Revelations
1158 Words
"I never thought you'd be this romantic." I let it slip away.
With this sentence the environment suddenly changed. It was like everything around us disappeared and only we just existed. My whole body shuddered as I felt his body get even closer to mine with his eyes fixed on mine. The warm air of his breathing near his shoulder and neck made chills and sparks travel all over my body once again. I wanted to close my eyes and appreciate that feeling, but his look wouldn't allow it. It was fixed on my so deeply as if he was contemplating my soul. With a soft but sure voice of himself his words intoned in me.
"There's so much more of me you don't know yet."
Without realizing it and without being able to control myself, I sighed deeply when I heard those words and my look as well as my lips smiled. There was nothing more to say. I was speechless. It was amazing how he could shake my whole being and free me from all my logic.
We quietly stared at each other as the environment around us slowly caught up with us.
Frank pulled us out of our trance with one more of his jokes trying to lighten the mood, but nothing stayed the same. As usual Sean's expression changed and once again he walked away.
This was happening all the time. Whenever it seemed like we were getting closer and somehow understanding each other suddenly he changed and got cold and distant.
I didn't understand how that simple phrase could be affecting me so much. What would he mean by that? My head was spinning a thousand an hour and I didn't understand why I was craving it. It wasn't just the phrase. It wasn't just the words. It was the way he said them and the way he looked at me. He could mess with my whole being....
Another week passed and his words kept chanting in my head...
"... a simple pure and very deep look would be more significant than a thousand kisses."
"There's so much more of me you don't know yet."
I couldn't forget the tone of his voice as he spoke, the piercing gaze fixed on me, the warmth of his body, his breathing in me and the chills that caused me have accompanied me all week.
I was looking forward for tonight. I wonder what's waiting for me. Will we have another moment of sincerity or will coldness remain in his gaze?
The night was nothing like I expected. Sean was acting weird, there was something about him I couldn't figure out. His gaze fixed on me, that look that gave me the creeps, but the expression of his face tried to counter the look. His voice was rough and rude. He seemed to do everything he could to hurt me. For much of the night he seemed to want to take Frank's place as the funny guy in the group making stupid and even painful jokes. I was getting angry with him and I decided to walk away, after all that seemed to be his will, to make me walk away.
From the corner of my eye I watched him and my heart hurt to see how much he seemed to be suffering. He wasn't normal. Drinking more than Usual. Something wasn't right. By the end of the night when the bar was getting almost empty I approached him. He was trying to push me away, but I wouldn't let him. I forgot everything he told me earlier to hurt me. I was worried about him and his attitude.
I sat him next to me and looking deep into his eyes I asked.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you drinking so much and push people away. You only hurt yourself." I sighed. I don't expect his answer to affect me so much.
"Because I don't have the woman I love." He sighed without ever turning his gaze away from mine.
I felt a huge shock in my body, it was as if an invisible force hit me and took over my soul. I felt n***d at that moment looking at him. My thoughts overlapped.
Who is he talking about?
Am I the woman he loves?
No Tiff forget....
He doesn't love you. It's not you he's talking about.
But the way he's looking at me seems so. Just forget it girl.
He won't do anything else if you don't walk away.
HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU."
With this last thought I came down to earth, I swallowed the sigh I was about to give and with all my calm I continued to talk to him and try to help him. I took his hand and asked.
"And do you think that's how you're going to win her heart? Getting drunk like this?"
"Y.. Yes..." He sighed showing a puppy look made that melted me even more. I controlled myself before I told him everything I thought he needed to hear as if he knew his that well, what's not true at all.
"No, that's not how you conquer. No woman likes men who can't control themselves to drink. And they don't like men who treat them badly either. You're too bad for women, you always make stupid jokes and you are too cold. That's not how you're going to win over the woman you love. Change your attitude. Show her how much she means to you. Don't push her away."
I took a deep breath after unloading everything I wanted. I told him what I was feeling, just like I was the woman he loved even though I was telling myself it wasn't me, but I couldn't control it. I looked deep into his eyes trying to see if I had gone too far, but his gaze smiled and agreed with me.
We sat there in silence for a few more moments. I felt like he needed company. I couldn't stop worrying. He was still driving home. I didn't want him to get out of there. I was afraid something would happen, and there would´t be no way of knowing. Although its been already several weeks since we met we had not yet exchanged our phone numbers. The opportunity had not yet arisen. After all we were always in that incoherent relationship of love/friendship and hate.
Without worrying about what they were going to say, I expressed my concern that he had to drive home. I wanted to make sure he got home safe and wanted to give my phone number to Mark who would go with him in the car to make sure they got home safely, but he ignored it and dedramatized it.
That night I went home with my heart tight and full of fear. I couldn't sleep until it was morning when finally that fear in my chest disappeared.
I couldn't be sure everything was okay, but something said yes. I was looking forward to next Saturday to see how it all went.
- Writer
