Angelic Destiny

Familiarity filled the space around me. Being in the presence of so many memories and the comfort of home has become foreign, but I welcome the cool, air-conditioned air that I have been deprived of for the last couple months.              I set down the last of my few bags and allowed myself to crash into the couch that I missed so much. Egypt with my Aunt Macie was amazing, but I didn’t realize how much I missed the comfort of a good couch. I haven’t felt this cozy in a long time. I haven’t even been in this apartment for almost 3 years.              This apartment has always been home base for me and my aunt in between her digs around the world for work. Growing up, I traveled with my aunt to her archeological dig sites. In between my homeschooling lessons, I was learning history first hand with my aunt.  When I was five, I uncovered my first dinosaur bone. Travelling and history were the bread and butter of my childhood.               Whenever we were done at a certain place, we always called this little apartment in Lynchburg, Virginia home. I haven’t been at home base in a very long time though, and I have never been here without my aunt. We left Virginia after I finished high school, home schooled high school. With my new freedom from school, my aunt and I travelled even more and I started an abroad community college program. We both have had no reason to come back. And now that I am 21 and the only one with a reason to return home, I am home alone.              The apartment is unusually quite; it is strange to not hear my aunt’s loud laugh and crazy antics. However, it is nice to just be in a familiar place, that also happens to be comfortable and cool. I love seeing all our memories on display in frames below the TV. There is one of me and my aunt holding a pot found at Pompeii, one of my aunt trying to make a pizza in Italy, and one of me as a baby being held by my aunt and mother.              I sigh as I feel my body relax further into the couch. This is the first time in a long time I have felt this relaxed. I didn’t care about my mess of bags on the ground or the fact that I haven’t washed the airplane smell off me yet. I was content sitting there. I began to let my head slowly drift towards the right until I was horizontal along the couch. My eyes were so heavy. After sleeping in a tent for the past months and surviving a day’s worth of travel back to the states, I was due a really good sleep, even if it was on a couch.               I was jolted back to consciousness by the ring of my cellphone.              “Hello,” I mumbled into the phone.              “Hey honey! Did you make it in ok?” It was the joyful voice of my Aunt Macie. “Did all your bags make it? Did you have a good flight? Are you in the apartment?”             “Wow. Too many questions Macie,” I laughed, now fully awake again from her onslaught of questions. Her excited questions are a testament to Aunt Macie’s personality. She is always the light of the room and a ball of positivity. I loved her so much for that; I especially needed that growing up without parents. Her love and energy made up the total of love two parents would have had.              “Oh sorry! I just want to know how you are doing! The whole team over here misses you already!” I missed her archeological team too. They were my friends as much as they were hers. It is sad knowing I won’t see them for an entire year as I start junior year of my major at Liberty University.              “Aw I miss them too! Let them know I made it over here safe. I survived all the long flights! I’m just a tired now. I need a nap.” I chuckled to myself as I let myself settle back into the comfort of my couch.              “I’m sure you do,” Macie exclaimed, “but don’t fall asleep yet! You need to get unpacked and probably head to the store to stock the fridge.”             “Ugh,” I sighed. The thought of unpacking and just getting up right now seemed like a hassle that wasn’t worth it; I knew she was right though.              “Ugh… whatever,” she mocked me and laughed. “I know you don’t want to do it, but you will feel so much better once it is all done. Also, it is only the afternoon over there.”             “Macie I am still on your time!” I laughed. “It’s late in Egypt right now! This is just cruel.”              She laughed with me over the phone. I may be glad to be home, but hearing her laugh made me miss her more already. Knowing Macie, I knew she was doing her best to not bring any negativity to the phone call by talking about how much I was missed.              “I’ll probably head to the store once I get some things unpacked,” I said, obliging to her request.              “Well, I’ll leave you to it then. I don’t want to keep you too long and have you get nothing accomplished at all.” She laughed but I could hear how much she truly did not want to end the conversation.              “Ok. But remember you can call anytime.”             “Anytime, except class.”             “Yes, anytime except class,” I smiled at her rebuttal, “but even then, I would rather talk to my favorite aunt.” She was my only aunt, but I knew that she loved it when I said that. Even if I did have another aunt, I knew that she would still be my favorite. It is impossible to not love her. There isn’t a bad bone in her body.              “I love you. You better call me too. Keep me updated! Let me know how it goes with Anthony!”              I felt my chest drop a bit at the mention of my boyfriend’s name.             “Yes. Don’t remind me.” I was thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend and Macie was anxious to know what I was going to do.              Anthony was one of the other archeologist’s son. I have known him since we were twelve. We were always around each other playing and running around the dig. As we got older, we learned a lot helping with the digs. He went into studying archeology and I went into ancient history studies. He was my best friend growing up. There was understanding between us since both of us never knew our parents. He was adopted and I was adopted by my aunt. We always stuck around each other that it only seemed right to try and see if there was something more between us. I was beginning to think that there wasn’t.             “Well you do what you think is right. It’s not fair to him if you date him and you don’t feel anything for him,” Macie said.              “I know,” I sighed, “it’s just going to suck. We dated for eight months and I feel like we won’t be friends after this.”             “Well maybe it’s better that you aren’t his friend anymore. You said he was being mean lately and not himself.”             Macie was right. As much as I loved Anthony for being the friend I grew up with, I was feeling us grow apart. It was like one day he left for an afternoon and he came back a different person. He began acting mean and rude. He even abandoned his position on the site two months ago causing him to fail his last requirement for his degree. It wasn’t like him. He was becoming intimidating and forceful with me and I was glad when he left. We barely talked the two months that he was gone.              “I don’t know. He hasn’t even tried to contact me since he’s been gone. I just know what to say to him anymore, let alone break up with him.” I let my head fall back over the back edge of the couch.             “I’m sorry.”             “Thank you. It’s time though. I’ll let you know what happens. I need to just get through it and let the aftermath be what it is.”              “Wish I was there to give you a hug.”             “Same,” I laughed. “Bye for real this time.”             She laughed. “Yes. Bye for real. Love you.”             “Love you too.”                I hung up the phone and looked around the empty space. After talking to Macie, I suddenly felt her absence and the looming break up that hovered in my future.              I felt the weight on my shoulders and decided to distract myself from it with unpacking. Pushing myself off the security of the couch, I headed towards the pile of luggage I left near the front door. I picked up the biggest one, knowing it had most of my clothes and toiletries in it, and turned the corner to head to my bedroom.              I tossed my duffle bag on the bed and began to busy myself with hanging and folding clothes. On my way back to the closet, I stopped in front of my body mirror on the back of my bedroom door. I noticed I had dirt on the back of my pants from the dig site that I didn’t notice and it made me smile. It was impossible to stay clean for more than half an hour over there.              I emptied the rest of that bag and headed to my bathroom with the rest of my toiletries to take a shower.              There was nothing like home when it came to a nice shower. The showers at dig sites were always a bit stodgy and small. And I enjoyed not having to wear shower shoes.              I let the warm water run through my hair to rinse out any possible remnants of dirt that might be anywhere on my body.              I finally felt squeaky clean, especially knowing that it was going to last. I rubbed the humidity off the mirror and really looked at myself. It was nice to be home, but looking in the mirror I looked out of place in my surroundings.              I was apparently tan from my excessive sun exposure. I always had a warm skin tone, unlike Macie, but it was darker now and bringing out my Middle Eastern heritage. My mom’s side is French and German, so my skin’s hue was a trait from my father. Macie never met my dad, but we guessed that he was possibly part Middle Eastern.              As I inspected closer, I noticed some freckles forming on my nose. My hair was the only thing that didn’t show that amount of time I spent in the sun. My dark brown hair was almost black and was immune to the sun because of its dark color. It fell a couple inches below my chin since I always kept it short to keep my neck cool. Maybe now that I am home I could grow it out; my hair may be easier to deal with longer since it can get kind of curly. I could already see the waves forming since I stepped out of the shower.              I dropped my towel to inspect a little sun burn I got on the back of my thighs. The burn looked like it was almost done healing, but I slathered some aloe vera on it just to be safe. I always felt very aware of my body and practically knew I was sick before I ever showed a symptom. I am very proud of my body and tried not to concern myself with my shape. I was healthy and that’s all I cared about. I didn’t bother inspecting my image further because I knew there was nothing to worry over in my reflection. I did not want to give myself anything to obsess about. I had decent features and a healthy body; I did not need to concern myself with my looks as long as I felt good.              