Write on me

Chapter 5

Warm water flowing over my skin always soothed me and closing my eyes just allowed me to transport myself to wherever I wished to be.

When I was younger I would love taking showers because it made me feel like I was standing beneath a waterfall. My mom would hate it because I wouldn’t want to get out and I would usually end up with shampoo in my eyes as a result of the whole resistance.

I still treated it like a waterfall sometimes when my head was filled with too many thoughts.

“What are you doing in my room?” I questioned my sister as I entered from the bathroom after finishing my shower and was surprised to find her standing in the middle of my room.

“I am trying to figure out when you are going to declutter. How do you even concentrate when your space is this unorganized?” She moved over to my little desk and picked apart some things which annoyed me because she would freak if I did the same in her room.

“As I have said before, its an organized mess that happens to stimulate my brain. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get ready before you complain about us being late again” I took the notebook from her hands and placed it back onto the desk.

“I don’t know why you are so modest when we are identical” She rolled her eyes as she reluctantly left the room while I did the same before shutting my door as we weren’t.

She had flawless skin and I guess worked hard to get it with all her facial routines while I avoided anything beauty related so I suffered. My legs were much more muscular than hers because of soccer and they were flawed; despite me being quite fit I didn’t really mind binging here and there and I wasn’t referring to Netflix.

“I feel like I never see you around school anymore” Melissa spoke as we drove to school.

“I didn’t think you could spot me through the crowd that surrounds you” I said with a rather sarcastic tone and I wasn’t sure where it came from.

“Whatever. But I am serious, it feels like you are hiding away more than usual. Does this have something to do with where you were the weekend?” She wouldn’t let some things go, she always needed to know everything.

“Just because we are twins doesn’t mean that you need to know everything I do, Mel. I don’t question you on what you had to do on Saturday that was so important you had to ditch me” I briefly stared at her as I rolled down the window a bit and inhaled the fresh air that blew in.

“I told you that Adam had an emergency and as his girlfriend I needed to be there for him. I keep telling you I will make up for it.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to”

Her eyes briefly settled on me before she focused on the road again, “Why are you being so snappy? Is it because you are jealous that I actually have friends to hang out with and a boyfriend that decides to make last minute plans with me, unlike you?”

“Are you serious?” I scrunched up my face as I wasn’t sure where on earth those words came from.

“Yes I am. I am so sick of feeling guilty for hanging out with my boyfriend when it’s a normal thing to do, just not for you” She shook her head as she blurted out the words that she seemed to be wanting to release for quite some time.

“I never said you had to feel guilty” I softly spoke but made sure my voice was steady even though she had hurt my feelings by saying those things.

“Yet you always put me on a guilt trip like you just did a couple minutes ago!”

“I was just trying to make a point that I don’t question you on things. Why are you being so freaking persistent about my weekend?” I groaned.

“Because you have been acting super weird ever since Saturday. You lock your door at night and play that annoying loud music and when we drive to school you stick your earphones in” She wavered.

“Well I guess since I am such a jealous sister I don’t want to hear you have lovey dovey phone calls with Adam or hear you brag about what an amazing guy he is on our way to school” I rolled my eyes.

“Sometimes you can be such a b***h, you know. But because you’re an outcast at school you couldn’t possibly be one” She mimicked and I bit the inside of my cheek as I just wanted to get to school already yet the drive just didn’t seem to reach its end.

“I have a right not to tell you things. You didn’t even tell me about Adam until he showed up on our doorstep for your first date”

“Maybe because I didn’t want to seem like I was insensitive because the only guy you liked at the time was a royal jerk to you”

I remained silent and I heard her sigh.

I knew she was probably about to try and smooth things over, but we had five minutes before we reached school, so I slipped in my earphones and blocked her out.

●●●

I stood in line once again in the cafeteria and watched as my sister was seated at the center of all the chaos, surrounded by her group of friends that were of course popular as well but not like her. She was laughing loudly as they joked about what I couldn’t be sure while resting her head on Adam’s shoulder.

