Behind The Spotlight

Episode 18

#BTSEp18

"Why are you are still crying?" Liv is staring at me as if I am a confusing puzzle. Magmula kasi noong makapasok na kaming muli dito sa dressing room ay hindi na talaga ako tumigil sa pag-iyak! Para kasing tanga!

"Heh," I tried to wipe off my unending tears, "ikaw ang may kasalanan nito tapos tatanong-tanong ka diyan."

He didn't respond. What he actually did is to make me sit infront of him. Inalis niya ang mga kamay ko sa mukha ko. Then before I knew it, he was busy wiping my tears with his handkerchief.

"Smile ka na," he continued. Focus na focus siya na akala mo, mapapatigil ng pagpunas niya iyong mga luha ko!

"Ayaw," I told him with tears turning down. Kahit naiyak ako, umiiral pa rin talaga pagkapabebe ko. Naknamkinalbongpochi.

"Please?" Muntik na talagang manlaki ang mga mata ko noong ngumiti siya with all his teeth. Shiyet! Nagpapacute ba siya?!

Pero dahil pabebe nga ako, I am only pouting as I shook my head.

"Hindi ka talaga mag-i-smile?" He told me as he continued with his thing.

Umiling uli ako habang ibinabaling ang tingin sa malayo. Kusa kasing nag-la-land ang makamundo kong mga mata sa kanyang perpektong labi! Baka kung ano talaga ang magawa ko sa kanya dito. 'Wag niya talaga akong susubukan! Char!

"Kahit i-libre kita ng pizza mamaya?"

I am still pouting when I turned my gaze at him again. "Sabi ko nga ngingiti na." Then I gave him a smile. The one I am suppressing until now. "Ayan, okay na?"

"Good girl." He mumbled with a husky voice. He is lipbiting as he smile.

Liv, isa pa talagang sabi mo niyan-- ano-- uhm! 'Wag mo talaga akong sinusubukan! Tayo lang ang tao dito sa dressing room!

***

"Here we are." Liv told me as he halted the engine.

We stopped infront of a pizza house dito sa Makati. Hindi ito gaanong sikat dahil walang katao-tao sa loob noon. Hindi ko alam kung papaano at bakit, mukha namang pamilyar iyong name. Dash's Pizza Houz. Baka siguro kasi jeje iyong spelling ng house? Ay ewan.

Noong pinagbuksan na ako ni Liv ng pintuan ay naka-semento talaga ang tingin ko doon sa pizza house. Feel ko, mukha akong may masamang binabalak doon kung maka-ngiti! Punyemas!

"Let's go?" Liv asked me and I was the quickest to nod at him.

He only nod at me with a smile when he intertwined our fingers. Matapos ay kilig na kilig ako noong pumasok na kami sa loob. At swear, halos mahimatay talaga ako sa sarap ng amoy na bumungad sa amin!

"Woah, hindi ko ba na-inform sa inyo na bawal ang mag-jowa dito?" Came by a guy who just went out of the counter.

Nanlaki talaga ang mga mata ko noong makilala ko siya. "Dashmiel?!" On cue, I let go of Liv's hand and quickly pulled him for a hug!

I missed this guy! Siya kasi iyong pinaka-close ko sa group of friends ni Liv. Galing din siya doon sa reality show kung saan nagmula si Liv. He is a model now and it's been a few months na siguro kaming hindi nagkikita!

"Asia, chill." Dashmiel guffawed as he hugged me back. Pero hindi iyon nagtagal. Hinila ba naman agad ako ni Liv papalayo sa kanya!

"That's enough, dude."

"Possessive moron." Dashmiel playfully rolled his eyes at Liv. "Bakit pala kayo nandito?"

"Grace wants piz--"

I cut Liv off, "Piz-za-houz! Sa pagkakaalam ko talaga, pumupunta ang mga tao dito para bumili ng pizza! O naiba na pala? Hindi ako na-inform?!"

Dashmiel gave me a poker face. "Alam mo, ikaw."

"Charot lang!" Hinampas ko ang hangin. I was about to hug him again noong hindi na binitawan ni Liv ang kamay ko. With that, I only satisfied myself with just smacking Dashmiel's arms.

A few minutes of talking about our order, pumunta na si Dashmiel doon sa counter. Kami naman ni Liv ay nagtungo na sa bakanteng upuan. Wait, as if namang punong-puno ito?! Maka-bakante, lahat naman bakante?!

"Why didn't you tell me na pizza house owner na pala itong si Dashmiel?" I told Liv the moment we sat.

"You didn't ask." He shortly replied as he busied himself with his phone.

Sakit mo talaga sa utak, Liv!

I am mouthing provoking words at him when my phone vibrated. Agad ko iyong kinuha. At napakurap talaga ako noong makita ko ang pangalan ni Liv sa notification. He tagged me in an IG post! Wait!

I was the quickest to open it.

And swear, I almost hit him from what I saw!



This was taken the moment I hopped off his car! Sabi ko na nga bang mukha akong may masamang binabalak noong mga oras na 'yan!

When I turn my gaze at Liv, he is throwing me a teasing grin. Aba! I chose to just playfully rolled my eyes at him before I turn my eyes back to his IG post.

LIVdmoment sana presyo na lang ako

I turned my gaze back at Liv. Ano daw?!

