His Playtoy

ii - late night talks

"the reason why i keep my feelings to myself is because i can't explain them"

**

“Hi I am Safiya Roosevelt. I have an interview here at 4 PM?” I said to the secretary at the front desk, almost losing all my confidence. She looked up at me and I noticed the tired smile she tried to hide, along with the bags under her eyes. Would it be that bad to work here?

“Ah yes, Safiya. Matthew Frazier is ready to see you now. Go to the elevator and press 10, go left and the office should be right down the hall.” She pointed to the right of her and started to type yet again on her computer.

“Alright, thank you!” I chimed and went towards the elevator when I heard her say “Good luck!” almost as if it would be an impossible mission.

I pressed 10 in the elevator as she had said, maybe I should have asked what her name was.. Well I could that on the way out.

'Ding'. I stepped out of the elevator and looked around. Was it left? Or right? Since left would lead me into a wall, I decided to go right. I was 15 minutes before the schedule, so I had the time to get lost.

“How long is this hall?” I groaned to herself out loud.

“Who are you talking to?” The question came from behind me, making me jump up in the air and turning around to look at the person who scared me.

“Myself. It is my only chance to talk with someone smart.” I retorted, eyeing the girl up and down. She had on a black dress with small pink flowers splattered around. She had the most beautiful blue eyes which could tell secrets, if they needed too. I suddenly felt self-conscious about my own appearance.

“You've got an attitude, I like it. But watch out for Matthew, he is not the biggest fan.” she giggled with a big smile, making her blue eyes light up. “I am Ida, Jackson's assistant.” She put her hand out to shake mine, but I hesitated. I am not the biggest fan on being touched, something to do with my past, but after a few seconds of thinking I shook her hand.

“Hi, I am Safiya. How did you know that I am going to talk with Mr. Frazier?” I raised my eyebrow at her, as she yet again giggled.

“It is the only reason why people come up here. They usually try to avoid him.” she explained to me. I let out a heavy sigh, the secretary's words came up in my head and I feared the interview even more.

“Way to get my confidence up,” I mumbled to myself and looked around. The white walls suddenly felt as though they were closing in around me, I couldn't breath. I was hyperventilating, and I knew straight away that I was having a panic-attack. It had been years since I had one the last time, and I really hadn't expected to get one now.

“s**t Safiya, I didn't mean to scare you. Let me grab Jackson, he will know what to do.” she rambled and ran down the hall. At this time I had slid down the wall, putting my legs up to my chest with my arms around them and my head leaning on my knees. Tears were welling up in my eyes, and I still had trouble breathing. It felt like a rope had been tied around my lungs.

“Safiya, I am Jackson. Can you breath with me? Inhale 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Exhale 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.” We kept this up for a few minutes until I felt like I could breath again. But now I just felt too embarrassed to look up, so I kept my head down between my legs.

“Can you look at us?” I shook my head and hugged my legs tighter, suddenly thinking about the fact that I was wearing skirt, when I realized that it was long enough so I wasn't showing of my privates. “There's nothing to be embarrassed about, we aren't here to judge you.” Jackson's voice was filled with genuine remorse and I felt worse, I hadn't had a lot of people caring about me before.

“Thank you Jack, I can take it from here. Maybe she is more comfortable with me.” I gave her right by nodding a little, and waited to hear his footsteps getting quieter before I looked up at Ida.

I gave her a small smile with a little 'thank you', before I dried my eyes. I looked at my fingers and saw them completely black. I groaned quietly and tried to stand up, swaying a bit as I supported me to the wall.

“I am late to my interview and I look like a raccoon,” I muttered to myself. Ida laughed quietly besides me, trying to hide it.

“You look beautiful. I will tell Jack to tell Matthew that you will be a little late. Go get yourself cleaned up.” She helped support me so I wouldn't fall down, and followed me to the bathroom before she went to talk to Jackson.

I couldn't help laughing when I saw myself in the mirror. I now understood why Ida was laughing, I looked terrible. Soaking a paper towel with water, I quickly washed the mascara away and made sure my hair didn't look to awful and made my way towards Mr. Fraziers office. Jackson came out from there right as I came down the hall, so this time I didn't have any trouble with finding.

“Good to finally see your pretty face. Good luck.” Jackson said with a smile coming up on his face. I could feel my cheeks turning red and I looked down on the floor in embarrassment, making Jackson laugh.

I knocked on Mr. Fraziers door and opened the door when he yelled for me to come in.

“Hi Mr. Frazier.” I greeted with an all but fake smile. I felt the nervous pit in my stomach and it haunted me.

“Ms. Roosevelt, welcome. I heard you had a bad encounter with Ida. Are you okay now?” He asked making me look everywhere else but at him. I could feel his eyes study me, and it made me even more nervous.

“It wasn't a bad encounter, it just came out of the blue. Thank you for asking.” I responded politely, this time making eye contact with him.

“Good. Do you have your resume with you?” He sounded bored almost as if he already knew he wouldn't hire me.

“Yes, I have it right here.” I fished it up from my black bag that I carried with me everywhere. It was my lucky charm.

“Fantastic.” He quickly went through it, in my opinion a little too quickly. No one could read that fast.

“So you are 20, you have had one real job as an editor for a news paper, you have graduated college after you skipped a class in high school.” He read from my resume. I was fiddling with my hands, the nervousness was taking over my body.

