Falling for My Neighbor

Being away from Noah made my stomach turn in knots and my head felt fuzzy. I was a sobbing mess, I just craved him. I craved him in a way where I just wanted him to come home and hug me, I so desperately needed him for no particular reason, and it killed me. He’d call and text, and FaceTime when he could, but it felt like he was never going to come back home. I wasn’t ever sure if this was something I could ever get used to, this feeling while he was deployed. I tried to keep myself busy, watching movies, cleaning the house, reorganizing the house, but I could never be too far from my phone. But when I hadn’t heard from him in two days I made the difficult decision to go to the store for nothing in particular, anything to help ease my nerves. I picked up multiple bottles of wine and junk food, I held things in my hand and noticed I stared blanklessly at them for minutes at a time. When I blinked myself out of the daze I decided it was time to head back home even though there was no promise of hearing from Noah.  When I got home I unpacked my bags of junk food and popped the bottles of wine in the fridge when the ringing of my phone suddenly filled me with dread. I sprinted across the room to the kitchen table where my purse sat perched up, I dug through it madly when I finally found it I answered. “Hey Kitten,” His dreamy voice dragged on, I closed my eyes with relief. “Hey Bear,” I smiled, feeling complete at last. “I don’t have long, I just wanted to let you know that I got in safe. Service sucks so I’ll be touch and go for awhile, how are you getting on?” “Getting on…” I responded flatly, I could hear him sigh into the phone and it my heart sad and comforted at the same time, to know he was missing me too. “Just so you know, I left a key with Caleb, I told him to check up on you and the house while I’m gone.” Noah’s voice dipped slightly and cut off, like the words were hard for him to get out. “Oh?” I swallowed hard. “Mhmm, anything you need while I’m away, he can take care of…” He paused for a moment and cleared his throat. “The car, the house, yard work- those sort of things.” I nodded in understanding, I wanted to tell him how much I loved him but I didn’t want to need him, I didn’t want to be one of those sad girlfriends. Even if I was suffering and freaking out, I couldn’t put it on him and let him know. “Cool, well I was just about to pop in some dinner and a movie, so I’ll let you go…” My words trailed off into the phone and he remained silent. “Okay,” Noah’s voice was sad and it tugged at my heartstrings, but I continued forcing the feelings down, even as the annoying lump in my throat formed. “Kitten, are you still there?” Whenever he mouthed the word kitten, it brought me to my knees in desperation. It f*****g turned me on, “Yes?” Was all I could get out right now. “I love you.” Three simple words Bear whispered to me and it caught me by the throat entirely. “I love you too,” My throat croaked back, and then the phone went silent and I set it down. f**k, this wasn’t going to get easier. My heavy breaths escaped my lungs until I eventually gave in to the emotional breakdown that surfaced angrily. If there was one thing I could change about Noah at all, it wouldn’t be his need to leave dirty dishes in the sink, his forgetfulness, or even his corny jokes. It would be his stupid f*****g incessant desire to join the military, that’s the only thing I f*****g hated it, two years we’ve been together and it had been early on in the game when he signed up to enlist. I thought he would grow tired of it and get a way out, but I was wrong, so f*****g wrong. It took all of my strength to gather, and pick myself up to carry on, the soft knock on the door forced me to pull it together even faster. “Just a minute!” I called out as I dashed to the kitchen sink to splash some water on my face, it dawned on me then that I probably looked as bad as I felt. Unwashed hair, no makeup, I barely had on decent clothes and that was only because I had made a visit to the store. I patted my face dry and made my way to the door, I opened it slowly and Caleb stood before me leaning on the doorframe. His tall frame nearly took up the whole doorway, Caleb has been Noah’s longtime friend, they grew up together when they were kids and had been as thick as thieves. Anyone who has ever seen them together know they are two parts of a puzzle, they truly completed each other and whenever they were together it was a truly remarkable sight. They’re like brothers, these two. “Vivy,” Caleb’s thick voice was sweet and dark, like