What Love Entails

eight

sous l’ame || eight

♤

I rang the doorbell to River's house and tapped my right foot anxiously. An elderly woman who seemed to be in her late 40's opened the door. "Hello," she smiled. "May I help you?"

"I'm here to meet River," I smiled politely.

"Oh, sure! Come in!"

I walked inside to see that there was quite a gathering in the living room. Two little kids were watching the TV along with an elderly man who I assumed to be the woman's husband and kids. "I'm River's aunt, Rosa, by the way," the woman introduced herself.

"I'm Kyla."

"Well, Kyla. It's nice to meet you. We're staying here for a few days. Are you River's girlfriend, by any chance?"

"No," I quickly denied it. "I'm just a friend of his."

Before Rosa could say anything more, we heard the sound of footsteps down the stairs along with River's voice. "Who was at the door-"

He stopped when he saw me. I gave him an awkward smile as Rosa grinned at him. "Your friend's here."

"Come on up," River nodded at me and climbed up the stairs with me following close behind him.

"The living room is occupied," he spoke as we approached his room. "So we have no choice but to work in my room."

When he opened the door to his room and I stepped inside, an immense feeling of bittersweet nostalgia took over me. My eyes scanned the room, taking in everything. It was exactly how I remembered it to be. How I missed it.

River cleared his throat. "Make yourself comfortable."

I took a seat on the chair beside the window, earning a raised brow from River who was seated on the edge of his bed. "How are we going to do the work with me sitting way here and you sitting way over there?"

"Um," heat rushed to my cheeks.

"Come over here," he patted the spot on his bed parallel to him.

"Alright," I mumbled and sat down where he indicated.

We quickly got to work. When we were almost done with it, there was a knock on the door. "Yeah," River called out.

His aunt peeked in. "We're heading out for a bit. Both of you will be the only ones home so take care, okay?"

"Alright."

————

"Finally, we're done," I declared triumphantly.

"Looks like we did a pretty good job," River grinned.

"Yeap!" I matched his grin.

"You hungry?" He took out some junks from the small cupboard beside his bed. "Because I am."

I nodded eagerly. "I am."

He smirked. "A bit too much I think."

I ignored his remark and grabbed a packet of pretzels. All the while eating I felt like asking River if he was doing okay now. The last time we had met, he wasn't really at his prime after all. Swallowing the chunk of food, I asked cautiously. "Are you okay now?"

His expression showed brief surprise before turning back to normal. "Yeah.." He chuckled. "It was kind of funny how you thought I was talking about Bree though."

A blush rose to my cheeks. "What? Don't you miss Bree too?" I asked without thinking. I bit my tongue. I hadn't intended to say that. I gulped, nervously looking up to River.

His gaze shifted downwards as he stayed silent for a moment. "I don't know."

That took me completely by surprise. The question I had always wanted to ask him was at the tip of my tongue. Softly, I asked him. "Why did you guys break up?"

He lifted his eyes and his intense gaze caught mine. "She broke up with me."

Bree was the one who broke it off? I really hadn't expected that. After all, Bree was completely smitten by River, and everyone could see that.

"Why?" I hated myself for probing on further. I was being so nosy but I couldn't control myself.

River's eyes turned cold and blank. "That's none of your business."

"Right," I nodded though I felt a stinging pain in my heart. "Sorry."

"I guess that's what you thought too when you didn't tell me about the baby," he muttered to himself, almost inaudible. But I heard him and it made every fibre in my body freeze.

"What?" My voice came out like a croak. "What did you just say?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

"I heard it," I could feel a bile of hurt and anger erupting within me. Did he seriously think that way? That I had thought me getting pregnant was none of his business? I know I hadn't told him, but that didn't mean that I thought that way.

He looked away, unable to meet my gaze. I clenched my fists and stood up. "Are you f*****g serious right now?"

Something in him snapped as he got up and narrowed his icy eyes on mine. "Do you have any right to differ? If I'm not mistaken you're the one who thought whatever you wanted to and refused to even let me know about our baby!"

I gritted my teeth as my eyes started welling up with tears. "And what do you think of yourself? Do you think you were such a f*****g saint in that matter? You left me when I needed you the most just like that!"

"Don't blame me for something I didn't cause," he snapped, his eyes flashing with anger and pain. "It was all you."

Tears started rolling down my cheeks like a flowing river as I staggered back on hearing his icy sharp words.

River's eyes turned impeccably soft and flashed with guilt. "Kyla…" he took a step towards me. "I-"

"No," I said firmly and held out my hand, trying to control my tears. My throat burned with the lump of emotions threatening to spill out.

"Maybe you're right," my voice was trembling. "Maybe it was my fault. But I- I was equally as hurt as you, if not more."

The gravity of my words seemed to shake everything. "Do you even know how much I hated myself?" I let out a bitter laugh. "I blamed myself as much as you did. I spent the entire damn time doing that."

"And it hurt. It hurt so f*****g much. It felt like I had lost a part of me leaving this scorching black hole behind. I couldn't live a single day without feeling as though everything was enclosing on me. My entire being felt destroyed."

"When I found out that I was pregnant, I couldn't believe it. I thought about how everything was going to change. I was so f*****g scared, River."

"At first, I didn't want it. I wasn't ready. Not at f*****g all," the rage inside of me simmered down as grief and anguish took over. "But with time, I started to accept it. The realisation that I was going to have a child with the love of my life brought me joy and excitement. It was what we had always wanted for our future after all. But.. But then.."

I was shaking; trembling. Hot tears left my eyes as I let out shaky breaths. "I lost two people I believed I would've had a happily ever after with, all at once."

River remained silent, his eyes downcast. At long last, he looked up to face me. "You're right," he whispered. "I'm sorry."

He reached out to me but I quickly turned away as the tears kept spilling down my face. His hands snaked around my waist as he pulled me into his arms. I tried shaking him off whilst fighting my tears, but he wouldn't budge.

His arms around me tightened. "I'm so sorry, Kyla," I could hear the pain in his voice. "I really am."

I stopped fighting and buried my face in his chest. I sobbed hard as I clung to him like my life depended on it. He stroked my hair comfortingly and I knew that he was trying his best to stay strong for me and for himself- for us.

None of us said a thing. Everything was silent and the only sound that surrounded us was the muffled cries of my sobbing. River kept whispering "I'm so sorry." softly time after time. We stayed that way for what felt like a millennium. Over time my sobs got quieter and smaller, my eyelids drooped and my body felt like it had been sucked out of energy. River's arms around me tightened and I slowly succumbed to sleep.

When I came to, I was laying on River's bed with a blanket draped over me. I shifted, catching the attention of River who was seated on the far edge of the bed. He got up and scooted beside me. "How are you now?" He seemed genuinely concerned.

"I'm fine," I cleared my throat before meeting his eyes.

He ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled deeply. "We need to talk."

I nodded weakly and whispered, "Yeah, we do."

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What do you think of this chapter? Next chapter comes the “talk” so follow and stay tuned!