Love and hate

✳1 It has been 2 months now that I started interning for my nursing and in 10 months time I would finish and would go back to do one final year of the nursing course in school and I was not doing much good though at my intern working at a government hospital, I had only made one friend Betty who was fair like me in her looks but a little bit arrogant I must say and the two of us hated the matron nurse she was strict on us every day. Today we were late for our morning shift both Betty and I and a few other nurses and we told to stand in a straight line by the matron and we knew trouble was coming our way. Matron: Okay you Betty did you iron your uniform today ?" Betty: Yes matron" Matron: hmmm with your age you're not good at ironing, and Rachel " she moved and looked at me Me: Yes " Matron: Yes who? Am I donkey or maybe a dog?" she gave me a scrutiny eye Me: Sorry Matron Ma'am " with head bowed down I apologized trying to look and sound humble Matron: you’re overdoing it now just call me matron is enough, well then your eyes look swollen why?" Me: didn’t sleep enough I guess " Matron: you will be dismissed here at lunchtime and you still don't get enough sleep and you come late to work what's wrong with you how will you take care of other people's bodies when you don't take care of your own?" Rachel: Sorry Matron" Matron: you will have extra work today all of you especially the interns you'll help out in the man's wards " Oooh no not again" we all mumbled complaining for it was hard to work with the man in there some would tease us and some require extra care Oooh goodness nobody liked it there and some would report on us on doing or not giving them doses and we would get punishment, well that's livelihood of interns Betty: Let's go Rachel today they say we're being taught to take care of burns " Rachel: I am scared of burns " Betty: Who isn't let's go you're too soft Rachel? " We went to the burns sections and guess who was teaching us nurse Kim the most overly praised nurse well she was good at everything she did she excelled in every area and I admired her she didn't talk much though she was outstanding even with her uniform so smart always her hair tied with a neat bun on the back you'd never ever see even a strand in her face she now had experience rumor says now she had 4 years at being a nurse and the badges on her uniform warned us that she indeed was the best I think she was in her late twenties or early thirties it’s only a assumption though. We went with her to the pediatrics ward and one at a time a mother would come in with her child in the room where we were going to clean the burns but first we needed to inject every child with a dose of pethidine this was a sedative medicine to make them not feel pain when we would be cleaning the burns. Kim: Rachel inject that baby why are you shaking?" was it visible I asked myself Me: Okay " I was scared of injecting patients I would think maybe it hurts or maybe I would do it wrong and the needle would break and be left in the patient's body so my hands shook whenever I wanted to do so Mother 1:Nurse Kim please come and do it don't give me a student to inject my child she will hurt him " Kim: go to the next child and this time you better do it for how long will I keep covering up for you?" Me: I am sorry " I puppishly walked to the bed beside and the mother there just looked at me and said "no" you won't practice on my child I just stood there confused and I looked at Betty she was smiling already had injected 4 children good for her Kim: Rachel why are you standing again?" I got startled seriously I had to snap out of it Mother 2:I also refused with my child she won't practice on her also " she said also refusing Kim: That is her job allow her to do so " Mother 2:no I won't inject my baby also please " Kim: No I won't and please stop complaining me at some point also was a student Rachel inject this baby right away " Me: Okay" I went nearer and I took medicine and I made a clink sound with the injection still staggering like a drunkard I held the baby's leg and I closed my eyes and opened them and I finally injected the baby and he busted in crying and I was startled again and just stood at akimbo Kim: don’t you know how to do anything Rachel?" at this point she yelled pissed off Me: I am trying " can't believe I opened my mouth to answer back Kim: Rachel take the cotton wool and deep it in methylated spirit and place it on the leg you have just injected Rachel come on be jagged up" Me:Oooh okay I am sorry" Nurse Kim injected the rest of the children as I was following behind her just looking and now we went into the room where we going to clean the burns, I for one had lost all confidence and I was now scared of failing more than trying my best. Kim: Okay so we take hot water and we add in half packet of coarse salt and we mix it until its blended and fully dissolved in water and we put betadine solution and we take our fine cotton cloth here, please hand me your baby Rachel I hope you're watching I believe Betty has done this before?" Betty:Yes I did " she confidently answered ,I almost frowned Kim: this child burns are 12 degree burns how did he burn?" she asked the mother of the child Mother 1:she got burnt with boiling water" Me: My God the burnt area is big and frightening" Kim: Don’t mind that your duty is to clean it until it heals okay" Me: Okay " I adored her calmness Kim: Now watch....... pass me that surgical blade we have to open it so that the watery pus will come out " I handed her the blade and she opened the lumpy area " so here you then deep your cloth in the warm water not hot please or you will burn the baby again so you scrub it over the burns and make sure to do it fast" I looked to the side as the burns were being cleaned and the baby was crying a little bit in pain though I think the pethidine was still intact in the body but hmmm that was a horrendous sight Kim: Rachel watch what I am doing the next baby is going to be cleaned by you, do you hear me I am not going to do it again for you?" Me: Okay Ma'am " here we go again Kim: Just call me Kim" Me: Okay Kim " Kim:Okay then after rinsing the baby you see this white cream it’s called SSD cream you cover it over the burns and take the paraffin gauze here and put it on top and and lastly cover it with a bandage okay and we're done with this child for today call the next child please Rachel and you're going to cleanse the wound yourself with what I've just taught you " she showed us step by step Me: Okay " I went and stood on the door facing the beds and called in *next* and another mother came with a child burnt on her fingers was I going to do it ¿ Kim: Now you do it I will be watching " I took the child and I perfectly mixed the water like I was taught and I took the child and placed him in the tub where the burnt children were scrubbed of their wounds in Kim: You first clean the tub Rachel " Me: You never told me that " Kim: Do I need to tell you that can't you see there is blood of the previous child and why are you not wearing the plastic apron you will spoil your uniform with blood from the wounds" Me: I am am I am sorry let me start over " I even stuttered I cleaned the tub and then took the child and I started cleaning the wound the nails on the fingers were coming off as I scrubbed the wound hmmm that was so saddening at the same time horrifying I then began to cry and I stopped Kim: move you're completely useless how are you going to pass if you do this a nurse needs to have a strong heart what is this Rachel and I was told to teach you only for today tomorrow you have to do it yourself and in 1 hour you need to finish all the children just the two of you now keep watching I am disappointed in you,...Betty Betty:Yes Kim" Kim: let’s take turns in cleaning the children " I was substituted with immediate effect Betty:Okay " They cleaned the children just the two of them as I stood watching disappointed in myself too why didn't I do it like them they were saying I was too soft and lighthearted, they finished and we removed the plastic aprons we wore on top of our uniforms and we went out, Now the surgical doctors were now coming taking rounds on every child to see those who were improving and those that weren't and prescribing medicine for them each different to the next and as I was standing on another child's bed with the record book of that child there came a new doctor *Doctor Park* I read it on his name tag clipped on his white dust coat, he was tall and handsome and I kept looking at him as he was walking towards the bed where I was.