Grounded

-         You shouldn't stay here. This can be dangerous. -         Stop it. Do you still believe that I am afraid? He sits holding his breath and doesn't know if I can be trusted. I'm too weak, he thinks. He thinks I can't stand it. -         Look around. Danger cannot kill me. It would be much worse to let you go to be here alone. His palm touches mine and for a few more moments he hesitates. Finally, his hand grips mine tightly and we rise, blinded by the unrealistically bright sun. My skin is immediately covered in sweat, and the thin capillaries pulsate frantically, pushing the heat out - but there is no way back.   "I am not afraid to die. One day it will happen to each of us. My biggest fear is to stay alive and watch our world slowly collapse, where the true meaning of the word "MAN" has long been forgotten…”   A week ago, all these people had no idea that they would be forced to do so. I know that there are professionals among them - their movements, methods, speed do not allow me to doubt it. But there are those who have never done this before. Most of them panic too much to think a little. -         Do you think we can break through this crowd? - my voice is calm, I know I made the right decision. -         We have no other options. In his eyes a mixture of excitement and anxiety. He cares about me, I feel it, but his doubts inflame the adrenaline in my blood even more. I can prove to him that I am capable of more than he expects from me. I'm searching for the thing that I need now. I have to concentrate, have to be brave, to prove myself that I can do it. But why is it so scary? Why am I doing it now, when I'm not sure that ready for so big changes in my life. But it's true and he is right. We have no other options now. This crazy, unpredictable catastrophe, that ruined my life, his life, all our lives is real. And we have to start living with this understanding, hoping that one day everything will be changed and became the same as we used before. -          Fire escape. On the left, - I give orders as easily as if I always do. - On the third floor there is a passage to the office with a handle. -         And? - he still doesn't understand my plan. -         Stay here. I have too little strength to explain. Fortunately, he doesn't have time to think - I'm already going straight into the thick of it. It can kill me. This explosive, uncontrolled Brownian motion, created by colorless human bodies, causes me an attack of nausea and disgust, but strangely enough, I do not feel fear at all. I pass the crowd quickly and just in time - a shot is heard somewhere very close and I hear people running around in fright, but I have no wish to watch them. I know my purpose. One step and another. Accelerate your movement, bend your knees and hope that your hands still remember the former strength. There is no one here, so no one notices how deftly I climb the fire escape and deftly run them on the third flight. - The key! I don`t have the key!... Probably, for the first time in several years, I allow myself to swear like a trucker in front of a traffic police post. The door is locked. I squat to inspect the lock - can I open it with something else? Fortunately, the building casts a shadow in my direction and I no longer feel these horrible rays burning my body to the bone. It turns out to be too easy - to open a rusty door lock. It seems that no one has used it for a long time. He stands under the ladder, his dumb gaze escorting me into the darkness of the office corridor. - The first, the second, the third… - I count aloud not to feel so lonely and scared Finally, I find the ones I need and fortunately, they turn out to be open. Inside is empty, I did not expect to see here at least one familiar face. A lot of people think that my job is awful. But now it turns out that working as a cashier in a hypermarket is not the bottom. At least now I know how to provide myself with the food and water, bypassing the most brutal outbreaks of vandalism. - Attention, alarm! - I hear my voice as usual and with pleasure, I imagine how frightened the eyes of those who are now inside, listening to one more scary new. - An anticyclone is approaching the city, all buildings will be demolished by its force and all who will remain in them will be buried alive. Please urgently come to the help points at your place of residence! They will provide you the necessary instructions. It takes near 10 or 15 minutes before I dare to look outside. -         I have learned more about you in the last three days than we have in three years of our married life,- he says as we descend into the trading floor together, using a flashlight to illuminate only the outlines of this huge room. - Where did you learn this? -         Pretend to be Zorro and break into other people's premises? It's in my blood, I just never tried it. People have many talents that they are afraid to show. It is strange to see this pavilion so dark and quiet. It resembles a giant who suddenly decided to sleep. But no one liked the idea. Its insides now looked like a garbage can, not the cover of a magazine, as it always were and should have been. -         They stole most of the products. - for some reason, he whispers and it suddenly irritates me. -         You can speak louder, hardly anyone will hear us. -         Are you sure that we are here alone? Fortunately, in an hour of searching, we manage to gather our grocery basket. A few packs of bread, a package of water, dry and wet wipes, toilet paper, antiseptic for hands, crackers, two cans of canned peas and corn, a stick of sausage and smoked salmon, a couple of candies rolled under the rolls melted chocolate, spare batteries, raincoats, vegetable seedlings - we take everything we could theoretically need.   -         Almost forgot,- he says, emerging in front of me with a bottle of wine and a big pack of the beer. -         Do you really think we need it? -         We can afford it,- he shrugs and I shudder. A shadow passes behind him. -         Something happened? - he notices the horror in my eyes and turns around, but it's too late - an invisible creature snatches a flashlight from his hands and grips him to the ground. -         Run!- he shouts, and I really run, barely dragging our supplies. "Throw them away and run away before it's too late," his voice spins in my head. But no, I'm not ready to give up. At least not now. I have a flashlight in my pocket, but I don't want to turn it on. I couldn't run too far, but I didn't hear any noise from the fight. Who was it and what happened to HIM? I should go back and check, but I understand that I have to give myself at least a few minutes to calm down. This indifferent whistle pierces me harder than the harshest winter cold. - Kitty, come out, don't be so shy. Do you feel sorry for the poor homeless to give some food? I try not to make any sounds and everything inside me calms down as if obeying an unspoken order. A sudden light on the left makes me realize that he is very close. -         Well, I won't do you any harm,- his voice sounds confident. - I just need a bit of food and... maybe you. After all, you understand how difficult it is for a man to live alone… I have to fight. The basket is in front of me and I know that the second time I will not be able to lift it and run away with it - I will hardly have enough strength to lift at least myself. Above my head are several pallets and they crash to the side, giving me a chance to disappear unnoticed. The food basket is left behind. - My turn, - I hear a familiar voice and its silhouette immediately slips near me. A few more pallets and perhaps even racks are falling, this crash seems too loud, compared to the silence around. A few more minutes of uncertainty, and then he says: -         Get out. This guy is not as strong as he seemed to be. He shines a flashlight just in his face. Wrinkled, short and very lean - he probably hasn`t eaten normally for a long time. -         Did you kill him? - My question turns out to be too indifferent. -         Unlikely. However, it is better for us not to stay here more.   I follow him, hurrying and just before leaving I realize what just happened. The raging sun breaks through the windows, which can barely withstand its onslaught, and I suddenly start laughing, so much so that tears begin to flow from my eyes. -         What's wrong? Not the best place and time to laugh. But I can't stop myself. -         Did I miss something? I calm down as suddenly as I started. - You missed. Just like me. Three years of our married life, in which, as it turns out, lived completely different people….   Proposal. Wedding ring. The first wedding dance. Sure "yes" in the face of God. Greetings from relatives. Stupid gifts and wedding night, spend on them. And words that no one could believe.   -         Do you think we will be able to live if it continues?   It's too hot upstairs, and it's dangerous, but what if someone else again wants to eat our trophies? We go down to the basement, where a single window reminds us of what a mess we got into without expecting it. -         Unlikely. - I mentally thank him for his honesty. - When the Earth stopped, thousands of people were taken out of its borders, even more, covered by the tsunami and died in earthquakes. The air temperature is constantly rising, and in the rest of the world, on the contrary, is falling uncontrollably. While we suffer from abnormal heat, they also suffer greatly from unbearable frosts. If we can live, it is only underground, but it takes time to adapt. I'm not sure it's real. I am silent. Is there anything to say in this case? -         Scientists have been preparing for this for a long time,- he continues. - Scientists, technologists, engineers - there is a certain circle of people who were concerned about this issue much earlier than it could even arise in our heads. Who would have imagined that one day we would be forced to kill each other because of food and betray friends, just to save our own lives? We would have a much better chance of surviving if we acted like humans rather than animals… Does he want to hear my answer? I notice that he is too focused on his thoughts and the bottle hanging between his knees. -         And in sorrow, and in joy, and in life, and in death,- I say suddenly. - No matter how much we want to avoid it, we will still have to die in one day. You will not escape destiny. Or God - that's what we swore to him. Surely he does not accept excuses? The words in his eyes make me shudder. Now I see how much he is afraid. -         Or we can be like Adam and Eve,- and I understand his hint. -         Oh, no, I'm against. Moreover, if Adam is you, then Eve's place is already taken. And I'm not going to claim it. -         We broke up a few weeks ago. She had to fly to her parents in Turkey and then go to work in