a warm vanilla candle, it always brought forth the feeling of relaxation and comfort to my ears. “I’m just about to put on dinner.” I took a step back and held the door open for him, he took a large step forward. His body cleared the empty space and his arms jutted forward to wrap me into a hug, I stood on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around him, he lifted me gently and then set me down on my feet carefully. He planted a soft kiss on my cheek after squeezing me firmly against his chest, we pulled apart and I headed towards the kitchen where I pre-heated the oven. “How have you been?” He asked as he closed the door behind him and made his way to the small kitchen table, plopping down into the chair. I shrugged back at him, “I’m okay.” I tried to sound hopeful, an attempt to mask my hurt feelings as I pulled down a few utensils to begin cooking with. Caleb opened the fridge and popped open a beer taking a hardy swig before turning back to me, “It’s normal to not be…” His voice was serious and heartfelt, I tried to not dwell on the tone of his voice otherwise I would surely lose it. I opened the fridge and grabbed some vegetables and started chopping, busy hands kept the mind focused. “Not be what?” “Okay, it’s stressful-“ His hand rested on top of mine stopping me from cutting, I froze instantly at his touch. Caleb’s hands resting on mine did something strange, to my body and my heart, I felt the sudden urge to swallow hard and I noticed my breathing sped up. My head c****d to the side and was met face to face to Caleb’s, he was attractive in a pretty boy way. The kind of man that’s perfect outside and in, but also the one’s that seem to have a wandering eye and hard to keep in a relationship. “To be away from your boyfriend… He’s supposed to be gone for what, a year?” Caleb’s voice was even deeper and thicker than I had remembered, I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down from whatever this was. He took the knife from me and began chopping slowly, I took a step back and shook my head as he stood in my spot. “A year and a half, I think.” I said quietly as I returned to prepare the rest of our dinner. “Exactly, so it’s okay to be-on the fritz.” He said as he chopped quicker, I popped the meat in a dish and focused on keeping my hands busy. “I suppose, but I guess I’ll get used to being alone… Eventually.” We both grew quiet for a moment until he cleared his throat, “But you aren’t really alone, I mean I’m here for you too.” He said huskily, he scooped the chopped vegetables into the pan, I covered it with foil and he popped it in the oven.  I washed my hands and then turned around to face him quickly. “Thanks, I know Noah appreciates you keeping an eye out for me.” I grabbed the bottle of wine, popped it open and poured myself a glass, I could hear Caleb’s chair adjust against the tiled floor as he sat down at the table. “I’m sure he’d do the same if it were me, what are friends for?” I nodded along as he talked, I drank the wine quickly finishing it and poured myself another glass. I turned to lean against the counter as he watched me contently, he wore a soft smile as he fidgeted with the beer in his hand. He took small, steady sips in particular hurry. I was nervous in between the time we started the food and ate, there wasn’t anything that I wanted to talk about, and I wanted to avoid the intense feelings he gave me earlier. “So what’s new with you?” I offered small talk, he pursed his lips together with a small shrug of his shoulders. “It’s been slow at work, so I’ve been cut loose early on most days. Trying to keep myself busy at home since Noah’s not around, it’s like I don’t have any entertainment.” His smile grew when he mentioned Noah’s name, and I couldn’t hold back a smile either, I giggled at the thought of them two sitting around here creating mischief. They truly were like little kids together, drinking beer and playing video games or wandering down to the park for softball and football. “I think you’ll both be fine, so long as you don’t try to play baseball in the front yard again.” He chuckled at the thought. “I fixed your window, Noah was cool about it, why can’t you be?” I laughed and rolled my eyes at him as I took a sip. “Because he can’t stay mad at you… For some reason you have a strong hold on his heart, I’ll never understand it.” My smile slowly faded and I found myself stuck in an endless thought of Noah, Caleb cleared his throat loudly, bringing me out of that dreadful place. “Some things just can’t be forgiven though…” He said quietly, almost to himself.