Unnoticed until not

Imagine starting at your third new high school, in a brand new city just twenty minutes down the road from where you grew up. It’s not the beginning of the school year and you also don’t know a single person, except one. One very rotten girl, who you had previously met through a mutual friend and, well, let’s just say she wasn’t a nice person from the jump. Sounds pretty unpleasant, maybe even a bit nerve wrecking, right? Well, hi, I am that new high school girl. Let me introduce myself, my name is Darla but everyone calls me Dee. I am very anti-social so it’s hard for me to make new friends. I tend to stick to myself or hangout with the special needs students because they never judged me and have always been so kind to me. I’m a bit on the weird side, but hey, who isn’t? Some of us are just more open about it than others, and that’s okay! I just hope I can find a group of students to accept me for exactly who I am, tomorrow is my first day and nervous is an understatement. Jumping right into the second semester of the sophomore class; I couldn’t help but immediately notice that this school is very cliquey. Seems as if no one associates with anyone outside of their clique, how am I going to fit in? Anxiety is starting to kick in, but thank goodness it is almost lunch already! I’ll just sit in the hall and eat alone, I’m sure no one will be out there, right? I walk into the lunch room, quite confused which line to stand in. Feeling overwhelmed I stuck to my natural instinct, stand in line with the special needs students! They’re always so nice and helpful, so I took my place in line next to a blind boy standing there smiling ear to ear, just happy to be here and alive. I suddenly felt a light weight off my shoulders, for the first time since I woke up this morning I don’t feel bombarded with anxiety. On the opposite side of me was another young man, also smiling and then greeted me. “Hello, I am Bryce! You must be new?” He asked me kindly. “Yes, it’s my first day! My name is Darla, but you can call me Dee. I just moved here and i dont know anyone.” I responded. “Well now you do, would you like to eat lunch with us?” Of course i said yes, and ironically enough he chose to sit in the hallway away from everyone. Almost like he could read my mind or felt my energy inside the cafeteria. While sitting in the hallway eating lunch with some new friends, I heard the most contagious laugh echo down the empty halls. My eyes shot in the direction it was coming from, they locked with these phenomenal sky blue eyes and a perfect pearly white smile on a beautifully built young man. Instant blush, instant crush! Oh boy, the way my heart just melted when he looked back at me. Oh no, I can feel myself closing in. Here comes anxiety, i dont know what to do. Do I smile back? He wasn’t laughing with me though so I don’t think I should smile, he might think I’m creepy. Do I look in the opposite direction? If I do that, maybe he will forget the awkward moment and walk away.. So I did just that. It’s easier for me to shut things out than over worry about it later on. I find myself replaying scenarios in my head and regretting weird things I’ve said or done because I feel like everyone judges me harshly. So I keep to myself and don’t find interest in initiating interaction with new people. But I just had to know who that guy was, so I asked Bryce if he knew him. “Everyone knows Bobby,” he explained “He is the big jock that plays every sport and he’s the school class clown, honestly the dude is full of himself!” Now I, myself, believe everyone has their own opinion so I prefer to judge someone’s character personally verses listening to what someone else thinks of them. So pretty much all I absorbed from his statement was that his name is Bobby and he plays sports. I just couldn’t stop thinking about Bobby and his bright blissful smile as I walked to the gymnasium for my next class. I walked in and my heart sank; Bobby was playing basketball with a few other boys! Is he in my class? Do I have a class with THE Bobby?! Oh no, this isn’t good.. He’s going to see how much I suck at sports and he’s going to make jokes about me causing people to laugh at me. After all, Bryce did say that he is the class clown! Maybe I should just use my asthma as an excuse if we do something I’m not confident with doing. Good plan; Okay now I need to just breathe, he doesn’t even know my name and probably never will notice me anyways so I’m clearly overthinking! For my first day of gym we did a name learning activity so I wasn’t a stranger to the class; And boy was Bryce right, Bobby really is the class clown. Always joking and laughing causing the room to fill with laughter but I noticed something. He wasn’t the type of class clown that used other people as bait for comedy, he was the type to make himself look goofy causing everyone to chuckle. My worries of sharing a class with him suddenly disappeared. Now, I am just happy I have some type of opportunity for him to possibly interact with me! The name learning activity was passing a basketball around and stating our names with a fact about us. This was my opportunity for him to know my name, but what fact about me might intrigue a star guy like him? I don’t have long to come up with something, the ball is moving quick! Maybe he likes video games, dudes love video games right?! Two people left before me and I haven’t paid attention to a single name in the room. I’m next! Oh man they’re passing me the ball now; “Hi. My name is Darla, I like to play Zombies!” I stuttered awkwardly and fast. Instant overwhelming feeling of being judged. I don’t do well with speaking in front of an audience, I sounded so stupid! Now I’m going to be the weird girl that plays a little kid game. I should have said something else, ANYTHING else. I am embarrassed. I hope he didn’t pay attention to me, maybe he didn’t because he was chatting with the person next to him when I glanced over! That’s a relief, now the ball is almost to Bobby I need to pay attention! “Hi my name is Bobby, I really enjoy cooking and hope to be a chef someday!” He exclaimed. My jaw dropped, he even cooks! Where did this man come from? Did Jesus create this man himself? Handsome, sweet, smart, built, funny, athletic, AND he can COOK too? I am crushing way too hard on this boy I haven’t even spoke to! I need to find a way for him to notice me, and that surely won’t be with my athletic skills. I still don’t know if he has a girlfriend though, so I guess let’s find that out before I keep crushing hard over a stranger. With my luck, he’s probably in a long serious relationship with another popular student. Who knows, only time will tell; Onto my next class!