All You Need Is Love

                                                                             (Desire) God not this again. I don't know if I can take this anymore. "Dennis I'm begging you. Please please leave me alone. I really don't want to do this with you. Can you please get out of my room?" I ask my mom's boyfriend trying to mask the fear in my voice. I think he feeds of it. The more scared I am the more aroused he gets. I watch as a sick smirk spreads across his ashy black face. I stare at the spot where his missing front tooth is suppose to be and shutter in disgust. "Come on we can do it while yo mama sleep like we always do. Come on." he says as he proceeds to rub his large rough hand up my thigh. I immediately regret the shorts I decided to wear to bed. It feels like a billion baby spiders are crawling up my leg as he moves his sweaty hand closer and closer to my v****a. My flesh begins to crawl and I fight the urge to vomit. I push his hand away then I scoot as far as I can away from him on my twin sized bed. "Dennis please." I plead trying to control the shaking in my voice. "Stop acting like you don't like what we be doing. I know you do." He says then leans in and tries to kiss me. I quickly turn my head from the strong stitch of liquor on his breath. How could he have it in his twisted mind that I like this? Does my screams for help and pleads to be left alone sound like I like it? He stands up. I quickly prepare myself for what's about to come next. He asks and when I refuse, he takes. "That's alright. Believe ima be back b***h. I don't know why you keep making me take it." he says then storms towards the door. I hold my breath until the door closes then I hurry off my bed and lock the door. But it's all in vain. I locked door has never stopped him before. He will be back in here tonight while my mom is in one of her many liquor comas. And no matter how loud I scream and beg for help she will not wake up to save me. She never has and I'm betting she never will. I know she knows what's going on. How could she not? It's been 5 freaking years. But despite all she is, I still love her. And deep down I know she loves me. I mean who has a child and just doesn't love them? I sigh then grab the only thing I can vent to, my diary. "Dear Diary, I don't know if life is worth living anymore. Why do I continue to put up with this? Why am I still here? I should just end it all. Shouldn't I?" **************************************************************************************** He kisses my forehead then rolls off the top of me. I watch him as he puts back on his underwear and pants. "Next time I bet you won't try to fight it." he says with a chuckle as he leaves my room. I slowly roll into the fetal position and just lay there. Dennis surely made good on his promise of coming back. Me being fed up with what's going on for 100th time I decided to fight back. Of course, it wasn't a good idea because now I'm pretty sure I have another black eye to try and cover up and many bruises. I let my eyes roam the room to find my alarm clock. It's 5:57am. I gotta get ready for school. I reach around the bed for the clothes that were ripped off of me. I find my shirt, pants, and bra but can't find my underwear. I build up what little strength I have to sit up on the bed. Every bone in my body hurts. Even worst in the below the belt area. Like I said before it has happened so much that I don't even react much afterwards. I just get up and go on with my day. Almost falling in the process I get up and limp to the bathroom. I hurriedly hop into the shower and make the water as hot as I can take it. The one thing I can't change is how my body feels afterwards. I just feel so dirty ... nasty...and disgusting. I cant even find the right words to describe it. I scrub the towel over my body like I'm trying to peel away my skin. But no matter how hard I scrub the feeling will never fully go away. I climb out of the shower and limp my way back to my room to find something to wear. I've never been the type to dress up because I feel I have no one to impress. I usually just dress how I feel. Since I'm in a world full of depression, I decide on these baggy black sweats, a white shirt, and an oversized black hoodie. I throw the clothes on then head back to the bathroom. I throw my hair into a ponytail then stare at my face. How am I suppose to explain to Jayda (my best friend) that I have yet another black eye? But I rather deal with all of her questioning than stay here. I take the comb and try to hide my eye with a bang. This will have to do. I grab my book bag and head down the stairs. I spot my mom passed out on the couch per-usual as I head out the door. I try to fix my walk as I see Jayda on the curb where she always is waiting for me. With each step, it feels like my insides are still being ripped apart. When I get to her we start walking to school together like we've done every day since elementary rain, sleet, or snow. She noticed my eye when we got to breakfast. "What happened to you .. ran into another door knob?" She asks in a playful manner. "Well you know how clumsy I am me and door knobs just don't along." I say fake smiling. "I see" she says. One thing I love about Jayda is that she never presses the issue. She just lets my answers be my answers. I don't know if she suspects anything. But if she does she never says so. When the bell rings we go to our 1st-period class that we have together which is Art Appreciation. We enter the classroom and go to the table we always sit together. "Okay class settle down. I want us to get started on this right away." Mrs.Flowers says. "Today class we will be starting on a project that I want us to put all our time and effort into. That's why I'm not going to give a lecture I'm just going to give you your paper and partner and let you all get to it" My heart sinks. She's picking our partners which means it's a high chance me and Jayda won't be together. Which means I'm going to have to work with someone I don't know and is not comfortable with. Jayda is the only person I really know at school even though I've been going to school with the same people since head-start. I'm so anti-social. I don't even remember how me and her started talking. Mrs.Flowers starts reading off the names and I hold my breath when she gets to mines. "Desire Brooks and Jacari Lockwood" she says and I'm praying to the gods of heaven that I heard her wrong. My heart sinks to soles of my feet. She did not just partner me with Jacari Lockwood. Out of all the people in this classroom, I'm the one who gets partnered with the school's f*****g thug. Great. I glance over at him and almost break my neck trying to look away when I find him looking at me too. Of course, I know who he is cause he's always being talked about but I didn't know he knew who I was.