Moving on

First date flashbacks

“Girl I don’t know how you’re doing it,” Jesse sighed as she pushed me a beer from across the bar.

“Doing what?”

“Living with such hot dudes and not sleeping with them after you just got out of a 6 year relationship, you need a rebound!”

“I think you just gave yourself one of the answers to that. I just got out of a 6 year relationship. I'm not looking to just jump into things. I didn’t even start sleeping with Adrian until 3 months after Austin and I broke up. It’s only been 2 months, calm down lady,” I said matter of factly, “ Plus, they both have serious girlfriends they’ve been with for years. Sooooooo not happening.” 

She walked away rolling her eyes, Jesse has always been so confident and outgoing quite the opposite of me honestly. She’s tall with incredibly curly auburn hair and freckles that pepper her face in all the right places. She looks as though she was perfectly kissed by the sun. Although she’s 6’3 she’s very graceful and her movements flow like water from a kettle. Jesse is very athletic, goes to the gym, plays volleyball at the beach and she’s a dancer. As I watched her walk away I got sucked into the memory of the first time I sat in this bar.

I sat nervously at a table in the corner of the bar. Waiting for my date with the beautiful brown eyed man from work. I tried to cover up the sores and bruising on my face with makeup. I looked a little rough from the drug use, I couldn't believe he actually agreed to go on a date with me. He was clearly put together and very healthy, a little chunky and absolutely gorgeous. Aside from his sinfully mesmerising eyes, he was also 6’0 and had a fade with longer hair at the top. He had a smile that could literally supply light to an entire building. His smile was so wide and his teeth glistened white like freshly fallen snow. 

“Is this seat taken?” I heard a deep velvety voice ask from above me. 

I looked up, he was absolutely striking in his acid wash jeans, not too tight, not too baggy, just right with his perfectly fitted red and black striped polo. He smelled like a combination of lavender, orange, lime and something I couldn’t quite place. It was absolutely intoxicating. His hair was spiked up a little in the front and he had an earring in his left ear, a diamond stud that went with his whole ensemble as if everything had just fallen into place.

“Only if it’s by you,” why did I say that? Play it cool dude.

We ended up sitting there for hours. We barely touched our beers. We were talking about everything under the sun. From our childhoods to our favorite colors to what our first cars were. I learned he grew up in Chicago raised by his mother with his brother and sister. He did have a father but they were never very close. I learned he was obsessed with anime and video games, which I never would have guessed by looking at him. Can’t judge a book by it’s cover. He loved trying new food and seeing new places. He had traveled quite a bit, trying to go to at least one place he’d never been a month even if it was right down the street. 

At the end of the night I gave him my number and I told him to call me. I decided then and there I wanted to be clean and sober, not that that was the easiest choice I was gonna make. He walked me to my car and I drove home. 

“You good over there dude,” Jesse questioned me from across the bar.

“Yeah just thinking about my first time here.”

“Dude you need to get up under someone else I swear,” she rolled her eyes.

“Okay I’m going home,” I laughed,” I’ll see you tomorrow night.” 

I walked in the door and saw Will sitting on the couch eating ramen watching tv. Within seconds I heard yelling and screaming, it was coming from down the hall where Ezras’ room was. Will looked at me with a mouth full of ramen and raised his eye at me with an awkward look on his face. 

Jenny, Ezras’ girlfriend came storming out of his room, walked out the front door and slammed it behind her. He stood there with his lips pursed staring into space. “Well that was fun,” he said and then strode back to his room. I just stood there for a minute looking at Will not sure what to do until I found my feet carrying me towards Ezras’ room.

I knocked softly at his door. “Hey Ezra, I know you prob--” He swung the door open,” oh hey, I know you probably don’t wanna talk right now but I’m here if you need,” I said apologetically. 

“I actually broke up with her, I told her I wasn’t looking for a relationship two years ago and I love her but I meant it when i said that. Every time I've tried to end things she’s freaked out so I tried again. It worked this time,” he said matter of factly as he shrugged his shoulders.  

“Oh cool I guess, well I’m gonna go to bed so have fun with that,” I laughed casually while making awkward finger guns. 

The next morning I woke up late. Not again. s**t. I was pretty lucky. I've worked at the same place for the last 4 years and everyone loves me there. I rolled into work 20 minutes late thankfully no one noticed because everyone was so busy with their own stuff. Sitting at my desk trying to crunch numbers with everything that’s happened in my life just seemed like a sick joke at this point but I worked very hard to be the head of the accounting department in this office. I just got the promotion 6 months ago when life was seemingly perfect. It was more responsibility but 100% worth it and I enjoyed the work. Just lately it was hard to focus on things. 

By the end of the day I was ready to crawl into bed. It’s only 4pm do not go to bed you’re gonna regret that… I need to start doing something productive with myself seriously. I'm not getting any younger here. 