Her claim that I was jealous because I wanted all of that was ridiculous because I had it briefly when I had been glued to her side and all I wanted then was out. I just hadn’t wanted to be seen and I had gotten what I wanted, I was basically invisible and it's what I enjoyed.

I didn’t crave anything she had with Adam, a bit more confidence maybe but not the attraction pull she had, I loved repelling people.

As I made my way to my comfy chair in the library I experienced a sense of déjà vu as Dane was seated once more in my chair. Instead of skimming through my book, his head was rested back, and I was sure his eyes were closed.

I couldn’t be sure as he had his hoodie on and I briefly thought about quickly turning and running in the opposite direction like I had for the past few days but then I remembered where I was. The library was one of the few places I could escape to and even though I dreaded having to face him, I wasn’t going to allow him to chase me away from my sanctuary.

I cleared my throat and he didn’t seem to be startled or anything, but he shifted and slowly sat up to gaze at me through his hair that hid his grey eyes well.

I waited for him to say something, but he didn’t utter a word even though I was certain his eyes were on me due to how awkward I felt.

It felt like an eternity had gone by when he finally spoke, “Do you have make-up?”

“What?” I blurted out as I had been expecting him to say anything but to ask me that.

He didn’t seem to think it was an odd question as his voice was calm as he spoke again, “Those things to hide your pimples and s**t. Do you have it?”

I almost laughed as I thought it was obvious that I wasn’t one to wear it but there was no amusement in his voice, more like urgency.

“I have Phys Ed after this and while I can get away with this hoodie in most of my classes, that’s not one of them” His annoyance was clear but more at the situation and not me.

“What does concealer have to do with it?” I frowned while he stood up, made his way towards me and stopped two feet away from me.

“Do you have it or not?” He lowered his voice and while I felt slightly intimidated due to his broad figure I wasn’t going to show it.

I had already dealt with my sister going off on me this morning, I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of me being timid again.

“First tell me why you need it.” I folded my arms and tried to correct my posture a bit so that I could be taller, but it was pointless because I didn’t even reach his shoulder.

He slowly took off his hood and pulled his hair back and that’s when I saw the purple bruise on his cheek, “Oh.”

“So?”

“I don’t have make-up.”

He scoffed, “Well, this was pointless then.”

I narrowed my eyes but tried to be more empathetic and ignored his harsh tone, “I could get some from my sister.”

“She won’t want to know why you randomly want to borrow some make-up?”

“Nope, she will be thrilled. Just wait here” I sighed even though she was the last person I wanted to speak to, I knew she would keep appearances up in front of her friends.

He shrugged and pulled his hood up before he slouched back in my comfy chair while I made my way back to the cafeteria.

I wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact that I had thought I was avoiding him for days when he didn’t even seem to have noticed.

I walked over to Melissa’s table and dreaded having to interrupt their conversation, especially when we were still annoyed with each other. I guess annoyed would be an understatement when the words she had said had certainly cut me like a knife.

On a normal day I would have ignored her until we had time to sort things out after school but I had been dragged into Dane’s predicament, so I had to suck it up.

I felt all her friends’ eyes on me as I approached while my sister’s back was turned to me which caused her to glance over her shoulder. She seemed surprised to see me and I knew it was because once we went our separate ways in the morning we only interacted when we had to go home.

She excused herself from them and stood up, “If you are here to apologize its not necessary, sisters have fights and say silly s**t it’s not…”

“I’m not here to apologize” I cut her off and she rolled her eyes.

“Okay, guess we are going to drag this one out. So, what’s wrong? Is someone messing with you?” She narrowed her eyes and I tried not to smile as even though we had fought she was still ready to protect me.

“No, Mel. Uhm, do you maybe have some concealer for me? I just…”

“That pimple has been bothering me for ages I thought you just couldn’t see it!” I heard a few faint giggles from Amber and Stacy which earned them a glare from Mel.

