Delulu

Before diving into the depths and details of what is actually going on, let me help you guys catch up till here! Hello, I am Ivy. I am a top grade student and always have been. And this story, unfortunately but helplessly, includes Nathan, the 'other' top grade student who has done nothing but annoy me with his mere existence. We have been in the same academic institutions since childhood, and it's in both of our nature to pick a fight with each other because, well, we usually never agree on anything. In recent years, our bond had grown quite strong before that huge fight. We used to disagree but understand each other's perspectives. We'll talk about the fight some other time. Long story short, we fought, we stopped talking for over a year, we realized it was stupid, we reconciled, and well now I am in this situation! By 'this' situation, I mean the situation where I have...God, it's so hard to admit out loud. Okay here I go. I have fallen for Nathan! Fuck! f**k! What the actual freakin' f**k! I agree he is not the worst choice, but he is so not my type of choice. I was... I am still sure about it because hello? It's Nathan. Plain old Natty, who gets offended so easily, is so soft, cannot handle someone disagreeing with him and, well...kind of the most important part being....HE HAS A FREAKIN GIRLFRIEND!!!! Yes! I know! It's f****d up! And that's why I just straight up know I do NOT have to even ponder over it, except, I am doing anything but this. I am pondering over it day and night endlessly. I have not seen him in the last two weeks because just a glance of him hitches my breath and I know it's wrong on so many goddamn levels. There are so many thoughts that I can't talk about. So many levels of wrongdoing, and I am just frustrated because this is not me! Ivy never wonders what she wants, she gets except for this time. His girlfriend, Emma is nice and sweet. I have started feeling jealous of her. She is not the type I ever imagined Nate to hang out with. I do understand why he does though. She is nice and he is not. She complains, he dismisses her, and she gets over it. She takes care of him, and he doesn't do anything in return, but she is still happy just to be with him. I have nitpicked on him so much regarding this. I always felt bad for Emma but these days I am jealous! I have never experienced or witnessed a downfall like mine right now. Who knows, how much am I gonna stoop for this ungrateful bastard! fck it!