When I woke up in the hospital a couple of weeks ago, I couldn't believe the news. Yet I felt so empty inside, so I knew it was true. The boys stayed glued to my side for a whole two days. Even when I refused to eat, they made me when my stomach growled violently. I saw the looks they gave each other. After 48 hours, they went down to one at a time. All of them tried to reassure me, but I didn't want to be consoled.
By the second week, I spent a lot of time in the baby's room. Lying on the plush rug on the ground, just surrounded by everything that should have been. The first time I vanished, the boys went crazy, looking for me all over the house, until they found me and collapsed to their knees around me. I didn't get up, and they would often sit in the rocking chair and watch me for hou
