Controlled

Seven: If

That night, I found myself in Andy’s bed, and we slept together in the most innocent sense of the word. I just hadn’t been able to in my own room, and I figured maybe that was because we’d been together at night for so long now. It felt unnatural to be without him.

I’d left my bed after tossing and turning for maybe an hour, knocking on Andy’s door and entering to see that he was suffering from the same problem. And then we just laid down and passed out. It was beautiful and peaceful, and then it was morning.

I woke up naturally a couple of minutes before Andy, stretching and staring around until he came to. He sat up next to me, slowly, a little uncertainly.

“Are things going to be weird now?” I asked, looking at him.

He’d been tense, but his eyes softened at my words. “Things were weird in the world way before we met, Cass.”  

I rolled my eyes. He was utilizing an evasion tactic I’d been using for years. “I meant between us.”

“I know what you meant,” Andy said.

He stared at me and I at him, an awkwardness I hated shimmering in the air. I finally reached over and kissed him lightly, if only to make the awkward go away, and, when I pulled back, I found that it had seemed to. Andy was smiling, and it made me smile.

“Are you hungry?” I asked him lightly. “They have so much food here.”

“I guess a little, but I’m used to it,” he said.

I understood. “It doesn’t have to be that way anymore,” I said.

“For now,” he replied, reminding me that all of this was meant to be temporary. Somehow, in the midst of relocating and seeing Will again, something as important as that had slipped my mind.

“Yeah,” I said, turning away as I stood. “I’m going to take a shower. I’ll knock on your door when I’m done?”

“Sure,” he said. I felt his eyes on me until I slipped out the door.

Back in my own room—or my room for the moment, at least—I changed out of the clothes I’d worn to bed last night and went to the dresser, finding various clothes folded neatly within the drawers.

Before putting anything on, I examined the sizes and, of course, what it was. I found that everything was in a small, which was a fair estimate given my slim form. Thoughtfully, I laid some clothes out on the bed for later and then went for a shower.

I tried not to stay in for too long, knowing Andy was waiting, but it was hard. I’d forgotten how incredible the warm spray felt until I was in it once again, able to stand and close my eyes and literally just bask in how incredible it was.

The feeling of it all, by the end of it, had me thinking I was a kid again. It made me think of when I was a child and I would take hot baths when my mom. She liked bubble baths with candles and dim lights, and sometimes she would play music from a CD. She would sing along, and I would use the bubbles to make a Santa beard, and I had really loved her. But that wasn’t what mattered here. What mattered was that the warmth calmed me. It made me forget, maybe if only just for a couple of minutes.

And then I got out of the shower and rubbed the steam out of the mirror, and I stared at my gaunt face. I remembered then where I was and what had happened, and I left the bathroom.

Quickly I dried off and then changed into the clothes I’d laid out, and, when I felt satisfied with how everything had come together, I went to knock on Andy’s door. He answered quickly and with a smile, in the same clothes I’d left him with but smelling fresher, which made me suspect he might have cologne or deodorant inside.

“You know the way to the kitchen?” he asked me as he closed his door behind him.

I hesitated at that. “Well…” Short answer: No. I probably could figure out the way to it, but I had no idea as to what the exact route might be… without asking for help, that was, and I was not going to do that.

“You’ve got no idea,” he guessed. “That’s nothing new.”

“Shut up,” I said, shoving him lightly, but I was grinning. “I’ll figure it out.” 

“We always do,” Andy said.

We headed down the hallway and made a sort of game of guessing which direction to go down next, since I found I didn’t remember nearly as much as I thought I had. Our exchanged words were laced with a thin amount of anxiety; it wasn’t easy to forget where we were and what we were surrounded by.

I felt the need to reassure him, even though Andy hadn’t expressed any discomfort. I felt bad that we were here, like it was my fault.

We passed no one while we walked, human or otherwise, and we found our way to the kitchen after what we thought were two circles we took. Andy stepped inside and took one look around before staring back at me with the hugest eyes.

“Whoa,” he said.

I grinned. “I know. Come here.” I stepped in after him, leading the way over to the gigantic pantry. “They’ve got everything.”

“You weren’t kidding,” he said, following behind. He actually shook his head at the sight of it all. “Jeez, I don’t even know where to start.”

