Delulu

Unbearable

The college friends recently decided to go for a movie together. I rarely go to such gatherings but this time, I was excited.

The movie theater was dark, but my mind was anything but.

Nathan was sitting beside me, his leg pressed against mine just enough for me to feel the heat radiating off his skin. My stomach clenched, and I couldn’t tell if it was from the low hum of the theater or something else.

I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about him like this. I knew better.

Nathan had a girlfriend, and I wasn’t about to be that girl. But still, here I was, sitting next to him with my heart hammering like I’d never known him at all.

My eyes slid towards him, watching the way the dim light flickered off his jaw, the way his mouth twitched when he laughed at something someone said. I didn't even know at this point who we were with or what we were watching.

I should have focused on the movie, but the way Nathan’s broad shoulders filled up the seat next to me, it was distracting. He was distracting.

I couldn’t stop myself from noticing the way his fingers drummed absently on the armrest, the way his hoodie clung to his chest, outlining the muscles I’d never really noticed before. My mouth went dry, and I shifted in my seat, trying not to make it obvious.

Why the hell is he so… hot? And since when?

I hated myself for even thinking about it, but I couldn’t help it. The way he looked tonight, all casual in that dark hoodie, with his messy hair falling just the right way into his eyes just made him look so different. Not in a bad way. But in a way that had my pulse picking up and my thoughts running wild.

I was staring at the way his lips moved when he spoke, how they shaped each word, how I could almost imagine how they’d feel on my skin.

Fuck. Focus, Ivy.

I tried to look back at the screen, but the tension between us was thick—thicker than the popcorn scent that hung in the air. Was I the only one who was feeling it? How could he not feel it? It's everywhere! The space between us felt charged. And it wasn’t just the leg brushing against mine. It was everything.

My thoughts spiraled, and my body betrayed me. My thighs clenched together as I fought the sudden surge of heat that pooled in my stomach.

I could hear my breath coming faster, and I cursed myself for it. I wasn’t supposed to be this way. I wasn’t supposed to want him, not when I knew he was with her. But that didn’t stop the fantasies from flickering to life, one after the other.

I could imagine his hand on my leg now, his fingers sliding up the inside of my thigh, his thumb grazing the sensitive skin just beneath the hem of my shorts. His touch would be light at first, almost tentative, like he wasn’t sure if I’d pull away, but I wouldn’t pull away. I never would.

Fuckin' Stop it, Ivy. Stop.

But I couldn’t. His proximity was driving me insane. The heat from his body, the way he smelled—like fresh laundry mixed with something warm and just a little spicy—it was making my head spin.

Nathan shifted in his seat, and the movement had him leaning just a bit closer to me, his arm brushing against mine again. I could feel the heat from his body like an electric current, and it made my heart skip a beat.

He was so close. Too close.

I should pull away, but I didn’t want to. My fingers twitched, wanting to touch him, to feel his warmth against me. To feel anything besides this suffocating need gnawing at the pit of my stomach.

I tried to focus on the movie. I really did. But my mind kept drifting back to him—his voice, his smile, the way his fingers brushed his lips when he thought. God, those lips. I’d seen them countless times, heard him laugh a thousand times, but now… I couldn’t stop imagining how they might feel pressed against mine.

No, Ivy. He has a girlfriend. He’s with her. Not you.

The reminder did nothing to cool the fire burning inside me. In fact, it made the ache in my chest worse. I felt like I was suffocating, like I was trapped between what I knew was right and what my body was demanding.

I glanced at him again, just a quick flicker of my eyes, but it was enough to catch his attention. Our gazes locked for a moment, and I felt the time slow down for that moment, like it happens in movies. I should have looked away, but I didn’t look away. I couldn’t.

There was something in the way he was looking at me that I couldn’t quite place. Something that made my heart race even faster.

He’s with her, I reminded myself again, but it didn’t help.

The way my body reacted when his knee brushed against mine, the way his expressions softened slightly when his eyes lingered on me, it felt like a dare. A question.

And I hated that I wanted to answer it.

I took a deep breath, trying to pull myself together, but the ache in my body wouldn’t subside. My thoughts were running wild, and the movie faded into the background. All I could focus on was Nathan and how good it felt to be close to him, even if it was just for that moment.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. But it was.

And for the first time since we’d reconciled, I wasn’t sure I could ignore it any longer.