Lucian's Children

Who am I?  First and foremost, I am a mother.  A mother to two perfect children, or should I say too perfect children? They are the way they are because I wanted and planned them to be that way, or I thought I wanted them to be perfect until I learned that even being perfect can be a flaw. A nasty, unnatural way of being.  Now I must live with the decision I made, seven only a few short years ago, for the rest of my life.  This is my story. I was thirty-six years old at the time and my biological clock was ticking loudly.  I worked as a research chemist in an internationally renowned pharmaceutical laboratory. When people first met me they found it hard to believe that I was the academic sort as at 5 ft. 11 inches, slim and blonde I was often mistaken for a model or an actress. It was my looks and not my brains that was the cause of me still being single at thirty-six. I wanted a man with a good brain to father my children, but I also wanted one taller than me and reasonably good looking. I wanted my children to have every opportunity in the world to succeed and be happy. In my field of research however, all my male colleagues were bespectacled, short, and bald.  Somehow, I think, my colleagues sensed that they were falling short of my ambitions, as they ogled and whispered but never asked me out. My social life was equally devoid of any potential mates.  The few friends I had were a jolly bunch but none of them could be classified as rocket scientists.  Sadly, and I say this more for their sake than mine, I also earned more than the whole lot of them together. From what I had read marriages in which the wife earned way more than the man had little chance of success. An old-fashioned notion, I know, but statistically proven according to several human sciences reports. Unless of course one was dealing with a young gigolo who was only in it for the money and who obviously then would not possess the brainpower I required. I was ever so slightly famous as well.  At twenty-four I discovered a formula for a cream which successfully treated athlete’s foot. At twenty-eight I had a repeat performance when I formulated a cream to treat pink eye syndrome. With each new discovery my salary was significantly raised in fear that I would be poached by a rival company. It is safe to say that at thirty-six I was a happy and confident woman, but I certainly was not content as above anything else I had always wanted children.  I adored other children in my childhood and still loved children as an adult.  I was an only child, cherished and spoiled, but I had attracted kids like moths to a flame.  Our house was always overrun with neighborhoods children and although never alone I promised myself that one day I shall have more than one child.  My children would have someone they could share secrets with in the middle of the night, someone they could share their cookies with… My friends had children, but while they spent time petting their pets I looked after their children.  Unbeknown to them I also took to studying their offspring. Emma and John’s little Jason bit his nails, Jenny and Brian’s little Peter had stooped shoulders and a strange gait, Emily from next door had a stutter.  All these children were candidates for bullying. I wanted none of that for my children. On my thirty sixth birthday I decided to approach the matter of bearing children in a more scientific manner.  As a researcher I had access to every scientific publication available to mankind. It took me over a week to make up my mind.  In my pursuit for perfection, I had studied every option available to me, including in-vitro fertilizations and yes as silly as this may sound, I even read about cloning. Once I had felt that I had enough information on the various options I spent an evening mulling over the possibilities.  Money was no issue; I had and was prepared to spend whatever it would take to have my perfect little child or children. However, thinking about my baby being grown in a test tube with sperm from an anonymous donor, who may have lied about his credentials to earn some money, I felt uncomfortable considering what I thought would be the only realistic option available to me. I spent a restless night thinking of everything that could go wrong and by morning I had a new plan. I knew that my new plan would have most people frowning at my callousness, but I did not care about what other people thought, all I wanted was my perfect child and besides I could always lie about my child or children’s birth father if it would make other people feel more comfortable. First thing I did when I reached my office was to type an advertisement for insertion in one of the scientific magazines which now littered my desk. I set up a new e-mail address for myself and typed the address into the advertisement. Satisfied, I re-read what I had typed. Highly intelligent and attractive woman needing an equally intelligent man to father a child. All applications would be considered with the strictest confidence. All expenses will be covered by the advertiser. All applicants should reply with a curriculum vitae, photo, and physical measurements. Yes, I know now that was the most heartless of things I could have done, but at the time I thought it would be my best option. To be able to meet and interview the applicant myself and to oversee the transfer of sperm was the only way I could be sure that I got what I wanted. Or so I thought. Within a week of the advertisement being placed I had received more than twenty replies. I decided not to risk going through them in my office, instead I took to reading the e-mail at home in the evenings. I knew I was being overly critical as I perused one after the other, yet none of the applicants had what I had been dreaming about. Some were students, some not as attractive as they thought themselves to be and others had impressive track records as far as their academic background was concerned but I still managed to find fault with their presentations. I had almost given up after a week of checking more than fifty resumes when, just before I switched off my computer a message flashed in the corner of my screen informing me that I had received another e-mail in my inbox. Curious, I opened the message. Unlike the others a photograph was posted in the body of the e-mail and placed before this man’s credentials.  