Dear First Love

23

Dear First Love,

I’m sorry that I fell asleep at your house yesterday. I didn’t mean to, but I just felt so safe and warm with you.

And... I’m sorry that I almost whacked you in the face when I woke up. I was just really confused and afraid because I didn’t know where I was. You laughed though, so I think it’s okay. I think I’m like this because I’m scared to lose you.

I feel like I’m not good enough for you sometimes. You’re so skilled and kind and friendly, and I’m just... well, me. A girl who isn’t anything special. A girl who keeps her head down. A girl not worth fighting for. Am I? You say that my self-esteem isn’t very good. What do you mean by that? I notice that you compliment me a lot, even on small things. You told me I looked ‘cute’ with bed-hair even though I know I look like an absolute mess.

I’m not always convinced of your compliments, but they still make me feel better about myself, in a way. Thank you.

Girls at school stopped picking on me since you came into the picture. You made sure to keep your ex-friends away from me - are you protecting me? I appreciate it.

In fact, some of Victoria’s friends who used to glare at me have actually treated me really nicely. They told me that they thought I was some ‘pick-me, man-stealing w***e’ (their words, not mine) for stealing you away from Victoria, but now know that it’s not true.

I think I’m happy. That’s what this warm, nice feeling is. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so comfortable in my own skin.

Thank you for helping me with all of this. Thank you for accepting me even though I’m weird and ugly. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for loving me.

Sincerely,

H.