Leapt Through Time to Save You

Chapter 9 - A Miserable Father

My son, Kersh, seems to have similar faith like me, "like father, like son?" Is that so? Since when I became like this? I'm so miserable. When did this all started? During my mother's death? When I met Norma? Or even before?

I always have a gloomy life. People always misinterpret me for who I am. On my first year of teaching, I was already branded as a Playboy. I was 24 at that time. I have a good looking face with a masculine beard which so many men desires to have. I also can play guitar, and I am a good singer. I often dreamed to become a rock star but it never happen.

I was born on August 28, 1958. My father actually wanted to named me as Carlos but my mother disagree, because there's a lot of Filipino kid who had Carlos in their name, which is why they gave me Fifipo as a nickname, short for Filipino First Policy. I was born that day when the implementation of Filipino First Policy occurred.

I was never an outdoor child, I was always inside the apartment. I was so small and weak in which why the other kids, bullied me. When I was in high school, I gained some popularity when Roberto Del Rosario invented a sing-along system which is now known as karaoke. It was controversial because the family of Del Rosario seek justice for their father. They still fought to become the patent holder of it. Based on what I heard from a friend in the Law Field, the family Del Rosario are winning.

As I said, I gained popularity because of the sing-along system. I am a good singer, and when a singing contest was announced in our school, I joined. It was for the winning money. I hope to win so that I could bought a gift for my mother. Her birthday was in a month from that day. It was 2 months when the sing-along system was developed. The mayor of our city was able to buy a system, then he announced to every school that he will conduct a singing contest.

I was the only one who joined in my school for the male division, which is why I was automatically became the Representative. Luckily the female representative was a niece of the mayor so the semifinals and finals was program in our school.

I remember when I sang Yesterday. It felt so good, the sky is clear, the wind was so fresh, and the crowd were just preparing to sit. I was the first one to sing. I can see them at the corner of the stage as I wait. I can see my mother, "Just wait, Mama, this song is for you," I was actually a fan of Beatles though some Filipino of that years hate them, they think that they are nothing but egoistic boy band. I remember the time when I waited for the Beatles to arrive but some Filipino protested and didn't let them out of the airport, they just went back. What was year is that? I'm certain that it was during Marcos Era.

Back to my story of a high school contestant, when people heard me sang on the semi-finals, the whole school shouted and clapped for me. My mother was also in the audience. It was the most memorable moment of my life.

But the bitterness of life started when I graduated on high school. I wasn't able to study for college. My family was poor and then my father died. I was forced to work. I work as a construction worker and a waiter. I have two job for our daily expenses, and for my family's debt.

I thought it only happened in stories. To have huge debt from someone. My father is a failure businessman. He is not addicted in vice but indeed he is in his business. He always thought that his investment on metal works will make us rich however, the company that my father invested, became a government property. I didn't hate Marcos for that because the business doesn't really do well. I was hoping that my father would open his eyes, but rather he became an activist.

He became obsessed, he never took care of himself then he lose weight. After a month he died. He died before my graduation but actually, I didn't really minded it.

When I was 18, I was able to have a scholarships for my college degree in Manila, which made me decide to leave my family, and I still grab it. I didn't mind stopping a year, it happened to me when I was in elementary, so it doesn't really matter. I took Bachelor of Science in Secondary Education in PNU. I was really thankful for the scholarship so I work out through the years in the campus.

I also started working at the same time. I still work as a waiter at that time. But I didn't know that working as a waiter in Manila is a mistake. One night when I was a junior, a rich woman talked to me, she was 36. She asked me if I was available, I was confused of what she said but then she offered me some money. I ignored her, but when she said that she will offer me a 150 pesos, I accepted it. She's a beautiful woman so I didn't really bothered it. She tip me a 20 pesos when she learned that I am a virgin. From then on, she occasionally visit the resto-bar. It was her way to forget the problem in their house. Her husband was a drunk bastard.

Then later on I was known in the campus as a p********e. I didn't know who spread it, and I was a graduating students with high honors but because of my scandal. The faculty decide to let me graduate but I will not receive any honors. I didn't told this to my mother. I'm glad she wasn't able to come in my graduation. I bought a fake certificate and medal in Recto, to send the certificate and medal to my mother.

After the graduation, I was recognized by my professor, she offered me a scholarships for my master's but little did I know that it was also a mistake. At first, she helped me but later on she would ask something in return. She actually learned that I did p**********n to older women, which is why she offer me a help then cornered me when I needed the money the most.

