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After talking until the early hours of the morning, Deniz and Katherina came to a decision that would save them both. All he had to do now was talk to his family and put his plan into action, but he was extremely nervous because he knew his family would not approve of the idea of a foreign bride..
While having breakfast, he suddenly gathered his courage and started talking: "Mom, Dad, there's something important I want to talk to you about, but I'm worried about your reaction. So please listen to me until the end without interrupting me."
Kemal and Handan looked at each other with dissatisfaction, then Kemal turned to his son and said, "I don't think anything good will come out of this conversation, but go on, son, we're listening to you," and took a sip of his tea with the same dissatisfaction on his face. Deniz felt his stomach churn with tension. He had always been afraid of his father, but he still had to talk and find a solution to this problem..
''I will go out to dinner with Leyla tonight, as you wish, but I will not marry her. I cannot consider her as my wife, please do not force me to do so. However, I do not want to ignore your wishes. I have a girlfriend whom I have been seeing for a while, her name is Katherina. She is of Bulgarian origin, I have never thought of proposing to her until now because I know that you will not like the idea of a foreign bride, but if it is not with Katherina, I do not plan to marry anyone else. So the decision is up to you, either I will remain single for the rest of my life or we will marry Katherina, you decide. ''
Deniz was taking a big gamble, he could almost feel his heart beating in his mouth. After swallowing, he looked at his family's faces with hesitant eyes. He secretly gripped his teacup tightly, not wanting the tea to spill on him, because he was expecting his father to knock over the breakfast table.
Deniz didn't want to think anything bad about his father, because he loved him but he always knew that his father was a man with anger issues. Yes, he had never been violent in his family before but when he got angry things in the house would definitely break and shatter and objects would gather his father's anger. So Deniz was ready to receive extreme reactions from his father..
"Hmm, okay, whatever you want. When can we meet that girlfriend of yours?"
"Kemal, what do you mean? How can we accept a foreign bride into our family?"
Deniz watched his mother and father arguing with each other in surprise. This was not the reaction he expected from his father. Could salvation really be that easy?
"Handan, what do you expect me to do? The boy has a girlfriend, he says he won't marry anyone else. He'll be 30 soon, his chances of having children are decreasing with each passing year. Should we go against his wishes and let our family disappear without an heir? Even though I don't like the idea of a foreign bride, I have to accept it. I suggest the same to you."
Deniz carefully studied his mother's worried expression, her mouth wide open in surprise. Was marrying a foreigner really something to worry about? While he was thinking about these, his father Kemal said he had one condition: "If we don't like the girl's attitude, you won't insist and you will marry someone of our choice. If you accept, bring the girl so we can talk."
After hearing these words, Deniz immediately stood up with joy and hugged his father. They had not been this close to each other for many years, so his father laughed loudly as he patted his back: "If you love her so much, why didn't you tell me before, son? Did you think we were monsters? Of course we would have accepted her."
When Deniz saw his father's sincere attitude, he felt ashamed of his own prejudices: "Don't worry, Dad. You will like Katherina. I'm sure she will fit into our family. She is a very good person."
"So what's your plan now? How and when do we meet your bride?"
''I haven't used my annual leave for the last three years, so I have two months of legal leave from work. I'll apply for that leave today. Then I'll go to Bulgaria and meet Katherina's family. Unfortunately, her parents won't be able to attend the wedding because they're in poor health, but they don't mind. When I return to Turkey, I'll bring Katherina with me. As you know, our tenant's contract will end in three months and we'll be able to move into that house. What do you think?''
"You seem to have planned everything in detail, son. It's fine with us. Whatever you want. It'll be sad not to meet the Katherina's family, but there's nothing to be done. That's just how young people are nowadays."
Although his mother was against her son marrying a foreign bride, Deniz ignored her objections and got to work. While there was a new hope in his life, he had no intention of destroying this hope because of his mother's whims. He did everything as planned throughout the day, as of the new week he would have two months of vacation. With these thoughts, for the first time in years his face finally smiled.
*********
Deniz's dinner with Leyla was much more fun than he expected, Deniz hadn't laughed this much in a long time and hadn't talked to anyone this sincerely. Still, since the purpose of this dinner was clear, there would be unpleasant conversations and Deniz had to eliminate those plans..
"I'm so glad you met me tonight, Leyla. We hadn't had the chance to see each other for the last few years, but old friendships die hard and it was easy to catch up. Still, I know there are some serious things we need to talk about. So it would be best if I started talking..."
Leyla began to speak before giving Deniz a chance to finish his words: "Let me start first, because what I have to say is extremely important. I know you will be very surprised after hearing this, but I have been in love with you since we were kids. You have always been extremely honest and sincere with me, and in all the years we have been together, I have never seen you in a relationship with anyone. I am also sure that you have always put me above other women, so I assumed that our feelings were mutual. Am I wrong?"
After Leyla finished speaking, she looked at Deniz's face for a long time. At the same time, Deniz was also examining her carefully. Leyla's excitement and anxiety were clearly visible on her face. She must have been suppressing her feelings for a long time. Deniz saw his own past in Leyla and naturally could not help but feel sorry for her. Had Baran also looked at Deniz with such pitying eyes? Deniz was having difficulty remembering. Still, he had to put an end to this: "I understand and respect your feelings. Thank you so much for opening your heart to me, Leyla. But I can't reciprocate your feelings because I see you as a good friend. I've never looked at you that way and I guess I never will. I'm so sorry."
When Deniz finished speaking, Leyla burst into tears. Deniz was devastated and cursed himself inwardly. Why did he have to be gay? If he wasn't gay, could he reciprocate Leyla's feelings? No, the problem wasn't that he was gay, the problem was that he had to hide it. If he could be honest with Leyla and tell her that he was gay, maybe he could give her some peace, but Deniz knew he was too cowardly for that, so he kept quiet and waited silently for Leyla to calm down, and there was nothing else he could do..
Deniz turned his head and looked away from the window because encountering Leyla's tears was crushing his conscience. All he could see was the endless darkness of the wavy sea shining with the moonlight. Deniz promised himself that he would never forget this day for the rest of his life, that one day he would tell everyone that he was gay. At least imagining it gave him some peace.
For the first time in his life, Deniz thought, "I wish I had never been born," because the burden of regret he took on tonight would be a burden he would carry for the rest of his life...
- Writer