Macie always told me how much I should love what God created, including myself, when I grew up. Of course, this is not always easy, but when I was busy digging up stuff and learning languages and history, my looks was never something I found to be at the forefront of my attention. Anthony changed that.              Originally, Anthony didn’t seem to have any negative opinions towards my appearance. But a couple months into dating, when he started acting different, he changed and became more critical of my body. I hate to admit it, but I was a bit grateful when he bailed on the entire dig site. I began to gain my confidence back since I didn’t have him commenting on my size and crazy curls or that fact that I didn’t dress girly enough for him.              This was just proof that I really did need to end things with him. I shouldn’t be grateful to not have my boyfriend around. Honestly, I am hoping that, eventually, we can resume being friends after this. I miss how he used to be and how we used to be together.              I don’t think we ever should have dated. Yes, he is attractive, but I truly think we began dating out of convenience. We grew up together, the only other teenagers we knew in foreign countries, and both without any dating experience. I never felt like I had a crush on him or anything; he was my friend and we gave it a shot.             Anthony always seemed to feel the same way. We kissed and stuff, but that was it. There wasn’t some sexy passion drawing us together. By the end, he was pushy for more, but he left before I ever confronted him about it. All I know is that I am glad I never allowed him to pressure me into anything. I may have friends who make fun of me for being inexperienced, but that is the better alternative in my opinion.              I slid my towel back into place and rummaged for a t-shirt and sweat pants to provide comfort when I continued to unpack. I pause as I hear a loud knock from my front door. It was loud enough to make me freeze and not advance toward the door. It came again, more forceful. I hurriedly threw on my underwear and the first  t-shirt and pair of sweats I found in the remainder of unpacked belongings in my bag.              The knock remained consistent as I threw on clothes.                       “I’m coming,” I yelled as I threw up my short hair in a low pony while heading towards my front door.              I was annoyed at how much this person was knocking. I was also a bit worried about the harshness of these knocks, as if the person on the other side might warrant hesitation when opening the door.              I reached the door and quietly approached the peep hole.              I let out a silent sigh of relief when I realized it was Anthony. It isn’t some crazy person banging on my door. I was also a little taken aback since I was not expecting to see him.             Opening the door, my heart dropped. I knew this is when I was going to need to break up with him. I needed to rip of the band aid and not let this drag on anymore. This homecoming was going to be a fresh start. I was not going to continue worrying about this relationship as I resettle.              “Hey Anthony!” I said as I opened the door. I was going to hug him, but I paused. He looked peeved.               “I was knocking for a solid five minutes.”             “Sorry, I was just getting out of a shower. I just got home from Egypt today.” I was put off with his already shitty attitude. I haven’t talked to or seen him in months and yet, it looks like we are picking up where we left off.              He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. We need to talk.”             “Ok. No, ‘hi’ or ‘I missed you’?” I was pretty irritated. I was so tired of his attitude. This was exactly what he was like before he left. I thought the months apart was going to give him space to cool off and ground himself, but, obviously, that was not the case.              “Hi,” was his only reply to that. “I think we should break up,” he said blankly.             I was taken aback. That seemed so abrupt, I barely registered that he beat me to the punch.             “You don’t value me as a boyfriend. You are a terrible girlfriend and you don’t realize just how fortunate you are to have me. I am done with you as a dead weight,” he said matter of fact.             I was completely dumbfounded. Why was he saying this? “What? Excuse me?” I stuttered. “How am I the terrible person in this scenario? You left Egypt. You never said goodbye. I was always there for you. We are friends.”              “Ha. I don’t have to explain myself to you.”             “Anthony, I don’t understand why you are so different. Are you okay?” I reached out for his arm, but he brushed me off.             “You are just not giving me what I deserve. I am tired of having you around.”             “That’s fine Anthony. I didn’t think we were working as a couple anyway. Let’s just go back to being friends. Please just come in and tell me what is going on.” I opened the door to usher him inside.              “You think I want to be friends?” he scoffed. “You weren’t even smart enough to want me.” He stepped close to me. I refused to step back. I didn’t want him to know that he was making me uncomfortable. His behavior was strange and I couldn’t read him. This entire conversion had me baffled. Why was he being so cold? This all felt uncalled for but it matched his previous attitude when I last saw him in Egypt. He was rude and cold; he was pulling away. However, in this moment as he looked down at me from his nose, I did not recognize my old friend. I was suddenly scared of him.              I abruptly remembered the night in Egypt before he left. It was at this moment that I knew something in Anthony changed. It was the night when he woke me up in my tent and I found him on top of me. He was attempting to unbutton my shirt. I brushed his hands away, but he then held my hands down above my head and I could feel how hard he was between my legs. I was terrified and utterly shocked. Despite his growing cruel behavior, I never thought he would push me like this. All the time we have known each other, he knew I didn’t want to cross that line. He was pressuring me more, but this was something I never thought him capable of.               I remembered his eyes and how unhuman they looked. I looked up at him in shock. He didn’t look like the Anthony I knew. He looked like some monster, something foreign. After meeting my eyes, his eyes softened and he let go and left. In the morning I found out he left Egypt. I haven’t heard anything from him until now.              I was now looking into those same dead eyes that were not my friends eyes. His brown eyes were black and soulless.              “You are dumb for now wanting me. I could find any girl that would be willing to take your place. And I have had no trouble finding girls that wanted to sleep with me,” he said with a smug grin.                 His words cut me, thinking of that last night together and knowing that he had been with other girls while we were technically still together. I wasn’t totally shocked, this now didn’t seem like something he wouldn’t do and he was very attractive, despite how scary he was now. He had long blonde hair that curled over his ears and he was tall and fit, but he was a bit pale despite his time in the sun. Nevertheless, he was attractive and I knew that he would have no trouble seeking female attention.              “And,” he took another step towards me, “these girls are worth much more of my time. They aren’t fat or manly like you. You never listened to what I wanted my girlfriend to look like. Look how awful you look right now,” he said gesturing to my sweats and t-shirt. “I deserve someone who would at least put on a bra to answer the door.”             I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away as I started to crumble under his scrutiny. I could also start to feel warmth growing in my eyes. I refused to let them form into tears.              “Did I hurt your feelings?” he mocked. He stepped towards me again. This time backing me up against the wall. “Are you going to cry?” he laughed as he placed his arm next to me, caging me in.              I didn’t answer him. I was at a loss of words. This was my first day home and I was beginning to question why I was so happy to be back. This was too shocking for me. Confrontation was something I was not used to, especially when it was coming from someone I cared about. But I was beginning to sense that the person I cared about was no longer standing in front of me. A stranger was at my door.             He slowly bent his head down next to my ear.  “You are selfish and a complete waste of my time,” he whispered.              I was frozen in fear. There was nowhere for me to go. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a man making his way down the hallway and pause when he saw Anthony and me.             Anthony came back up and looked me in the eyes to put the final touches on my open wound. “You are worthless.”              He noticed movement from the man who began to walk down the hallway again and pushed himself up and away from me. He still had an evil smile on his face as he left me.              He quickly passed the stranger in the hallway and disappeared behind the elevator doors.              I saw the man making his way in my direction and I hurriedly made my way back into my apartment and shut the door and locked it. I did not want to see anyone. I don’t think I would even be able to talk. My mind was numb. I just needed to return to my safe haven- my home.              I ran to my room and threw myself onto my bed. I didn’t even care that there were still was a pile clothes on it. I latched onto some of pillows and closed my eyes as I felt the tears start to form and begin to force their way out.              I didn’t even know what to think or feel. Was I scared? Was I shocked? Was I happy that I was okay? I had so much hitting me all at once. All I knew for sure was that Anthony was now a stranger to me and someone to fear. My friend was gone.              I cried the rest of the evening over my new wounds and mourned the loss of the friend I once knew.