The Unseen Enemy Series

Chapter 159

He stared at her. “Of course it’s my fault! I knew every part of what was happening was off, but I was so f*****g complacent, I missed it. I missed it all.”

“You made a mistake,” she said.

“A mistake that took a man away from his two-year-old daughter,” he said bitterly. “That’s not a mistake, Jenny. That’s a f*****g tragedy.”

She was quiet for a second. “Do you really think telling him to watch out would have changed the outcome at all?”

“What?”

“Do you think shouting at him to back up would have saved him?”

Chris’ chest tightened. “You’re asking me if he’d have died anyway?”

She nodded. “I don’t know anything about bombs, Chris, but I do know they have blast ranges and radiuses. I’m guessing you were out of range, but would Tiegert have had time to get clear, even if you’d called out?”

He closed his eyes. “Dean says no.”

“He does?”

“Yeah. There was an investigation, of course, and I was cleared of any wrongdoing.”

“But?”

He exhaled. “But. If I’d told him to stay on his toes, he’d never have let her get that close to him in the first place.”

“Maybe not. But maybe then she’d have just hidden inside a doorway, and detonated the bomb as you and Tiegert passed by. Or maybe she’d have sat in a car and blown it up when you got within range. Or maybe she’d have faked some kind of seizure to get you close, and done it then.” She ran her fingers over his chest. “If someone is determined to hurt someone else, they’ll find a way.”

“Yeah.” His voice was soft. “Yeah, I know that, Jenny. But I still feel like I should have been more vigilant.”

“And if you had been, and she hadn’t managed to hurt you or Tiegert, then she’d have found someone else. If it was a well-planned thing with multiple suicide bombers, then I’m sure she had backup plans for her backup plans.”

He gave her a strange look. “That’s what Jim said, almost word-for-word.”

“But you don’t believe him?”

“No. Or… not yet. Maybe with time.”

“Time.” She sighed. “It’s supposed to heal all wounds, right? But it can also be the enemy.”

“What do you mean?”

She shrugged. “If enough time passes, you can get used to things being a certain way, even if they aren’t great. Your life takes on a certain shape, and after a while, you just accept it, you think this is all that there is for you. You stop seeing another way to be. And you become your own worst enemy.”

“Did this happen to you?”

“I think so. I just – I got used to not trusting men, and I worked around it in every way possible. I hire mostly female kitchen staff, so I won’t brush against a man in the lunch-rush. I make sure to work every Friday and Saturday night, so I have an easy excuse for not going on dates if I’m asked. I organize every part of my life to exclude men, avoid men, make my whole life unwelcoming to men. And so I make sure that I never get the chance to meet good men, or change my mind about men. It – it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, really.”

Chris nodded.

“And it sounds like your life has taken the shape of blaming yourself, no matter what anyone else says, or what the investigation showed. You’re used to being the cause of Tiegert’s death and as time passes, instead of getting a new perspective on it, you just accept it more and more. You just… you find ways to live with it.”

Chris felt tears well in his eyes. Horrified, not wanting her to see him weak, he shut them quickly. But she’d seen them in the half-light and her heart tightened at his pain.

Jenny reached for him now, pulling his large body down to her smaller one. For the first time since she’d met Chris, she was able to offer him some comfort, and she was surprised at how good it felt to do that. She stroked his hair gently, and pressed her lips to his forehead.

So this is the other side of all of it, huh? Making the other person feel heard, and understood… and loved.

“It’s OK,” she whispered. “Let me hold you this time, Chris. Just relax on me, just let it all go.”

“Sweetheart,” he said, his throat thick. “You don’t have to…”

“I know.” She held him closer. “I want to.”

Chris shut his eyes tighter and let himself just fall onto Jenny, to sink into her curves and warmth. He held her, his face buried in her throat. He’d never felt so cared-for by a woman, not ever.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, their breaths coming at the same time. When Chris pulled back to look at her, the heat in her gaze was almost physical. He felt it as sure and strong as he felt the heat from a fire.

He cupped her face in his hand and pulled her up to his mouth for a kiss. She offered no resistance, and he groaned when her lips parted, inviting his tongue. Her hands were all over him, running over his chest and back and scars, moving down his body to his c**k. She stroked him through his boxer shorts and smiled when he hardened under her touch.