“I could do it for you, it wouldn’t be a problem.” She shrugged as she dug through her bag for her little make-up bag.

“No, that’s okay.” I shook my head and extended my hand.

“Are you sure?” She questioned, and I sighed wishing for once she could not be so persistent.

“Positive. See you later” I quickly turned on my heel before she could stop me again.

Dane was exactly where I had left him when I returned but he seemed to sense my presence this time as he lifted his head as soon as I entered the section.

I raised the concealer up and made my way over to him, “You have no idea what it took to get this”

I had basically sucked up my pride because I knew even if they wouldn’t dare make fun of me in front of my sister there would be a discussion about Mel’s loser sister at some point.

“Did you have to sell your soul to the cool kids?”

I laughed softly, “Yeah, something like that”

I sat down on the arm of the chair while he simply stared up at me, so I hesitantly pulled his hood back and I was sure he would stop me, but he didn’t.

I pushed his hair back as well and he closed his eyes, I got to work while not being able to stop myself from observing him.

It was hard to truly look at him when his eyes were able to disarm you with how cold they could be even when I was sure he didn’t intend for them to be.

Even though the scars that appeared with the fresh bruise were old you could tell they had probably been quite deep when they were fresh.

I didn’t understand why he always seemed to find me when I was sure if he didn’t brush people off the other girls would be swooning over him. They probably wouldn’t have felt the way I did being so close to him because they had more experience with the opposite s*x while every stare, touch of his just made me feel things I wasn’t used to. It's why I pushed him away because I couldn’t even process the actual feelings I felt, it was just all overwhelming.

“You do know what you are doing right?” He questioned which startled me a bit as I had almost forgotten he was present while I was observing him.

“I have watched my sister doing this enough to know” I quickly answered even though I was just winging it, the bruise was being concealed so I was sure I was doing it right.

“And you have never been curious to use it on yourself?” I ignored the side of me that wanted to be offended by his question.

“No, I haven’t. I can barely get out of bed in the morning to get ready, so I can’t imagine having to actually put that effort in” I explained.

“Here I thought you were a morning person” He had a ghost of a smile on his face.

“Nope. I enjoy the darkness which is why I end up going to bed late and suffering in the morning”

“You are drawn to darkness huh?” He smirked as I finished up and he slowly opened his grey eyes and pinned them on me.

For the first time I realized how closely I had positioned myself to him to get the job done so I quickly got to my feet.

“The night time yes.”

He nodded, “Since I don’t have a mirror and I am sure you don’t either, I am just going to have to trust that you did a good job”

“You can keep this just in case” I handed him the concealer as he would probably end up showering after gym class and be back to square one. I was sure he could figure out how to apply it himself if I was able to.

“Don’t you have to return it to your sister?” He glanced at it as if it was stranger than owning a pocket knife.

“She won’t miss it” I shrugged, and he slipped it into his bag.

“Thanks.” He stood up while I frowned as he casually walked past me to leave.

“That’s it?” I blurted out which caused him to turn back and look at me, but confusion was written on his face.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.” I sighed and sat down to enjoy the last few minutes of break I hadn’t wasted by being helpful.

“If it were nothing you wouldn’t have stopped me, Meredith.”

“What happened to Princess?”

“Did it not disgust you hearing it from my mouth?” He questioned with a rather cocky tone.

“Yeah, kind of.” I shrugged even though I had gotten used to it a bit.

“So, what was it?” He questioned, and I wanted to blurt out that he had stolen my first kiss and seemed to not give it a second thought but maybe that’s just how things were.

You kiss someone one day and the next you just pretend like it didn’t happen, I had never kissed someone before so what was social etiquette afterwards?

I decided it was best just to follow his lead if that’s what he wanted to do for now, its not like I had the energy to bring it up anyway.

“Forget about it” I dismissed it and he gave me one last questioning look before he turned the corner.