I sat staring at the most handsome face I had seen in a long while.  The eyes were the most magnificent blue, nearly violet in its blueness.  A straight nose, not too long, not too short, wide well-formed mouth, chiseled chin, and perfectly shaped ears peeked from a full head of brown hair. As far as looks were concerned, I could not fault this specimen at all. It took a while for me to recover sufficiently to read the credentials given in the body of the text. His name was Lucian Grey, and this even made me smile as Lucian’s Latin origin meant ‘born in daylight’, yet Grey had absolutely nothing in common with daylight, or brightness of any sorts. His resume informed me that he was a mechanical engineer and inventor, and his academic record was indeed impressive.  The only concern I had was that I have never heard of the organization he worked for. I made up my mind however to google it the next day. I also decided, after checking the time on my wristwatch, to telephone him straight away to set up an appointment during which I could, hopefully, ascertain the truthfulness of his application. The voice which answered the call startled me, a deep baritone with a very British accent was not what I had expected. “Who is this?” the voice enquired, shocking me from my mesmerized state. I had not added my name to the advertisement and for a while I was at a loss for words, yet I gathered my courage yet again and proceeded to accomplish what I had set out to do. “This is the woman who had placed the advertisement you had replied to.” “Yes?” He said yes questioningly, and I knew he needed more from me than my feeble response. “I would like to set up an appointment to meet…” “I expected a meeting and am happy you called. I have no fixed obligations this week and could accommodate you whenever it would suit you.” “I…uh…” I was yet again speechless; I had not expected him to be so business-like nor so accommodating. Yet I had to regain my composure lest the man thought I was some kind of imbecile. “Friday afternoon or evening would suit me best.” I replied, regretting it the moment the words left my mouth. How could I arrange to meet a stranger at night?  I was really acting like a dumb teenager. “Friday evening then, name the place and I’ll be there.” It was too late for me to change my mind and I mentioned an upmarket restaurant close to my home. “Excellent choice,” the voice informed me, “could you kindly tell me your name or at least give me a description. I need to know who to look out for.” Hesitantly I gave him my first name, Margot, and for the first time I thought of the meaning of my name like I did of his earlier. Margot, a French contraction of Marguerite or Margaret, meaning a pearl or child of light.  Somehow, meeting Lucian, suddenly seemed the right thing to do. “I shall book a table for us, will seven suit you?” the voice again roused me from my lamentations. “Yes, thank you.” I had expected to have the matter in hand and that the applicant would subserviently fall in with my plans, yet, as I terminated the call, I realized that Lucian had stepped in and taken over the arrangements as if it was his plan to begin with. I spent the following week agonizing over my decision and once or twice considered calling Lucian and cancelling the appointment, yet I was curious to know why such a magnificent specimen as he would consider having a child with a perfect stranger when surely, he could have anyone he wanted. I told myself that perhaps he felt himself to be so wonderful that he felt he had to procreate and leave some of his magnificence behind yet did not want the responsibility of raising a child.  I had several theories filed in my head by Friday and had created for myself a mystery I just had to solve, such was the nature of a scientist, I thought. I dressed in the nicest outfit I had in my cupboard, a green full-length skirt and tight-fitting bodice. As I buttoned the bodice, I looked at myself in the full-length mirror in my bedroom. I knew I did not look my age and could easily pass for someone ten years my junior.  I wore my blonde hair long and for the meeting with Lucian I experimented with a French knot, then loosened it and allowed it to fall over my shoulders. I usually wore it in a ponytail for work and either style was something different for me.  As I checked my watch for the umpteenth time, I shrugged my shoulders and left my hair loose. I decided to take my car although the restaurant was walking distance from my home. Smartly, I reasoned that should I not like Lucian, I could at least drive away without him having an inkling of where I lived. Although the restaurant was dimly lit it took me less than a few seconds to recognize Lucian. He made an imposing figure in his dark suit and light shirt.  Although I had, at the last minute, decided to wear heels, he still towered over me. As we shook hands his violet eyes bore into mine. If anything, his photo did not do him much justice.  The real live specimen was more impressive than I could ever have imagined. I composed myself and pulled my hand from his grip. As he led me to our table, I firmly told myself to concentrate on my goal and stop lusting after the physical being whose back was as impressive as his front. Once seated he ordered a bottle of wine.  