Life is not a dream

The music.

After some time of waiting, with my heart in my hands, while waiting to go sing with Sean finally our names were called. My heart stopped when I heard the song we were going to sing.

Richard Marx, Right Here Waiting.

This couldn't be happening to me. One of my favorite and super romantic songs and I was going to have to sing it with the man I wanted to be away from.

His presence at the bar, even if away from me, was enough for all my heart to shudder. My hands were geting sweat, my head swirled, my body melted and my skin shivered all over.

 I had to gather all my energy to get up from my seat and head to the stage. I put my most fun smile to disguise my nerves and my fragile state for being so close to him. I held the microphone with all my might and kept my eyes focused on the television in front of us where the lyrics would pass.

From the corner of my eye I could see his reaction and Sean's eyes didn't stick to the Tv. He kept looking at me. I was so nervous and my mouth was so dry that I thought I couldn't sing, but as soon as the music started I let myself get carried away by the melody and our voices came together as we sang.

*Oceans apart, day after day

And I slowly go insane

I hear your voice, on the line

But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never

how can we say forever

Wherever you go, whatever you do

I will be right here, waiting for you

Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks

I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all The times

That I thought would last somehow

I hear the laughter, I taste the tears

But I can't get near you now

Oh can't you see it baby,

You've got me going crazy

Wherever you go, whatever you do

I will be right here, waiting for you

Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks

I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive, this romance

But in the end if I'm with you, I'll take the chance

Oh you can't see it baby

You've got me going crazy*

As we sang all the environment that surrounded us disappeared. For a moment it felt like we were alone on stage, but I still couldn't allow myself to look at him. I could feel his gaze on me burning me, and I knew if I looked him in the eye, I'd lose all my control.

As soon as the music ended and the applause began I was pulled into reality. I felt my face blushing and I just wanted to get away from there. I landed the microphone as fast as I could and ran from the stage to my seat ignoring all the applause and shouts that the staff chanted in one voice. It wasn't until I sat down that I realized what they were saying.

** Kiss... Kiss....  Kiss.... **

It was tradition. Whenever a couple sang a romantic song the audience at the end always chanted the same tune, but despite this I could not help feeling uncomfortable. I wasn't ready for something like this.

When it fell on me I looked at Sean and he was still on his way to his place. That's when I realized he'd been on stage longer looking at me. 

I looked deep into his eyes, but I couldn't figure out what was going on in head. My whole body was shaking and my senses were all scrambled. My thoughts and feelings were running a thousand an hour and I couldn't understand them. An immense desire to kiss him took care of me trying to fight my shyness and my inexperience, but of course my shyness always wins. It always did...

As if I wasn't confused enough my sister Beth, romantic like me, whispers in my ear how romantic it was to see me sing with Sean and how he looked at me all the time looking for my eyes. At that moment, Beth, soon imagined a whole great love story, our marriage and how many children we would have.

The rest of the night passed very slowly. I on the one hand couldn't calm my poor heart or understand what was going on with me. All those sensations were new to me. I felt lost in my own thoughts. Sean on the other hand stayed away again and unresponsive. His gaze did not transpare anything and rarely searched for mine again.

All this commotion between us did not avoid the cometaries who had been told to the air for some time. The whole group whispered as they looked in our direction. It was easy to understand what they were saying.

Most of the members of the group were authentic matchmakers and hoped that a relationship would arise in the group. As expected the tension that existed between me and Sean did not go blank and after we sang together we became the new project of the group and staff of the bar.  They'd do anything to bring us together. Getting away from Sean was impossible now. Even if the seats near me were occupied when he arrived, someone would give him the place so he could stay close to me. Even my own sister was in the game.

We had no choice but to try to deal with that situation and pretend nothing was going on. At least that's what I did. I tried with all my strength to demonstrate that my feelings for Sean were just friendship. We continued to sing together whenever he appeared, and at all times he kept looking at me but I could´t take my eyes off the television, as if I needed to read the lyrics. Every time the tune chanted in the room (kiss, kiss, kiss) but we ignored it.  My shyness was too noticeable and despite the chants I never felt forced by Sean to such a demonstration, but at the same time I could see his frustration every time I ran away from the stage.  I couldn't help myself. As much as my will would fall into his arms and kiss him, I didn't feel able to do it.

There wasn't a night when I wasn't approached by a member of the group to ask me about Sean. The questions were always the same.

How's it going with you and Sean?

When are you going to assume how you feel about each other?

Why do you keep hiding from the group what's going on between you?

Etc....

As much as they might be right, at least about my feelings it was getting harder and harder to tolerate that whole situation. There wasn't a moment of privacy. I couldn't have a conversation with Sean without all eyes around focusing on us. And the group didn't miss every opportunity to comment on everything we did.

They were determined to join us, but the more they forced the union the further we walked away, the more I walked away. As I mentioned earlier I was inexperienced, he would be my first boyfriend and first kiss. I didn't want my first kiss to be on stage in front of everyone. It couldn't be like this.