My tortured Luna

Chapter 11

Sages POV

The knock on my door came shortly after lunch. I looked up from the window just as Valeria opened the door.

"You have a visitor." She stepped aside, allowing Amelia to step into the room with the same worn leather satchel hanging over one shoulder. The healer offered me a warm smile before quietly closing the door behind her.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you." She walked over to the small table before placing the satchel beside it. I slowly shook my head.

"No." Amelia sat down opposite me, unfolding a few papers from her folder before looking back up.

"I've received the results from your blood work." My stomach tightened.

"...Is something wrong?" I rubbed my palms against my leggings without thinking.

"Actually..." A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

"...everything looks normal." She sounded almost disappointed by her own answer. I frowned.

"My blood?" Nothing about this felt normal.

"Normal." Amelia nodded once before glancing down at the papers again.

"My heart?" My fingers instinctively drifted towards my chest.

"Strong."

"My lungs?" I searched her face, hoping she'd missed something.

"Healthy."

"My temperature?" My voice had become little more than a whisper.

"Exactly where it should be." Silence settled between us. My head still hurt. I still felt sick. None of it made any sense.

"But..." I looked down at my hands. "...my headaches haven't stopped."

"I know." Amelia's smile faded.

"I had another nosebleed yesterday." My fingertips brushed unconsciously across my upper lip.

"I know."

"I still feel sick whenever I eat." I hated admitting it out loud.

"I know." She closed the folder with a quiet sigh before resting both hands on top of it.

"I've checked everything I can think of." Frustration flickered across her face.

"There's no infection. No inflammation. No deficiencies. Medically speaking..." She hesitated for the briefest moment.

"...I can't explain your symptoms." The words made my stomach sink.

"So..." I searched her face one last time. "...I'm not sick?"

"I don't believe you are."

"Then why am I getting worse?" I wasn't scared anymore. I was confused. Amelia didn't answer straight away.

Instead, she opened the folder once more before sliding one of the pages towards herself.

"There is one thing that concerns me." Her finger rested against a single line of writing. I waited.

"You've lost another kilogram." The words stole the air from my lungs.

"...Another?" My eyes instinctively travelled down my own body. Amelia nodded slowly.

"You're now eleven kilograms lighter than when you arrived." I frowned.

"I've been eating."

"I know." There wasn't a hint of accusation in her voice.

"I really have." I looked towards Valeria as though she could somehow confirm it.

"I know." Amelia smiled gently. "Valeria told me you've been trying."

"I don't understand." I wrapped my arms around myself without realising it. "I don't feel hungry... but I force myself anyway."

"I believe you." Amelia's expression softened.

"This isn't because you're refusing to eat." I looked down at my lap.

"I don't want to become weak."

"I know."

"I need to train."

"I know."

"If someone attacks me..." My voice cracked before I could stop it. "...I need to be able to fight." The room fell silent. Neither Amelia nor Valeria tried to tell me nobody was going to attack me. Because they both knew... That wasn't a promise anyone could make.

"I'd like you to stop training for a few days." Amelia finally said. I immediately shook my head.

"I can't."

"You need to let your body recover."

"I can't." I looked away.

"If I stop... I'll lose even more." Amelia studied me for several long seconds before giving the smallest nod.

"I won't force you." Relief washed over me.

"But promise me something." She waited until I looked back at her.

"What?"

"If you become dizzy..." Her expression turned serious. "...you stop." I hesitated.

"I promise." A faint smile returned to her face.

"Good." She slowly packed the papers back into her folder before standing.

"I'll speak with the King." My head lifted immediately.

"You don't have to." The words came faster than I intended.

"He asked me to keep him informed."

"I don't want him worrying." I stared down at my hands again.

"I think..." Amelia adjusted the strap of her satchel over her shoulder.

"...that stopped being your decision the moment he saw the blood." I didn't know what to do with that.

