What Love Entails

seven

sous l’ame || seven

♠︎

Blood.

There was blood everywhere.

I staggered back and gripped the edges of my bed. My head was swirling and everything I saw was red. I started to panic and urgently let out a scream.

My feet scrambled on its own, smearing the blood everywhere. I could hear the pounding of my heart right in my ear as I struggled to breathe. The last thing I saw was the door to my room banging open and the shocked and worried look on my parents' faces.

Then everything went pitch black.

————

The project deadline was Monday. So River and I agreed to meet up on Sunday to finish it off.

My thoughts drifted off to River like it always did. Our relationship seemed to be getting better. At least we actually talked now. But I couldn't say that we were getting closer. After all, with River, nothing was certain.

I was currently at the grocery store to pick up a few things my mom had asked me to. I pushed my trolley, scanning my eyes over the broad varieties of cereals. As I turned around the corner, the trolley banged with another trolley. I stopped mid-way of my apology when I looked up and my brown eyes locked with enticing gray ones.

He gave me a lopsided smile. "Fancy seeing you here, Kyla."

"I’m afraid I can’t say the same for you, Kaden."

"Ouch," he grinned as he placed his hand over his heart. "Its been just a week since we started talking and you already dread my company?"

I shrugged all the while grinning. "Sucks to be you."

"I don't think so," he smirked. "There are tons of people out there who are dying to be me."

I snorted. "Get off your high horse."

"Are you okay now?" Kaden's voice was soft and latched with concern.

My cheeks heated up as I recalled the incident that had happened a few days ago. "Yeah," I couldn't bring to level my eyes to his. "Thank you."

He gave me a soft smile. "Soo.." he trailed off then lit up as though he remembered something. "How's your project for English Lit going?"

"Uh, it's going good."

"Who's your partner?"

I hesitated. "River."

He blinked. "Wait, seriously?"

I averted my eyes to the floor. "Yeah."

"It's going good?" He asked with a hint of doubt and concern.

"Yeah, not bad," I laughed nervously.

"You know," he started, staring ahead of him. "River, he.."

My ears perked up as I scrutinised him. He looked like he was replaying something over in his mind. "What about him?" I asked, my voice laced with curiosity.

He turned and met my eyes. He shook his head and smiled. "Nevermind."

I frowned, wanting to press him on further but deciding it was best not to.

"Kaden!" We both turned to lay eyes on a beautiful redhead, waving at Kaden and gesturing him to head over to where she was.

"Oh well," Kaden ruffled my hair. "Looks like I have to go. See you, Kyla."

"Alright, bye."

—————

The faint sound of hushed whispers and sniffles was the first thing I heard as I regained consciousness. My eyelids felt heavy with my attempt to pry them open.

My parents were beside my bed in what looked like a hospital room. "Mom," I croaked out, making them snap their heads in my direction.

"Honey," my mom rushed to my side and held my hand. "How are you feeling?"

Her face looked sullen and her eyes looked red and tired. I glanced at my dad and saw that he mirrored the same dull look as mom.

"I- I'm fine, but," I looked around. "What happened? Is the ba-"

I stopped short on realising that I hadn't disclosed the fact that I was pregnant to anyone- not my parents nor River. I was too scared and anxious to. I wasn't ready.

My mom pressed her lips into a thin line and her eyes expressed sorrow. "I'm sorry, sweetheart.."

I blinked. No, no, no. Don't say what I think you're going to say.

"The doctors have checked," she averted her gaze. The next words she uttered in a grave whisper marked the end of me. "The baby is gone."

"What-" My breathing became irregular as a heavy feeling enclosed in on my chest. "I- No. That can't be-"

I burst out crying and my parents took no time to come to my aid and comfort me. My mom held me tightly as she herself tried to hold back her tears. Dad kept stroking my head in a comforting manner and I could tell that he too was grieved by this situation though he did not show it much.

The pain was eating me up. When I first found out that I was pregnant, I was in utter shock and denial. I kept asking myself why it had to happen. But now that my baby was gone, it felt like it took a part of me away with it. My chest felt constricted as I kept wailing. My mind was a maze of messed up thoughts.

Why? Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't I have been more careful? Why? Just why?

——

I left the hospital hand in hand with my parents. The doctor said that the bleeding had stopped and my condition was fine enough for me to get discharged.

Once we reached home, everything was silent.

"Honey-" my mom started but I cut her off. I needed to do this much.

"Mom, dad," my voice was soft and devoid of any energy. "I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry."

"It's okay-"

"I wanted to tell you guys," the tears started rolling. "But I- I was just so scared. I didn't know what to do. Everything was just- just so.." I trailed off, not knowing how to explain the gravity of what I had felt.

"Sweetheart," my dad spoke to me for the first time since I had woken up in the hospital. "It's really okay. We understand how scary it must've been."

My mom caressed my cheeks softly. "We're sorry we couldn't help ease your pain."