“That is correct, yes.” I nodded, feeling a little proud over the fact that I could skip a grade in high school.

“So tell me, why should I hire you?” He put my resume on the table, where he also rested his elbows and put his hands together.

“Well, uh. I am a quick learner, always happy and smiling. I like to learn new things, and always up for a challenge. I take the sour with the sweet, and can tackle whatever problem you may throw at me.” I answered after thinking about it. I have always been so bad at that question, instantly forgetting everything I am good at.

“My problem is your age, and the fact that you have no experience as an assistant. I need someone more mature, that has worked in this field before and can be trusted. I just do not think that you fit most of that.” He explained and sat back in his chair, yet again studying me but this time it was my reaction he studied.

“Are you actually serious? I skipped a grade in high school, and graduated top of my class in college. I am more mature than most before 25 years old. No I don't have experience, and I will never have it if people won't hire me. And I can't be trusted? You do not know me. I can keep secrets as if my life depended on it.” I raised my voice at him, getting quite irritated by these accusations he threw at me.

“You will not raise your voice at me, Ms. Roosevelt.” His voice had gotten lower with a darker tone to it. He stood up and made his way towards me. “You will treat me with respect. Do you get that?” I nodded with pure fear of him, I could tell he knew as I saw the look in his eyes softening. He reached out towards my face, making me flinch and turn my head to the side with closed eyes. I waited for the hit but when it didn't come I look at him. This time he had sorrow in his eyes and opened his mouth to say something, but I grabbed my bag and ran out after quickly saying goodbye. I hurried past Ida and didn't react to her calling my name, I just had to get out of this firm. I didn't feel like I had the time to wait for the elevator, so I ran down the stairs and past the secretary out to the pavement.

I stopped to catch a breath and looked back towards the firm. It didn't look like anyone had followed me, and I felt just fine with that. Now I just had to get home.

**

“I totally ruined it Kate. He doesn't want to hire me because I am too 'young'.” I ranted into my phone. I had taken a long, hot shower and changed into my sleeping outfit before I threw myself in my bed with a tub of ice cream.

“Aw Saffi, I am sure he will call you and tell you that you can have the job anyway. No one can resist your charm, and you know it.” she cheered and I could see the wink that I knew she was doing.

“I am not so..-” Before I had the chance to fulfill my sentence, my doorbell went off. Who would have the common sense to ring my doorbell now? I looked over at my clock and saw that it was only 10 PM. What normal person would be hanging out in front of my door right now? I groaned as I stood up, not wanting to get up from my warm embrace of my bed.

“Who is visiting you now?” Kate asked me with the same questioning voice as I had myself.

“I am not sure. Hang on while I answer, will you?” I asked with the fear that it was someone from my past, and since she agreed I am sure she thought exactly the same thing.

I unlocked the three locks I have – just in case you know – but let the hasp be on, so I only could open the door a tiny bit.

“Hello?” I looked out and didn't exactly like what met my eyes. It was the same brown eyes who I had seen earlier today.

“Hello Safiya.” Matthew greeted with a small smile. I raised my eyebrow at him, and looked down at my phone as I could hear Kate yelling 'who is it?'

“What are you doing here?” I asked with worry in my voice. I hadn't exactly expected to see him again after earlier today.

“Can you let me in so we can talk?” He asked with the same little worry in his voice, and I knew straight away what he wanted to talk with me about.

“Okay.” I closed the door to unlock the hasp before I opened the door up for him again. He bowed a little and stepped into my apartment. He was sweet enough to take his shoes of before stepping all the way in, Kate would always leave her on because she is an i***t.

I took my phone up to my ear, to hear Kate rambling about me never letting her in on the interesting things that is happening.

“Kate, can you shut up for just five seconds?” I muttered quietly, trying to make sure that Matthew couldn't hear me but by the way his face scrunched up, I knew that he heard me.

“No.” She replied straight out. I rolled my eyes at her, knowing she could imagine them.

“I will call you tomorrow. Take it as a punishment for being an idiot.” I hung up before she had the chance to answer me, and put the phone in my pocket. In my small shorts. s**t. I blushed knowing that he could see more than I intended to show, but he didn't seem to mind it.

“Can we talk about earlier today?” Matthew requested as I went over to get a glass of water.

“No thank you.” I gave as a short answer.

“Why did you flinch?” He really couldn't take no for an answer, could he.

“I don't feel like telling a stranger about me.” I turned around to look at him while I leaned up against my counter.

“Are you being abused?” he asked with the worry coating his voice, and I saw a small spark of sadness in his eyes.

“I am living alone, who should abuse me?” I fired back at him instead of answering the question with a real answer.

“A boyfriend, a parent?” He stepped closer to me and I tried to walk further back, but the stupid counter was in my way.

“I am single as a pringle, and my parents aren't here anymore.” I answered, trying to hide the emotion in my voice.

“I am sorry to hear that. About your parents, I mean.” He gave me a sad smile and stepped closer to me yet again. I hadn't intended for it to sound like they were dead, but I didn't care to say otherwise.

I gave a small shrug, “It is late. Shouldn't you get going?” I didn't feel comfortable with him coming even closer, so I stepped to the side and went towards the door.

“Okay then. Thanks for the talk.” He replied without actually meaning it. And as he stopped out of my door after putting his shoes on, he turned around and looked at me,

“You are hired.”