"Bakit mo naman gustong maging presyo?" I am giving him a quizzical look. Bakit hindi na lang asawa ko, ganiyan. Char!

He is smiling while biting his lips when he said, "Wala lang. Para kahit minsan, matawag mo naman akong mahal."

Huh?!

Ano?!

Shiyet . . .

"Ang corny mo." Pinipigilan kong mapangiti. Pero ang totoo niyan, gusto ko na lang talagang magwala dito dahil sa kilig. Nyeta ka, Liv!

I heard him chuckle when the waiter placed the pizza infront of us. Nag-thank you na kami sa kanya bago siya bumalik sa kusina.

"Alam mo? Gutom lang 'yan." I am still supressing my smile. "Kain na tayo, mahal-- ay este Liv!"

Lumawak ang pag-ngisi ni Liv sa akin. Napapailing siyang tumawa nang bahagya. "Nadudulas ka. Ingat ka, baka sunod niyan, mahulog ka naman sa akin."

Veh, hulog na hulog na po?!

Kung alam mo lang talaga?!

Inirapan ko lang siya nang pabiro noong magsimula na kaming kumain. We were just casually talking and eating the whole time. Kung minsan pa nga ay binabasa namin ang comments ng mga fans namin sa latest IG post niya. Some got their theories right while the rest, puro kalokohan lang ang sinasabi! Mana talaga sa akin, mga siraulo!

Tatlong slice na lang ng pizza ang natitira doon sa malaking plato ng biglang mag-ring ang cell phone ni Liv. The moment he saw kung sino ba iyong tumatawag, he quickly answered it.

I chose not to mind him.

I chose to just focus myself with the pizza.

"Okay, stay there. Pupuntahan kita agad."

But, I can't.

Because I know deep inside, I will be left with nothing but pain on the prior circumstances.

"Alright. Yeah . . ." Then Liv landed me a gaze. It was a sorry gaze. That moment, alam ko na.

Alam ko nang iiwan niya ako.

Para kay Aless.

Na naman.

"I have to leave. Emergency." He shortly said. I just nod. I tried to hide the pain by munching too much pizza.

"Don't leave here. I'll call Manong Boying to pick you up."

I swallowed the food. Wishing I can also do that with the pain inside me. "You don't have to. I can manage myself." I chuckle. "Like, really. Don't worry about me. Worry about . . ." I look away, "her."

For a moment, tinitigan niya ako. From my peripheral vision I can really feel na parang nahihirapan siyang mag-desisyon.

But he concluded our situation with a sigh. Then he left me here, without even saying good bye. He left me here hanging with the pain he gave me. I was here, alone. I was here, letting the crashing wave of pain to just ruin the vivid facade I build for him.

Humugot na lang ako nang malalim na hininga. Sinubukan kong ngumiti noong nasa harap ko na si Dashmiel.

"Olats pa rin?" He told me. At hindi ko alam kung hahampasin ko ba siya o ano. Langyang bungad 'yan.

"Baliw," I awkwardly smiled at him, "tanggap ko naman. Dati pa."

Napailing na lang siya while giving me a sympathetic look. Then we started to chat for almost an hour. Mabuti na lang talaga at masarap kakwentuhan itong si Dashmiel. Kung hindi, hindi ko sana nakalimutan iyong sakit sa puso ko.

Pero dahil ayoko namang makaabala sa kanya kahit obviously, wala naman siyang customer, nagpaalam na ako. Wala pa rin kasi si Manong Boying. Siguro mag-sha-shopping na lang ako. Gusto ko lang talagang libangin ang sarili ko today. Ayokong magmukhang stress na tinubuan ng mukha ng tao sa debut ko bukas.

But it was the moment I went outside when my phone vibrated. It was a notification again. From Liv. May bago siyang IG post.

Dahil nga gaga ako. Dahil nga tanga ako. Dahil nag-e-expect ako. Mabilis pa sa alas kwatro ko iyong binuksan.

At nagsisi lang ako.

It was a photo with Liv's hand. It was on top of a girl's lap. And what really broke my heart is his caption . . .

LIVdmoment it's you, it's always been you

Nanghina ang mga tuhod ko sa kusang pag-kirot ng dibdib ko. At one moment, nawalan ako ng balanse. At one moment, gusto ko na lang umiyak. Pero para saan pa ba? As if naman ma-e-earn ko ang feelings ni Liv kapag ginawa ko iyon?

Ang tanga lang.

I heave a final sigh when I just chose to just enjoy the day. Wala naman akong magagawa. Ganito na talaga 'to, eh. Hindi talaga ako ang leading lady sa buhay ni Liv.

I continued to walk pero natigilan ako noong may humatak sa braso ko.

I blink.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

Then I tried to hide the pain when I faced him. It was Ezra. He is staring at me as if decoding my mind. Best friend ko siya. Alam ko, sa isang tingin pa lang, alam niyang may mali na.

"Are you okay?" He continued asking.

Okay lang nga ba ako? Sa ganito? Sa ginagago? I guess, yes. Tanga ako, eh.

"Yes," I tried to masquerade the pain by my smile. Galing ko talagang um-acting.

"You obviously not!" Then he pulled my hand. "Iinom na natin 'yan!"