako. Then I felt his lips on my temple. "Sorry for my outburst."

Kasabay ng biglang pagbilis ng t***k ng puso ko ang pag-butil ng luha sa mga mata ko. I found myself blinking my tears away as I tightly ball a fist on the hem of his shirt.

Matapos ay muli niyang dinala ang tingin sa akin. He wiped my tears using his thumb. He is intently staring at me as he tried to smile. "Sorry na . . ."

Nanatili akong tahimik.

Hindi ko kayang magsalita.

Ayokong magsalita.

Kasi hanggang ngayon, hindi ako makapaniwala. Hindi ko kayang maniwala. Ito yata iyong sinasabi nilang saya na malayo sa reyalidad. Iyong natutuwa ka pero a part of you is telling you, was this real?

"Let's get you to your unit for now. You have a big event coming tomorrow, kailangan mong magpahinga." Then I felt his hand to interwine my fingers. Before I knew it, we are walking towards the door.

That moment, I was in a surprising bliss.

That moment, I want it to be unending.

That specific moment, I wanted to slap myself. Gusto kong makasigurado na hindi ito isang panaginip lang.