At the time it did not occur to me that he did not ask my preference before placing the order. For the second time in my life, I was at a loss for words, but Lucian made up for my silence by confidently making small talk.  To this day I can hardly remember what we spoke about until much later when, during our main course, he touched on our reason for meeting. “Why would a woman such as yourself have to advertise for someone to father her children?” Still mesmerized by his baritone voice and British accent I had to quickly change gear in my mind to get myself to focus on the matter at hand. “I am exactly who I said I was.  I am a research scientist. I love children, but in my endeavor to have a child or children I also wish only the best for such a child and in doing so I would rather apply my scientific mind to producing such a child than rely on emotion alone to procreate.” Even to me my words sounded cold and harsh, and I desperately wished I had a different explanation. I could see Lucian mulling over my words. I had tried to read his thoughts all night, but he was either too cunning or was indeed as emotionally detached as I thought myself to be. Even while watching him digest the information, I gave him I found it difficult to ascertain exactly what he thought about it.  Instead, I attempted to turn the tables. “And why would a man such as yourself consider venturing into such an arrangement?” Lucian smiled at me then and took a long while to answer. “I guess I was more curious about why a woman, who wanted to be a mother, could be so calculating in obtaining her heart’s desire. I took a bet with myself that she was probably brilliant but unattractive.  I am glad to find that I was indeed wrong in my assumption.” His comment set me at ease, and I proceeded to tell him about my friends’ children and how I, seeing that I would be raising a child by myself, wanted an ‘easy’ child, a child who had everything going for him or her. “I was an only child and always promised myself that should I ever consider having children I would make sure I had a whole brood.” I laughed at his comment and told him I had the same notion but that under the circumstances I would rather have one than none. “Would you not find it ideal to have two children at the same time then?” “Oh, indeed I would,” I can still hear myself answer. “Then my dear you have chosen wisely. Both my parents were born one of a set of twins as was I, but regrettably my sister passed away at birth. As such, should you choose me to father a child you will have a larger than fifty percent chance to give birth to twins.” I had never thought of having twins before as I came from a family where multiple births were not known to occur, yet as I listened to Lucian I warmed to the idea and told myself that I could not wish for anything better. In my mind I started to tick the boxes and found only a few still un-ticked before I could give Lucian my final verdict. I took a deep breath and set about the business at hand. “Tell me more about your work…” Lucian proceeded to graciously recite his credentials, not much of which registered in my mind. Until I recently discovered the truth about Lucian I was baffled and stunned that I could have been so dim and shallow to not have paid more attention to this aspect of his story. But let me fast forward a little. After spending just over three hours with Lucian I had made up my mind that I could not have wished for a better candidate. As the evening drew to a close, I realized that I had to address the business side of the transaction. I outlined the plan to Lucian, explaining to him that I would arrange with a well-known fertility clinic to handle the sperm donation and subsequent implants. I made it clear that I would carry all the costs of the procedures and that further input from him would not be expected.  I also asked him to name his price for his services. I was surprised when Lucian suddenly laughed out loud. The sound of his laughter startled me as it bellowed around the room, we were seated in. “I do not need your money my dear and certainly do not wish to be paid for ‘my services’ as you so elegantly just put it. However, I do have some conditions of my own.” I remember how my heart started racing at hearing his words as until then I had pictured myself in complete charge of the situation and had not once thought of the possibility that the candidate would have any conditions of his own. I barely managed to hold it together but found myself intrigued none the less and looked at him questioningly. “I cannot in clear conscience father a child not knowing whether this child can be adequately provided for. Until now you have had the privilege of obtaining my education and work record, know a little about my family, whereas I know nothing about you. I thus wish to propose that we get to know one another a bit better before proceeding in this venture.” I was surprised again by his proposal, but somehow it pleased me, and I agreed to it. “Although it would not be a prerequisite to our arrangement, I would like to ask you to re-consider, after getting to know me better, about me being involved in my child’s life.” This sounded reasonable to me at the time. He did say it was not a prerequisite and did propose to give me the option to decide after getting to know him, I thus nodded in agreement and even managed to smile in agreement to his proposal. Getting home that evening I barely closed the door behind me before letting out a mighty whoop in celebration of my success. I was elated and for once I had no doubt that my plan was the best thing I ever came up with. As there is so much more to my story than my initial relationship with Lucian I do not wish to dwell on the days and weeks that followed my meeting with Lucian other than to say that in the end there was no need to visit a fertility clinic as our children were conceived naturally a few weeks later.