I walked in the front door, kicked off my shoes and let out a big sigh. I threw my keys and purse on the entry table and plopped on the couch. I felt such an empty feeling today, missing Adrian... 

“Great workout today man,” I heard Will’s voice coming in the house.

“Honestly it’s nice to have a workout partner now!” replied Ezra. 

“Hey Kali!” They both boomed and plopped on the couch on either side of me. 

“Why do you look so down?” Ezra asked.

I didn’t disclose my breakup to them before they moved in, I honestly hadn’t even thought I’d be seeing them unless they we’re giving me money for bills. I hadn’t planned on telling them very much about my life. However I suppose I opened up the door when I offered to talk to Ezra about his breakup with Jenny last night. 

So I told the guys about everything with Austin and Adrian and my history of drug abuse and by the end they just sat there quietly. Well I didn’t tell them everything I gave them the ‘short revised we just met and I’m not fully ready to talk to you about my feelings but i guess i'll extend the olive branch of friendship to you’ version of how things happened. 

“Well that sucks man,” Will said. Ezra leaned across me and smacked him on the arm.”What it does?”

“Well if you need to talk we’re here for you,” Ezra said, giving Will a pointed look.

“You know what you need? You need to get out there and workout! It’ll make you feel better!!” 

“Yeah Will I’m gonna work out,” I laughed sarcastically. Since being with Adrian I had put on a healthy amount of weight I wasn’t big but I was definitely a chunky little thing. Being in a relationship looked good on me health wise, not exercise wise. Adrian and I watched a lot of movies and did a lot of cuddling.   

I felt myself drift away again...

“Can we take a break? The couch was heavy, I’m dying, I don’t think I can move anything else,” I said dramatically as I threw myself down on the couch with the back of my hand on my forehead. He walked up slowly and leaned over, put his hands on my waist, put his knee between my legs and his forehead on mine.

“Oh I think you’ll be okay stink bug,” he gave me a kiss. He then wedged himself between me and the couch and cuddled me. We took a nap before moving more stuff into our new loft. 

I came back to reality when I noticed Will waving his hand in front of my face,” you good over there?”

“Yeah,” I muttered,” just thinking.”

The rest of the evening was spent watching movies with my new roomies and eating pasta. Lots of pasta. A disgusting amount of pasta. Seriously they were looking at me like I was crazy, that's how much pasta I was eating. 

Jesse walked into the house and both guys jumped up and yelled looking at her. I should point out I forgot to mention to the guys Jesse had a key to the loft or even who Jesse was so what happened next was absolutely hilarious. To me anyway… Will had grabbed the lamp on the end table and Ezra was in some weird karate stance ready to pounce. I just sat there laughing, I had dropped my pasta when I was startled by their yells. 

“Who are you? How did you get in here” Will exclaimed!

“I’m Jesse? Kalis’ best friend? Girl you didn’t tell them about me,” I shrugged at her as she asked,” well anyways I have a key I have for years,” she looked them both up and down they were still in their weird karate stances. Finally Will put the lamp down and sat back down on the couch. Ezra was still staring at her more than likely enamoured by how beautiful Jesse was. 

“You good over there bud?”

“Hu-- ye-- you just startled me, that’s all,” Ezra stammered as he sat down. 

“Oh yeah by the way guys my best friend Jesse is coming over and she has a key,” I laughed as the three of them rolled their eyes at me.

“Are you stress eating pasta again Kali? Come on get up let's go,” Jesse pulled me up off the couch and dragged me to my room,”Get changed we’re going out. You guys too,” she pointed at the guys on the couch. 

I emerged from my room wearing a tight red dress with an open back that hugged my curves just perfectly. I was wearing 6 inch heels that accentuated my legs. My hair was curled and fell effortlessly onto my shoulders. My makeup was classy and elegant, I definitely did not look like my usual self. Now would be a good time to say I’m not the one who picked this outfit out. That would be Jesse. She was forcing me and my roommates to The Castle, a nightclub in Ybor. Well she was forcing me they actually wanted to go. I wasn’t in a  nightclub type of mood but I didn’t wanna be a downer so I decided to suck it up and not fight it. 

Both the guys wore nice fitted jeans and a button down with nice shoes. Will called his girlfriend Veronica to come with us. She was wearing jeans and a nice blouse while Jesse was dressed like me but with a purple and black dress. Veronica seemed nice. We never really talked; she mainly stayed in Will’s room when she was over. She looked back and forth between Will and Jesse in a jealous manner to make sure he wasn’t looking at her. I could already see how this night was gonna go. Jealous girlfriend + Nightclub + Booze + Jesse = yikes let’s hope we all get separated. 

I thought of when I was like that with Adrian. When we first got together for the first 2 years actually I was very jealous and self-conscious. I had had no idea how someone so normal, so nice, so good of a person would be able to look at me, an addict… a f**k up and choose to love me everyday. It caused us a lot of fighting… a lot of trouble.