Moving forward

My alarm is blaring and I don’t have the energy to roll out of bed. First thing first find where I dropped my phone to turn off the alarm, oh here it is under the bed, next is put on a smile before I wake up my son Carter. Today we are burying his father, yes I know he doesn’t understand what is happening today as he is only 2 but I want to be able to share the memories with him. For me today is a bitter sweet moment I met Carter’s father William 5 years ago and at first he was the sweetest guy ever. Then something just switched with him like a light switch and he started being abusive. It started with telling me I look fat in certain clothes to name calling and controlling who my friends were. My parents kicked me out of the house at 18 because I didn’t want to become a doctor so my family were my friends and I pushed them away for William. I had three best friends who helped me get back onto my feet after my parents kicked me out with nothing but the clothes on my back. Jason and Kellen are a couple, they like men but William still thought I would flirt with them or they would flirt with me, and Stacy was the mother of the group and of course William had a problem with her as well saying that she was going to break us up because I listen to everything she says to do. So in the end I stopped all contact with them for him not realizing at first that he was isolating me from the world. He had to approve of my work friends and if I wanted to hang out with them well that turned into a screaming match of how I just want to go out and let other men flirt with me. He never got physical until after I had Carter, I had asked about his work shirts that had lipstick on them and it wasn’t mine, he slapped me that night and told me I was just a stay at home b***h and he needs some arm candy that isn’t a fat b***h. At first he would apologize for hitting me but the more he didn’t the more the apologies stopped. The beating were an everyday occurrence now, he always had some type of reason like the food wasn’t up to his standards or his suits didn’t have the right press lines on them. He never hit me or talked bad about me in front of Carter and for that I appreciate it. I couldn’t continue on like this, I knew he would end up killing me one day, I had mine and carters bag packed in carters clothes and whatever money I found while doing his laundry I was hiding it, we were waiting for the perfect moment to leave. He was going on a business trip in two weeks and I was going to leave and not look back, I knew William wanted to marry his mistress bust she couldn’t get pregnant that is why he hasn’t divorce me, he would let me know every time he came home drunk. The Friday before he was suppose to leave he was out drinking with some buddies and his mistress, he was heading to her house and she was giving him a blow job and he didn’t see the car coming right for him, the other driver was driving drunk as well so all three people died on impact. I got the call from the police about William around midnight. I cried for the man I fell in loved with but rejoiced that I never have to deal with the man who he became. Williams dad Christopher started the business William was running and once the news about his cheating scandal hit the air, the business was demolished as mischief as it would be nice for it to go to Carter I’m glad he can start his own business now. Now back to the day ahead I got Carter up and fed, I placed him in his playpen with cartoons playing while I get a shower, as I was putting on my black dress I kept rubbing my muffin top, I wish I can get rid of it but it help carry my son. I guess hearing I’m fat everyday you start to believe it. I get Carter dressed in his black outfit and we head out to the funeral, the service was going to be small just myself Carter and Christopher once the news went out of what William did he lost all of his friends. The funeral was nice and short after Carter and I went to have lunch with Christopher, I want to have a good relationship with him, after all he is Carter’s only grandpa and he has always been a father figure to me. Once I got home I put Carter down for his nap and I started cleaning, out of now where there was a knock at the door. I was confused on who it can be seeing as I don’t know anyone.