Sisters by chance - The beginning

Memories

Sofia's POV 

I'm vaguely aware that Lucas is carrying me away, he smells so good, like freshly cut grass but better. I could smell that scent forever, and still not get tired of it. When my eyes close, the memories flicker past my eyes, it's like a movie inside my head: 

Hanna laughs when we build a hut under the kitchen table. Mom with flour in her face when we bake gingerbread.

How the sun goes down when I lie on the floor in the combine harvester while dad drives, the machine rocking me to sleep and me experiencing an incredible calm.

Memories of Hanna and me as we run and jump over freshly pressed straw while mom and dad eat in the sun. The snow mountain that Dad always plowed together on the front yard where we played for days on end despite the cold and darkness. The taste of hot chocolate milk in the kitchen sitting all together.

The first time I got to meet and hold Noah, a little baby. His soft skin and little fingers that hugged mine, he was so strong. I remember the first time he called me mom and how confusing it was when mom got mad at me. How we slowly began to slide apart and lost each other. I remember Noah's first day at school. How he crawls into my bed and plays with my hair.

I remember the dinner when mom and dad told me we were going to have another sibling. I remember how my emotions were split at the time, but also how much I loved them when they came. I remember all the nights I had to help mom, all the diapers and bottles. Their first smiles and words. May, so calm and cozy, and June, so fun and bubbly.

I don't know how long I lie in bed, the days float together with the nights. I wake up and fall asleep over and over. 

My eyes remain closed when I wake up. If I open them, I have to face reality and I don't want to, I don’t have the strength. Hanna is gone, so is Noah, May, June, mom, and dad. They no longer exist. How can they not exist anymore? I curl up into a small ball in bed, the loss is physical pain. It hurts in my chest, stomach, and head. I have missed them all this time, but I thought they were alive, safe. Suddenly learning that they weren't even alive, hurts. I feel empty, inadequate again. I could not help Ruth and Rose, I failed Agnes and couldn't save my family. 

Sometimes when I wake up I feel warm hands holding mine, fingers stroking my cheeks, and massaging my scalp. I do not eat or drink, my body is empty. My mind is racing with memories all mixt up into a blur.

The memories slowly fade away, as if they are beginning to run out. Everything that can be remembered has been shown.

In the emptiness that is created a face emerges, a strong chin with a prickly short blond beard. A straight nose, full eyebrows. Eyes, green as a dark forest but with specks of light as when light flows thru the forest ceiling. His hair is thick and curly, ash-blond and glistening in the sun. Soft lips are curled up into a soft smile before his eyes flicker and go dark as night. I follow his handsome face as it turns to his left. Following his gaze, I see a sun-kissed face, the long wavy chocolate brown hair hanging in his face almost covering his slightly crooked nose. When it’s caressed away, his darker face and mesmerizing hazel eyes appear. His eyes smile, so do his full soft lips. He is beautiful, handsome. His eyes turn to glowing amber. I look at them and return their smiles. It gives me comfort, I feel safe and I can’t get enough of them.

I wake up with a jerk, it’s like my body and mind are no longer content with the memories. But I can’t feel the warm hands, the gentle caresses. My skin feels empty and cold, like my mind. I gently open my eyes and am greeted by a dark room. The low familiar buzzing from the ventilation and the even breaths are there. I carefully turn my stiff body and look for Jacob and Lucas. I can see their silhouettes through the darkness, as on my first awakening they are sitting on chairs. Despite the darkness, I can distinguish them, Lucas, with his head in his hands, and Jacob with his head against the wall behind him.

A strong feeling of anxiety comes over me. How long have I been out? Have they been watching over me all along, sitting here, and waiting? On my bare feet, I sneak through the room towards Jacob. I carefully stand between his legs and take his head in my hands. I lean forward and place my forehead against his chin. He breaths in deeply, and sighs against my forehead. Without warning, he wraps his arms around me and holds me close to him but still in a careful way. He bends his head to the side of my face and strokes his forehead against my cheek, my neck. His nose caresses my collarbone before he puts his head on my chest with a satisfied sigh. For a moment I stand there with my eyes closed. The floor is cold under my feet but he is warm against my skin.

“Have you been sitting here all along?”

“Yes”

“And Lucas?”

“He too.” He breathes in my arms.

“Idiots, you need to sleep in beds!” I say with a frown even if he can’t see it. He chuckles and holds me tight.

“Are you feeling any better?” He asks.

“I miss them…” I whisper against his soft hair. Uttering the words is like breaking a dam and I burst into tears. They flow down my cheeks unhindered and make his curls damp. I cry hard, my body shakes and it's difficult to breathe. I cry over my family, myself, Tobias, and my lost sisters. All that is heard in the dark are my sobs and gasps for air. Jacob holds me and lets me cry, his head still resting against my chest. A pleasant warmth fills the air behind me, rough hands are softly placed on my shoulders and begin to massage me. His thumbs continue up my neck, and he sneaks his fingers into my hair. He massages my scalp and plays with my hair. A shiver of pleasure goes through my body, and slowly my violent crying turns into small quivers and quiet sobs. My sadness doesn't feel as hard to bear when I am cared for by them, my rescuers. Slowly my crying turns to that of relief and appreciation. 

After I have calmed down a bit and my despair is relieved, I can breathe steadily again. The feeling, the warmth of standing there between these men makes me dizzy. Jacob's head is still resting against my chest, he is holding my hips with his hands. He makes small nice circular movements on me with his fingers. Lucas stands behind me with his arms over my shoulders and his hands in my hair. I lean back against his chest and just am. "Don't you have somewhere to live?" I wonder jokingly out in the dark.

"I live on the campsite with my family," mumbles Lucas' dark voice behind me.

"Yes," Jacob replies in a light-hearted tone, "As long as you are here, so am I! But Johnny has given me clear orders that I must return to my commitments on Monday."

"When are you going to explain this to me?" I wonder thoughtfully.

"You are ours!" Jacob sighs happily.

"Yours and Blue's, you said that. But I know nothing about your world, about this life. I'm just a human, how am I supposed to live among wolves?"

"No, ours!" Lucas mumbles behind me with his face buried in my hair.

"I don't understand?"

"Since I was thirteen, I have known that you are mine. I have seen you in my dreams, your honey hair. Every night I drown in your eyes. And now you are here, with us!"

"He's been nagging me about you for years, it's so nice of you to be here, now I don't have to hear him nag about it again!" Jokes Jacob. My brain is not really comprehending, I don't understand. Jacob told us we are theirs. I took for granted that he meant himself and Blue. They can't mean that I'm meant for both of them? Do they think I should choose, how could I do that? I don't know them, no matter how yummy they may be.

It's like they can feel my confusion. Jacob turns his head towards me and takes my head in his hands. Lucas lets his fall to my hips and hums softly.

"You are ours, we are yours. If you want us?" Says Jacob, his playful tone is gone. He sounds nervous.

"We know that this is a lot, that it is difficult to understand. But for us, you are our world now ... Please accept us, Sofia." breathes Lucas, like a prayer. 

I remain silent, it's as if the air is not enough, and I find it difficult to breathe again. A wave of joy washes through me, and I feel high on their affection. They seem genuine about this. And I want to be close to them, I want them to be mine.

"It sounds crazy, but yes. I accept you, both of you!" I mumble barely audibly, afraid to break the spell, afraid that they will laugh at me. Both breathe out in unison as if holding their breath, waiting for my answer. Lucas kisses my head and inhales deeply with his face buried in my hair. Jacob lifts my hands to his mouth and kisses them tenderly.

"thank you!" he mumbles against my fingers.