I started sobbing. "Thank you, mom, dad."

"You're really tired," my mom held my hand and started guiding me upstairs. "I think you should take proper rest."

"Do you want us to stay with you?" My dad asked.

I shook my head. "I just want some time alone please."

"Alright, take care. You know we love you so much, don't you?"

I nodded. "I love you both the same too."

"Go in now," my mom ushered me inside my room. "Rest well. Mom and dad are right here if you ever need us."

I closed the door quietly and locked it. Then I collapsed on my bed and started crying as every piece of me proceeded to crumble.

——

I didn't come out of my room for the next two days. I grieved and anguished over what could've been, forgetting about the outside world the entire while. My parents were extremely worried but they didn't push me into anything; they wanted me to take as much time as I needed.”

On the second day, River came over to my house. I had been ignoring his calls and messages, just like I had been ignoring everyone's. In the end, I turned my phone off.

"Honey," my mom peeked in through the half opened door. "River's here to see you."

My entire body perked up. "I don't want to see anyone right now." Especially not River.

My mom paused. "Are you sure?"

I hesitated at the thought. I had to face him sooner or later. He needed to know too, he had the right to. I slowly forced myself to get up. "Can you send him up here?"

"Alright."

I gulped nervously. My heart wouldn't stop accelerating. I tried to steady myself to sit upright on my bed when there was a soft knock on my door.

"Come in," I said after taking in a deep breath.

The door opened revealing River. He had a tense look on his face but it impeccably softened when he caught the sight of my disheveled self. He closed the door behind him softly.

"Hey," his voice sounded all guarded up.

"Hey."

"Are you okay?" His tone seemed to be laced with a mixture of emotions I couldn't quite make out.

I didn't answer. His question made me want to tear up and I tried my best to control it.

"Isn't there anything you want to say to me?"

I tensed up at that. But I just couldn't bring myself to say it. After all this time I was still so f*****g afraid. When River saw that I wasn't going to answer, he let out a long exhausted sigh as his fists clenched tightly.

"I heard," his voice was barely a whisper and it contained so much pain that it broke my heart a thousand times.

"River, I-" I felt the urgency to spill everything out but he cut me off.

"How long had you known that you were pregnant?" He asked through gritted teeth.

I stayed quiet for a while before mumbling, "About a month."

River closed his eyes and let out a slow ragged breath that was even painful to hear.

"I'm sorry, River. I just-" my voice was a mix of panic and pain.

"Don't." River held up his hand. "I don't want to hear it."

A cold chill ran through my entire body. "But-"

He opened his eyes and the look of immeasurable pain, sorrow and anger shut me up. "A f*****g month," he whispered. "How could you keep it from me for a f*****g month!?" I flinched at the loud and harsh tone of his voice. It carried so much fury that I gripped the fabric of my dress hard.

"I mean, how is that even-" he looked at me with immense disbelief before burying his face in his hands in frustration.

"I- I was just so scared, River," I emphasised through quivering lips, trying so hard to get my point across. "I thought maybe this wasn't what you would want-"

He looked up and the look he gave me made my pulse go up. "Are you f*****g kidding me right now, Kyla? Because you should be. Is that all you expect from me? From our relationship?" He let out a bitter laugh. "Besides being your boyfriend, I'm your f*****g best friend too. I never thought you would keep something like this from me. I thought you trusted me and had faith in me more than anyone else in the world."

"I do!" I almost cried out, as hot tears started rolling down my cheeks. "It's just that I-"

"I had the right to know as the baby's father," he whispered and the pain in his voice stabbed my heart with a piercing pain. "But now, its gone.."

I bit my lip so hard I could taste blood. Everything was silent for a moment.

"River," I croaked out. "I'm so sorry. I really am."

He shook his head without looking up to me. "I can't do this."

He levelled his gaze with mine. "It's over. We're over."

My heart stopped.

"W- What?" I choked out, not believing the words I had just heard.

I looked at him with pleading eyes, begging him to say that he didn't say what he just had. But the eyes that were locked with mine showed no signs of sympathy. Instead it glowered with rage and contempt.

"Stay the f**k away from me from now, Kyla," he spat, his face twisting into an ugly contour of hate and despisal. "I never want to see your face ever again."

A writhing pain elicited throughout my body as it felt like someone had just ripped my heart out and stabbed it a million times. My entire body felt numb with the pain as I tried to register what River had just said. I couldn't even move or say anything when River walked out the room and slammed the door behind me.

I wanted to run out and call out to him, to beg him to stay. To tell him that I needed him. But I just couldn't. My mind was screaming at me to move my legs but they refused to. Tears clouded my vision and everything was a blurry mosaic. I was shaking; trembling. My tears wouldn't stop.

It was only when I realised that I had lost the people I thought I had a shot at a happily ever after with that my voice got through my throat to let out a strangled cry.

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Quite an emotional chapter I would say, eh? Well please keep supporting me and do follow the story and leave comments! :)