If he worried... Why didn't he come himself? Amelia quietly left the room, leaving only Valeria and me behind. The silence lingered between us for several moments before she stood from the armchair. The silence lingered between us for a few moments before Valeria stood from the armchair. Instead of leaving, she wandered quietly into the bathroom, stopping beside the large white bathtub.

"Can I ask you something?" She rested one hand against the edge of it before looking back at me. I nodded.

"Of course."

"Have you used it yet?" Her smile was small, almost hesitant, as though she already knew the answer. My eyes drifted towards the bath.

"No." The word came out quieter than I'd intended. She tilted her head slightly.

"Can I ask why?" I searched for an answer that didn't make me sound ridiculous.

"...It feels like a waste."

"A waste?" There wasn't an ounce of judgement in her voice. Only curiosity.

"So much water." I looked down at my hands.

"Jack said clean slaves became lazy." The sadness that crossed her face made me wish I hadn't said it.

"We were allowed cold showers sometimes." I shrugged lightly.

"Usually once a month... if we'd behaved." Valeria didn't interrupt.

"I've never used one before." My eyes settled on the bathtub again.

"I thought they were just... for decoration." A quiet laugh escaped her before she quickly covered her mouth.

"I'm sorry." She smiled apologetically. "That wasn't funny."

"It kind of was." I surprised myself by smiling back. She walked over to the taps before turning them on. Warm water rushed into the bath, steam immediately beginning to fill the room.

"They're definitely not for decoration." She reached for a small bottle from the shelf before holding it up.

"This is bubble bath." I frowned.

"It goes... in the water?" She nodded.

"Watch." A small amount disappeared beneath the running tap, and within seconds soft white bubbles began forming across the surface. My eyes widened.

"It does that by itself?" Valeria laughed again.

"It does." I stepped a little closer without thinking.

"It smells nice."

"Lavender." She handed me the bottle.

"You can use as much or as little as you like." I turned it over in my hands, studying the label even though I couldn't read a single word written across it.

"I don't know how much."

"There isn't a right amount." She smiled gently.

"If you like lots of bubbles, use more. If you don't, use less."

"There aren't rules?"

"No rules." The words settled somewhere deep inside me. No rules. She crossed the room, opening one of the cupboards before pulling out a stack of large white towels.

"These are clean." She placed them carefully on the counter beside the bath.

"And this one..." She unfolded a smaller towel before hanging it within easy reach. "...is for your hair." I watched every movement she made.

"So I don't get the others wet?" She smiled.

"Exactly." When the bath was full, she turned off the water before walking back towards me.

"You don't have to get in." She spoke quietly, as though she didn't want to scare me away.

"You don't even have to stay in here." I looked from her to the bath again.

"I don't?" She slowly shook her head.

"If today isn't the right day..." She gently squeezed my arm. "...then tomorrow might be." She walked towards the door before stopping with her hand on the handle.

"I'll be right outside." I frowned.

"You don't have to wait."

"I know." She smiled over her shoulder.

"But I'd like to." For a long moment, I simply watched her leave before my eyes slowly returned to the bath.

The bubbles floated silently across the surface, filling the room with the scent of lavender.

Sia? Her answer came almost immediately.

...It smells nice.

A small smile found my lips.

It does. For the first time since arriving at the palace... I found myself taking a step forward instead of back.

Carefully, I lowered the other foot before slowly sitting down. The water climbed over my legs, my stomach and finally my shoulders, wrapping itself around me like a blanket. A quiet breath escaped my lips. I'd never been warm like this before. Not properly.

I rested my head against the edge of the bath, closing my eyes for just a moment. The warmth slowly eased the tension in my shoulders, then my neck. Even the headache seemed a little quieter.

I like this. Sia sounded almost surprised herself.

So do I. We fell quiet again. A single tear rolled down my cheek before disappearing into the water. I frowned.

I'm crying.

...I know.

I don't even know why.

...Maybe because you're safe.

I didn't answer. For the first time in years... I believed she might be right.