“It’s weird, right?” I said.

“It feels like before,” Andy said.

“I know.” I swallowed and looked away from him, studying a box of cereal instead. The word “before” reminded me of what was now, and I knew that it was dirty to eat this food, that it was wrong to be here.

Andy’s arm broke me out of my trance, as it reached across my vision, picking up the box I’d been eyeing. “Cereal sounds awesome,” he said, turning to leave the pantry. “When’s the last time you had milk?”

I had to think. “A while.”

He walked out and set the box on one of the counters, then went to open a few cabinets, struggling to find where the bowls were. “You want some, too?” he asked as he looked around.

“Sure,” I said. I headed over to one of the fridges, searching for milk. I found some right at the top and pulled it out, going to join him. “My parents used to never let me eat the sugar-y stuff.”

“Help me find bowls,” Andy said. “There’s so many freaking cabinets.”

          I laughed and went looking with him and together we found where the plates and bowls were kept. The next challenge was spoons. 

As Andy searched he asked me, “So why do they even have a kitchen?”

          “A human lives here,” I said.

He glanced over at me briefly before pulling out another drawer. “Uh… us?” he guessed.

“No,” I said, and Lucy’s face briefly entered my mind, “there’s a woman that’s with one of the vampires on the High Court. They built this all for her.”

“She’s human? And she’s with one of them?” he asked, not in disgust but wonder. “Do you think that’s what will happen to you…?”

“No,” I said, firmly enough for him to know not to press the subject any further.

Andy wasn’t offended; he seemed to understand. He just brought the spoons over when he found them, and we started to eat. I quickly found that sugar-cereal was really, really good, probably because it had so much sugar, and I didn’t even want to take a break from eating to talk.

I was onto my second bowl when the door to the kitchen opened. Andy and I looked over at the same time, and I blinked in surprise to see Thomas squeezing through the entrance. At the noise, I’d expected Will or Lucy, maybe even Sam, but not Thomas.

It also wasn’t just him but the sheer size of him that made me do a double-take. I’d forgotten how freaking massive he was. He could touch the very high, probably ten foot vaulted ceiling if he jumped—maybe even just hopped a little. Today he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt that hid the details of his muscle mass, but his large shoulders and back gave him away and had me remember what he’d looked like before in short sleeves.

Same as before, I felt unsettled by the sight of him. I was very aware of how easy it would be for any vampire to kill me, but he really felt like a threat. More than Will had at first. More than any other vampire.

Andy studied Thomas for a moment before gazing at me and then at his cereal. He was tense, waiting for me to do something.

“Hi, Thomas?” I said uncertainly as the man walked further inside. I didn’t know why he’d come

He was smiling, and Thomas clapped his hands together in front of him. It sounded like thunder, and I jumped for a second in surprise. “I heard you in here,” he said. “I didn’t know you were back.”

“Since yesterday,” I said, unsure as to how Thomas would feel about that. He’d wanted me to stick around before, but maybe something had changed...

“No one tells me anything,” he sighed.

We were sitting at the table, Andy on the end, and me in a chair facing the door. Thomas walked forward, still staying around ten or so feet back, his hands resting on the island counter we’d been working on before.

“Yeah,” I said, looking to Andy before glancing at Thomas again. I didn’t know what to say.

Thomas’ eyes followed my own, resting curiously on Andy. “Who’s this?” he asked.

“He’s with me,” I said.

Andy looked at Thomas then, and Thomas tensed and made a face, one which looked like he’d been struck, and I wondered if Andy had mouthed something offensive to him. Andy, noticing Thomas’ expression, quickly glanced at me in both confusion and alarm. No doubt, Andy had taken in Thomas’ mass and was worried to be on his bad side. It wasn’t ideal to be on any vampire’s bad side, but for those built like tanks, it was especially something worth avoiding.

“He’s my guest,” I quickly added, “and Will said he could stay, so if there’s a problem, you can—you can talk to Will about it.”

Thomas blinked, his shoulders relaxing, but his fists were clenched on the counter. “It’s fine,” he said. “What’s your name?”

“Andrew,” Andy said, playing with some pieces of cereal, “but I go by Andy.”

“I’m Thomas. Uh…” He drifted off, at a loss that seemed uncharacteristic for him.

