Why me

Giving up

   "Lex, you need to get up. were here at your grandmas." Dad was shaking me up not knowing I heard him just fine.

" Did the moving truck already arrive and put my stuff in my room?" still half asleep. I yawned. Unbuckled my seat belt and opened the door then hopped out. Feet landing on gravel. Dad came up to my side holding my bags. had more in the bed of the truck.

" No, Roxie said she has everything you need. You have a desk, bed, closet, and dresser." I looked up at the house and I was stunned that I remember this place, I've been here before. It's this huge white house that has a porch that wraps around the whole house. Navy blue shudders. It's a two-story house. Flippin huge and flowers on the edges of the porch rails. I looked were we were parked and we parked in front of the circle driveway. Like it was there to pick or drop someone at the door. Then parked over there where a big four car garage is. There was a fountain in the circle with flowers surrounding it.

"I thought my grandpa died?" Dad looked at me with sad eyes.

"oh honey, he did die." Be cautious to my next move. He hugs me.

" Then why is his car out here and running?" My grandpa visited me a lot while growing up he died when I was 12. I was so hurt couldn’t even go to his funeral we were so close. But I don’t think I ever seen my grandma. For real who driving my grandpa's car?

"It's probably Roxi." For everyone's sake. I hope he's right. Me and my grandpa both liked mustangs so much. He already had his mustang which is red with white stripes on top of the car from trunk to hood. One day he asked my favorite color I said it was deep blue. Next week after my 12 birthday he bought me the mustang and let me drive it. I was so excited. mom was little peed when she found out but let it go in the end.

"Alright let's get this over with "I said rolling my eyes. I went up to the porch and looked back at my dad carrying my bags. he nodded his head to go on. I went up to the door and rang the bell. I stood there for a couple of seconds before the door opened. There stood a woman with white hair and blue eyes. I saw a lot of me in her. I've must have inherited her looks and mom too. It's crazy how much we look alike.

"well, hello there Lexi. It nice to see you again. Do you remember the lay out of the house or do you need me to show you around. You were pretty young when you lived here." She was holding my hand this whole time and I didn’t even realize it until she was done talking. Took me a min to registered she asked me a question.

" Yes, I want a tour of the house but first I want to take my things to my room." Looking at her blue soulful eyes.

" There's no need for you to take your stuff to your room. I will have my butler George take them up for you. Just let me page him." She pulled her pager out and typed in four letters, then put the pager back into her pocket. No less than a minute later George (I'm guessing) was at the door. "George would you be a dear and take all the bags up to Lexi's room." I felt bad but didn’t say anything. Cause George was an old man and she going to make him take it. My bags are heavy.

My dad went to the back of the truck and let the tail gate down and grabbed my other bags and put it on the porch in front of the door. I just wanted to get this over with and go to my new room and sleep all day.

" Well I got to get going, Lexi" he gave me a quick hug, then kissed me on my forehead.

"love you, bye dad." He turned around and got into his car. Revved up the engine and left without looking back or stopping and turning around. Didn’t even say he loved me back. Maybe he thinks I know he loves me and that’s why he didn’t say it. That has to be it. He can't just stop loving me. He is not a monster. I felt a hand touch my elbows.

"let's go in shall we." I'm thankful she didn’t ask if I was okay. It's like she would have known I would be mad. I walked into the house this was a hall way of sorts. Big stairs leading up to the second floor." To your left is the living room if you go in there and go towards the back of the living room there's a double door in that room is a library. Your welcomed to it whenever. Too your right is the dining room and if you go through another double doors in the back of the dining room is the kitchen your also welcomed to that at any time. Your room is upstairs the first room on the right. My room is the last room on the left." I guess she won't be showing me around. "I did plan on giving you a tour around the house but I just seen the time and it looks like dinner is going to be late. Also, before I forget on Sundays we always have dinner together and yes you have to come."

"Okay" is all I could say. I went upstairs. Then went to the first room on the right side of the hall. I didn’t want to open the door. I didn’t want to think. And I didn’t want anyone to disturb me. I really didn’t want to be here. Fall break is almost over I have six days till Sunday. And seven days till my first day at this new school. My dad registered me into. I griped the door knob and walked in. The room is beautiful. I never had a big bed like this before. I think it’s a queen. My mom wouldn’t let me have a queen she only let me have twin said it was because it'll be harder for me to sleep with a boy or sneak them in because I would take up all the room. I like to spread out. I felt like she was worried for nothing I was only a preteen at the time. And if I was determined I could have still fit a boy in bed with me I'm small. That or I would make a pallet on the floor.

  I need to stop thinking of the past with mom. I'm going to take a shower. Never mind don’t know where the bathroom is. Plus, I don’t need another shower I had one this morning. I haven't done much but sit in a car today. but I will get in my pajamas. I went over to my velvet black 'PINK' duffle bag. grabbed my black under wear. I'm not going to wear my bra to bed. Put on my pajama shorts.  put on my 'PINK' crop top.

   I decided to write a note that said "DO NOT ENTER" I also put under that "I ALREADY ATE DINNER". I just needed to find my thumb tacks that I got for my posters. I want to say there in my sunglasses case but I think I took them out to put my sunglasses in. I went to the bag that I put my posters in. I find it in the pouch on the side of the bag. Thumb tacked the note onto the door. I grabbed about five shirts and clogged the gap between my door and the floor. Then I took out a swisher and my weed grinder. And grinded my stash and once I was done rolling it. I lit it up and smoked it. laid there in my bed listening to music and then eventually I went to sleep.