After that, I learned to use my body. One women from another. After I took my master's in PLM, I applied a position of instructor in UST.

I was a teacher in a private school in Manila. Along España, it is near to the dorm I lived in.

I actually stop being a p********e when I started working in UST, but the rumors are still alive. I didn't accept any more offer since then but after few years, a student who I occasionally saw in the campus, asked me.

I just got a girlfriend at that time, and because of her, she broke up with me. I shouldn't have provoked her. Maybe if I didn't, she would still do something reckless just to have me.

I actually didn't mind it, maybe I'm pleased when I learned it. No one had ever than that to me. But I can't love her, I don't like her. She's young, like a little sister.

I lost my job, and it will take time for me to teach again. Then she offered a 350 pesos for one night. I didn't know that she is from a rich family. I accepted it, at first it was okay, but when she said that she is pregnant. Everything is over.

Obviously, I am the father. I expected that she is obsessed with me but I was too naïve. I did even doubted her when she said, she drinks her pills.

Then we met his family, afterwards we became a family, we lived in Leyte, my province. I was born in Leyte but later on grow in Antipolo. I actually have few concerns but her family helped me. They pay for my mother's hospital bills and other expenses.

I thought that I should try to love Norma, but her family always say things to me. They only did it for their only daughter. His father blamed me for what happened to his daughter. I can't fought back because it is true. Norma became like them, threatening me that if I do something, they will stop paying for my mother.

After that, we started on fighting, every night we fought like a cat and dog. She was afraid if I had another woman. I never cheated on her. But when Norma lied to me, it changes everything. She didn't told me that my mother died. A month has passed when I receive a telephone call from my sister.

I was so mad on Norma, I tried to love her but I guess I can't. That's when I started on cheating on her. But no woman wanted to be with a married man. I can't leave my children grow with Norma. But as I dance on fire, I didn't expect that I'm on the point that my children doesn't want to eat with me in the same table.

I know those eyes of Kersh. It is the same eyes I have to my father. Actually I don't know if he still remembered but my sister told me that Kersh answered her call for few times. He didn't even told me. I guess Norma said something to Kersh. May 26, 1997 when my mother died, and I learned it on June 26.

I was lost in words, I just became I total jerk. After a year of my mother's death, I met a strange men. He actually change my whole life. I guess this is the reason why I still continue to become a playboy.

I being a playboy is just being me. I accepted it and live like this.

Kersh, your life will become miserable if you continue to become like me or like your mother. We are a fool, don't aim to become like us. You can become greater than us but I hope you will find the right path.

You can see how miserable we became. Your mother is a d**g addict and your father is a womanizer. I know about your mother because we share the same room and same bed. I can smell the faint trace of it, and I saw some in her shoe rack.

I don't want to stop her, this is our sin and we decided to continue to live like this. There will be no restart for us. I actually don't want to change myself, I don't want you have an idea that even if you do or act a huge mistake, you can just erase it and replace a new one. If you become like us, you will destroy your life.

There is no redo in life, so you must better to do your best while you can.

"I become so old that I even talk to myself." We always ask ourselves, when things get hard from our life? When did s**t started? What did I do to deserve such a thing? Am I so bad that my life get so worst?

I wanted to say this to Kersh, ever since. I wanted to talk to him, like a father and son, a discussion. But I never had a chance. I think he still has love for me, I saw him once, when he was sleeping. He holds the Bearhuggs I bought for him.

He is so kind, I hope his kindness won't kill him. Don't be like a tree, Kersh. Using your branches and leaves to protect the creatures and human underneath you, and yet those little creatures eats you. The human will cut you for either to use your woods or just because you became annoying to them.

People are like that, cutting some tress because the fruits that fell on the house and create loud noise or if the leaves fell too much and the people become annoyed on your leaves, they will cut you.

That's how human is, they will use you and if you are no longer needed, they will dispose you, like a trash. That's what I experience through my life. Women always used me and discarded me after I become useless to them.

There is no such thing as true love. I hope you won't get blinded by love, Kersh. But I don't know, maybe you are like us. Your name is Curse after all. But I hope that you won't have the same curse we had, and you must have an ordinary life like everyone else.

I will send you a letter but I don't know if you will read it. I hope you do, Kersh.