Andy and I exchanged a long look, and in his eyes I saw he was nervous, too, by Thomas’ presence. I didn’t know what to do about that except to be there and to let him know, through a simple frown, that I felt the same way.

A sudden cracking-smashing-thud sounded, and the two of us jumped. Immediately I looked to the source, which was, of course, Thomas. He was standing at the island still, though half of the marble counter had broken off and cracked into many pieces on the floor. His hands, which had been clenched before, were extended out, hovering in the air, right where the counter had been moments before.

“Uh—what—?” I said, not sure how to even react. I had no idea why he’d done that! I didn’t know if we’d upset him; I didn’t know if he was still angry, or if he wanted to smash something else—namely, us.

Thomas’ body was frozen, but his eyes flickered between the two of us repeatedly through a frown on his face. He didn’t even talk.

A couple seconds later, the kitchen door opened once again, but this time Will stepped through. His face was blank, but his eyes were alert, muscles ready. His presence surprised me and made me a little angry—had he been listening in?—but more than anything I felt relief. Not because I liked him but because he would be able to stop Thomas from killing us.

“What’s going on?” Will asked carefully, trying his best to make his tone casual as he went to stand in the space between the table and the now-destroyed island.

None of us knew how to respond. 

“I have no idea,” I finally said, gnawing on my bottom lip.

Will looked at me and then to Thomas. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Thomas said through gritted teeth. I could tell that it took an effort to speak. His body still had not moved; he was just standing there and spitting these words out. “It was nothing.”

Will faced him head-on and maybe said something too quiet for me to hear, or maybe he said nothing at all, but Thomas finally moved then. He went right for the door and left, movements jerky, as though he were a robot that hadn’t been oiled in years.

We all stared after him for a few seconds in shock before I broke the silence, saying, “Andy, what the hell?”

“What?” he asked.

“What’d you do? What’d you say to him?” I asked.

“Nothing!” Andy said, and I saw the honesty in his eyes. “I have no idea why he freaked out like that.”

“It was strange,” Will added quietly. The two of us turned our focus to him, noting how he stared at the ground in concentration, as though a complex math problem laid there. “He doesn’t lose his cool like that.”

“Maybe he’s stressed out?” I offered.

“Maybe,” Will muttered, voice doubtful. He blinked suddenly and looked up at me. “Are you okay?”

“Me? I’m fine,” I said. I swallowed. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard a loud noise.”

“Grace said the walls were soundproofed,” Andy said.

“So you had to have been close by,” I gathered.

Will glanced between the two of us warily, looking unhappy at being tag-teamed. “I may have been in a nearby room,” he admitted after a moment.

I went to press him on that, but Andy cut me off, sensing the awkwardness. He said, “You must be Will.”

Will nodded slowly. “And you are…?” he asked, knowing perfectly well who Andy was.

“Andy. I’m Cassie’s…” He drifted off and glanced at me before looking back to Will. “And you’re her—uh…”

“‘Mate’ is the colloquial term,” Will offered lightly, clasping his hands in front of him. “They call it a ‘couplet’ in Europe, ‘echo’ in Asia. Imprint also works.”

“That’s how she explained it to me,” Andy said. “Imprint… like with ducks.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well, this is weird. Are you sure you don’t want to kick my ass?”

Will blinked. “No. I can see how it might seem that way, but anyone she cares about, I care about.”

The earnestness in his voice took me aback a little, but I quickly recovered and said, “You know, we should actually maybe make some ground rules, at least for the time being.”

“Ground rules?” Will asked curiously, and he slowly began to approach the table. There was enough time between his steps for me to object to the movements, but I felt no need to.

“Yeah, as long as I’m here, we should have some understandings,” I said, glancing at Andy. “We’ll set boundaries.”

“Why are you dragging me into this?” Andy said.

I gave him a look, and he rolled his eyes but quieted. By that time, Will had reached the table and took a seat across from me. “What do you want?” he asked politely.

“Well, first of all, you can’t be eavesdropping on me,” I said.

“I wasn’t,” he immediately said. “But… you were right. I was nearby.”

“No more of that!” I said. “It’s weird. You have to either let me know that you’re around or not be around at all.”

