Life is not a dream

The approach.

Even though I always had the eyes of the group stuck to me, examining every moment I spent with Sean, over time I got used to that situation and learned to ignore the looks. I wasn't ready to show what I was feeling yet, but I was able to get closer to Sean. I couldn't or was I able to keep running from him and what I was feeling. I had to be sure of my feelings and try to understand his.

With this new attitude of mine we became closer. Most of the time we were surrounded by other people, but we always ended up having room to talk about things and I was able to understand how I felt about him.

It wasn't just a simple physical attraction, it was much more than that. There seemed to be a connection between us. Whenever he approached me I could sense his presence before he even got close. His absence made me distressed. Whenever he couldn't show up because of work my heart was small in my chest as if I was being squeezed and I kept looking at the door wishing he would come in at any time to calm my anguish. As much as I looked at the door, I knew he wouldn't come in. I was fully aware of it, but I couldn't control myself.

Unlike the days when he appeared I felt calm and relaxed and did not look at the door until I felt his presence in the bar.

The bar had two doors. Initially we entered a kind of entrance hall where we had to wait to be brought to our table and only then passed the second door that led us to all the fun of the bar.

The bar was relatively small which made it even more fascinating. Around the tables were only a few chairs that were not enough for all who wanted to participate in all that fun and that is why the staff provided the puffs. Small benches that easily fited between the chairs allowing more people to join the party.

As Soon As Sean entered the first door a gentle feeling of warmth ran through my body telling me that he had arrived. It was time to look back and when I did, there he was passing the second door.

His eyes filtered through the room until they met mine. A soft smile appeared on his face and without delay he walked to the group that usually sat in front of the stage occupying the first two tables.

Usually someone next to me would get up claiming that was going somewheren else, or else a puff would be put next to me and he would sit there.  I often sat in the chair and the poof was placed in front of me in between my legs and he would sit with his back facing my front and leaning slightly against me. It was already so natural for him to do it that people didn't even comment. He argued that it was to relax his back and the group pretended to believe.

It was intoxicating to have him nest to me like that. I could spend my whole life just like that, leaning against him to feel the warmth of his body, the aroma of his perfume and the constant chills and sparks that traveled all over my body.

For me it was more than proven how I felt about Sean.

There was no denying all the sensations he conveyed to me.

Somehow I knew when I was going to see him or not and we had never talked about his schedules.  I just knew that when he didn't show up, it was because of work, but I didn't know any more details.

The anguish I felt when he didn't show up was more than real, my heart seemed to be squeezed into my chest as it was regularly skewered by sharp knives. That feeling woul last from the moment I arrived at the bar and held up all week. It was impossible to stay focused on class. As another weekend approached, my heart slowly recovered from its anguish and relaxed.

When a new Saturday came my heart was already leaping into my chest with the expectation of seeing him. As soon as he entered the first door my body was invaded by a gentle feeling of warmth, chills and sparks invading my body telling me that he was near. At the right time I looked back even at the right time when he passed the second door. My gaze fixed on him as his gaze traveled around the room looking for something. His gaze stopped at mine and I could see a soft smile coming up on his face.

I turned forward breathing deeply several times to calm down. When I saw him, my breath increased and my hands sweated. Before he got close, I had to calm down.

When he approached the table his ritual was to greet everyone before sitting (most of the time near me). His greeting was singular.

My breath stopped whenever he put his hand on the bottom of my back by pulling me towards him while his fingers gently caressed that spot. The sparks and chills intensified, my face was approaching his and its intoxicating scent was ingrained in me making my legs fail and my head spinning. His lips touched my cheek, I wet my lips and bit them wishing to feel his lips on mine.

That gesture used to last only a few seconds, but to me it seemed like time was stoped.  Feeling weak I sat trying to recover as he greeted the rest of the group. By the time he sat between my legs asking for the comfort of my body I was already calmer and accustomed to that feeling.

My hands rested on my legs without knowing exactly what to do with them. My will was to hold him and feel his hands in mine, but I couldn't do it as much as I wanted to.

I spent my time at the bar almost always with him and talking to his friends. It was not long before there were conversations about feelings and what would be done in certain situations. In one of those conversations Frank talks about the girl he was in love with, but unresponded. The atmosphere became serious, but playful as only he started to imagine her taking an interest in him and telling him what he would do to her....

"I would come near her and give her such an intense kiss that she would fall to the ground without strength..." said Frank with a laugh.

At that moment Sean intervenes.

"You say that now, but the truth is that a simple, pure, deep look would be more signifiered than a thousand kisses." Sean comments while staring at me.

At that moment I swallowed dry and could not control the audible sigh that ran out of my mouth. I couldn't hide my emotion. I tried to cover it by looking at Frank while agreeing with Sean. I looked into his eyes that were still fixed on me and demonstrated my surprise in his sentence.

"I never thought you'd be this romantic." I let it slip away.