But I'll be okay.

entry 2 - nothing

I don't know what I am sad about. Life just doesn't seem appealing anymore. Nothing makes me go 'I want to live.'

Nothing seems worth living for. I use to think I know what I want, but I don't anymore. You know when you were little and there was so much out there. You look at something and you just know that is what you wish to do. Things were simple. You knew what you wanted and that's the end of it. 

But I know now. Things aren't simple. Not in this system we've created and not in this lifetime. You want something you work for it. But that's the problem. How do I work for it if I don't have the mental state to do anything? Hard work doesn't lead to the treasure. We made it seem like it does but my parents are struggling every day. They work hard. It almost seems like it all just leads to nothing in the end. You get nothing out of it.

How do I work for nothing? I can't do that. But I have to. For the temporary pleasures in life. For the small change that we need to survive. 

I know it gets better. 

I'm just not better yet.