Will considered it for a quick moment before nodding. “That’s fair, and I’m sorry. I’m just not exactly sure how to approach you.”

“So don’t approach me,” I said, without really thinking. The words were harsh, but, after a moment, I found that I really did mean them.

There was a silence.

“Any other requests?” Will asked tightly.

“Some more new clothes would be nice,” Andy admitted and scoffed at my glare. “What? Don’t look at me like that. It would be nice, and he did ask.”

“It’s a reasonable request,” Will agreed. “I can handle it. It’s better for things to be brought in, and you’ll have a selection then.”

“Could we also get a tutor or something?” Andy asked. “Finish our education?”

I glanced at him, kindly this time. He’d always wanted to know things, to understand the world better. A bitterness had lived with him that the access to this knowledge was gone. He would complain about it to me on and on for hours at times, just ranting. To me, it wasn’t so important.

“Oh, sure,” Will said, sounding surprised.

“Also you can’t drink our blood,” I suddenly voiced. “No one here should be able to.”

“I second that,” Andy said.

“Of course not,” said Will. He glanced between us. “And is there anything else?”

“Not that I can think of,” I admitted, briefly glancing at Andy to see if he had anything to say. He stayed quiet.

“Well then, I have a request of my own,” Will spoke.

I scowled, and my muscles tensed as I prepared to stand up and get away from him. “I knew you had an angle,” I snapped. “You couldn’t just be doing all of this out of the goodness of your heart.”

Will rolled his eyes. “It’s for your benefit,” he told me. He glanced at Andy, lips quirking downwards slightly before adding, “And his, too.”

“Well, let’s hear the man out,” Andy said. He liked gifts.

This time, I rolled my eyes. “Fine, okay, what is it you want?”

“If you don’t want me to be looking out for you, I want you to have a bodyguard,” Will said.

My mouth flew open. “What? No!”

“Only for when you leave the castle,” he quickly said. “If you were to go into town, I want someone to be with you.”

Surprise briefly flew through me. For some reason, I’d expected him to lock me in my room and never let me leave. But I could go? “Uh…” I blinked, trying to recover. “Well, who would be… my bodyguard?”

I hadn’t realized how tense Will was until his shoulders fell in relief. “So you’re open to the idea?” he asked.

“Not a big thing to ask, I think,” I said. Besides, if I was in town it would be nice to have some backup if another witch showed up. I didn’t want me dying either.

Will’s lips quirked upwards slightly. “Good,” he said. His voice was clear and strong and almost even happy.

“Good,” I echoed.

The two of us stared at each other. Well… no. He stared at me, and I stared back, refusing to remove my eyes first, refusing to give in even a little.

“Uh… so when can we expect the new clothes? And the tutoring?” Andy piped up, breaking the silence.

“Soon,” said Will. “I’ll get on it straight away. A bodyguard may…” He glanced at me. “Take some time to vet.”

“What should we do until then?” Andy asked. “Just go back to our rooms?” 

Will nodded, and Andy shrugged, glancing at me as he stood, bringing his plates over to the dishwasher. I followed, mimicking the movements, pretending not to feel the pressure of eyes on the back of my head.

Andy left soon after, but I hesitated, turning. “Hey, is everything going to be okay with Thomas?” I asked. “Does he not want us here or something?”

“No, it’s not that,” Will said. “It’s going to be fine.” He thought about his words. “Maybe there’s just too many humans around and he’s feeling thirsty. I don’t know.”

“Uh, so he could hurt us?” I asked.

“Are you scared?” he asked me.

I looked at his face, briefly mesmerized by his beautiful and predatory features, but I blinked my fixation back. “Yes,” I said. I meant it. “Whatever set him off, he broke that counter on accident. I don’t want to know what he could do to us if he was trying.”

“He isn’t going to hurt you,” said Will.

“Maybe not on purpose,” I replied.

“I won’t let him.”

He sounded earnest, but trusting him wasn’t something I wanted to do. “You can’t know that,” I said.

“I can,” he replied. “Don’t be scared.”

“I’m not,” I immediately replied, and maybe it was the first lie I’d ever told him.

“Uh, you coming, Cass?” I heard from behind. I quickly turned to see Andy in the doorway, and I stared back at Will briefly.

“Yeah,” I said, following Andy out.