Funeral culture

From childhood to adulthood, I have participated in many funerals with my ancestors. In our hometown, "marriage, funeral, and wedding" always gather many relatives, and there are many customs included in them. Compared with "wedding", "funeral" is more respectful and orderly, and it is more similar to what is recorded in historical books. When I was young, I was always curious and asked "why" when I saw something new and didn't understand. Growing up, I am still the same, a "curious baby". I have always wanted to write about the custom of "funeral", but I have never heard the complete version. The adults who understand these things always speak in dialects, and I can't really understand which word those things are. No one can fully explain the true meaning of those ceremonies. When I was young, I only went to the funeral on the day of the funeral. On that day, a tailor would give us "mourning clothes," which were made of white cloth, and also a "mourning hat" and a "red cloth strip". At that time, I wondered why some people had to wear white clothes all over their body, and why some people only had a white belt and a very thin red cloth strip. Every time I asked them curiously, they would say, "That person is a 'filial son', this is the 'grandchild generation', and the others are from the 'main family'." In this way, every funeral told me a few words and pieces of information. Every time I went to a funeral, I would actively ask for "mourning clothes" to wear, and even ask for a "thick red cloth strip" - as the elderly often said, using red cloth to cover the body can ward off evil spirits. It wasn't until just over a year ago, when my grandfather passed away, that I experienced the entire process of the funeral from beginning to end. The entire process of the funeral starts from when the person is on their deathbed or has just passed away, and involves dressing the person in their "shroud". In our dialect, it is called "zhuang guo yi" or "zhuang lao yi shang". In standard Mandarin, it is called "shou yi". My grandfather's clothes were put on after he passed away. When I arrived at my grandmother's house, most of the clothes had already been put on. I saw my grandfather lying there quietly, with a "coin in his mouth" (a Qing Dynasty copper coin used to hold down the tongue). The only parts of his body that were exposed were his cheeks and hands, which were pale yellow in color, completely devoid of any blood. I had never seen hands of that color before. The shroud usually consists of three pieces on top and three pieces on the bottom, although some use five pieces on top and three on the bottom. Women may also wear a cloak. The so-called "top three" are a shirt, a cotton coat, and a robe; the "bottom three" are pants, cotton trousers, and a robe. In addition, there are shoes and a hat. Usually, an odd number is used. Before dressing the person, their face is wiped, their body is wiped, their hair is combed, and they are told to "see death as life" (just like when they were alive). This custom has a long history and is deeply rooted in our culture. Every step and detail has its own meaning and significance, which reflects our respect and reverence for the deceased.It's difficult to explain why we can't cry, but I've heard stories from my third aunt and Aunt Xiao Xue about their fathers' passing, so I'm extra cautious. According to these stories, when someone passes away, if others cry at that moment, the body will suddenly sit up and then lie back down, or the face will suddenly contort with eyes and mouth wide open, and then the body will be at peace again. They say that the crying makes it difficult for the departed to let go and move on. My grandfather passed away in the early morning at his home in the city, and people often say that a person chooses the time to leave, but he left so peacefully. We drove him back to his hometown overnight, and it was even quieter in the countryside. It was winter in the north, and the bare mountains and howling north wind made it even colder. I had only been back home for three days when he passed away. When we arrived at his hometown, we placed him on a wooden board (the ice coffin had not yet arrived), and two groups of people were there. The elderly people from the countryside came to the house to help put paper on the face of the deceased and tie his hands and feet with hemp rope, while outside the door, people were setting off firecrackers and turning over rice bowls and pasting white paper on the door. When they heard the firecrackers, the filial children all knelt down, presented offerings, lit eternal flames, and began to cry loudly and burn paper while crying.When someone passes away in Chinese culture, there are many traditional customs and practices that are followed to honor and mourn the deceased. These customs have been passed down through generations and vary depending on the region and family. The first step after someone passes away is to inform relatives, friends, and neighbors. In the past, people used to announce the death by hiring professional criers or beating gongs and drums. Nowadays, a simple phone call or message is enough. The next step is to prepare for the funeral. The body is washed and dressed in clean clothes, and a picture of the deceased is placed on the altar along with offerings of food, incense, and candles. The altar is usually set up in the living room or another prominent location in the house. Before the funeral, a wake is held for family and friends to pay their respects and offer condolences. The length of the wake varies but is typically three to seven days. During this time, guests may bring offerings of food and money to help the family with funeral expenses. On the day of the funeral, the body is carried in a hearse to the cemetery or crematorium. The family and guests follow in cars or on foot. At the cemetery or crematorium, a brief ceremony is held, and the body is laid to rest. After the funeral, a period of mourning begins, known as the mourning period or "sitting in filial piety". During this time, the family wears mourning clothes and refrains from participating in social activities or celebrations. The length of the mourning period varies depending on the relationship to the deceased but is typically three to one hundred days. Throughout the mourning period, the family may hold various ceremonies and rituals to honor the deceased, such as burning incense, offering food and drinks, and reciting prayers. At the end of the mourning period, a ceremony is held to "release the soul" and allow the deceased to pass on to the afterlife. These traditions and customs are an important part of Chinese culture and reflect the value placed on family, respect for the deceased, and honoring tradition.In the following days, there were different arrangements such as "buying materials", "welcoming materials", "offering supplies", "serving dishes", "sending plate offerings", "pulling life", and "requesting someone to be the main mourner". There were countless tasks that needed to be done, including many fixed rituals. Among these, I want to highlight the "sending plate offerings" ritual, which always gives me a sense of horror when I hear about it. It is held after the "person is settled", which is when the villagers have all gone to sleep, usually around midnight. The filial children start to leave their homes, with the son at the forefront and the daughters lined up behind him, carrying offerings such as steamed buns, burnt paper, and incense. They go to a crossroads facing the direction of the grave, bowing and kowtowing, burning the paper, breaking up the buns, and throwing them in all directions. Then they begin to walk back, holding the mourning staff and crying on their knees, with a veil covering their faces. At this time, you cannot whisper to anyone or turn your head backward, and you cannot walk back the way you came. The purpose of this ritual is to welcome back the "soul" of the deceased. The elders say that the soul of the deceased follows behind the filial children at this time. In the underworld, the deceased is handcuffed and shackled, and if anyone turns their head back, the black and white impermanence will whip them, which will increase the "malevolence" of the deceased. The filial children must walk back to the altar of the deceased and bow their heads to put the soul at rest.Afterwards, I asked the aunts about their feelings. Some said that they found it hard to catch their breath, crying and kneeling behind the others who were walking faster and faster. Yesterday afternoon, my fourth aunt showed me the fish she was eating during a video call. I mentioned this ritual to her again and asked her if she was afraid of being one of the last people to walk back. She insisted that she wasn't scared, even though she was the most timid among her generation. She was the one who always dragged me along to the toilet whenever we visited our hometown, and she always returned to the room one step ahead of me. She hung up on me soon after, saying, "It's not good to talk while eating. I might choke on fish bones." As for whether the "funeral culture" is essence or dross, I find it hard to define. I don't want to be too serious about it. Everything I discovered is out of my curiosity.