Spain. -         Thank you for such openness. - and irritation spreads with new force through my body. Why do I need these details? Why are we sitting here at all? Why did I meet him when I was running away from a g**g of frozen idiots who wanted to r**e me? Why did he ask me to unite, because "it's easier together", and I foolishly agreed to that? I avoided him for too long because I knew that any careless word could cause an avalanche of old emotions in me, and although I was convinced that I would never return to it, even one meeting could be fatal for me. Much worse than what has happened to this world now. -         You know, I don't care. -         I know not. That's why I say. Did I have a chance to survive if I acted on my own? I didn't know that, I could only check, leaving him here alone. Where is the nearest help point and will the people who are called to protect our imaginary peace really be able to give advice to all this angry crowd, in which I can soon become a member? -         You want to escape. Again? - he seems to be reading my thoughts. -         Stop pretending to be Nostradamus, you do not deserve this role. -         And you do not deserve the role of a b***h, which you always tried to be. Isn't there something more suitable? Outrage holds my breath. -         Well, I'm sorry. I'll just finish this bottle with you and get out of here. His touch hurts me. -         Do you know why I found a replacement for you so quickly? Not because I'm a lustful male, as you think. And not because I hated you so much that I agreed to marry the first-best that happened on my way. Touch my chest, do you know what's in it? Nothing. Empty. There is no heart there - you took it with you when you left me. -         You betrayed me! -         NO! No matter what b***h you are, I never! never could do that. I m*********d on p**n while you slept. These were the only times I finished thanks to other women. But they could never take your place. -         You're a liar and a scoundrel. - I feel like weakness suddenly covers my head, and his hands are holding me tighter and tighter. -         Of course. And so it is. I never denied it. -         I want to go home. I want to sleep and eat normally. I want to forget about meeting you. Why did you come again? -         You cannot escape your destiny? - he quotes me and from this, I want to smear him as hard as possible on the cheeky pizza. I like to argue with him, to feel the former anger spilling over my body for everything that was and could be between us, for everything that was not and for everything that remained unsaid - because only then I can stay indifferent to him. But instead, I succumb to his warm hands and lips, the taste of which I have long forgotten. It must be a dream. A horror that has to be repeated in a circle until I find a way out of his maze. But I have too little strength to resist him…   The world cannot be saved. They do not talk about it because they are afraid of panic. But could there be anything worse than what is happening now? People are ready to kill each other for food. There are no dogs or cats left on the streets. Even the birds froze in their eternal song of lost life. Once clean streets have become an extinct realm, full of the smell of rot and fear that has crept into every nook and cranny of the surviving houses. People have turned into zombies who roam in search of salvation, forgetting that they have no chance to return to the world of the living.   The underground bunkers made us senseless beings because the meager chances of salvation melted away with the last order of the commander from the Ministry of Emergency Situations to evacuate to the depths of the earth. After the Earth stopped, several continents turned into one big spot, the oceans ran around like frightened kittens, burying most of the land in their possessions. The winds blow away anything that can still function, and particles from space kill the lungs of anyone who dares to climb up without protective equipment. There are hundreds, thousands of us here. Lost souls who survived from the outside, but died without noticing it. Punished for audacity and negligence, who so easily allowed themselves everything and eventually destroyed their own world with indifferent hands. He assures me that we can still revive everything. To build a civilization underground, to restore what our ancestors went to for so long, to become better, stronger. But sometimes it seems to me that he does not believe what he says. And when I touch his face, I realize that he has already resigned himself. But I still can't figure out how to live with it. And is it worth it at all… I'm painting on the walls not to feel so miserable. I'm painting my home, where I lived for so many years, my dog and her puppies, a huge oak-tree behind my window. I remember how I used it when was a teenager and parent's told me to stay home, but I dreamed about dates with this awesome boy from my class. I'm painting all my life and love, that passed by. I don't want to feel lost. And my only way to still being alive is to believe. Believe, that one day we will come back to our usual world.   -         In fact, no one knows when the end of the world will come. Maybe it already happened, and we died, but just don't remember. -         I do not know about you, but for me, this place does not look like paradise. -         Why do you think that we could only get to it? ...