The Broken Girl and her Marine

Savannah’s POV It’s been a few years now of drowning my sorrow in everything from men to alcohol to drugs. How does a church going, god fearing women turn to a depressed alcoholic borderline d**g addict you may ask. Simple… MEN! I was 18 years old when I met the “man” I thought I loved and would spend the rest of my life with. Boy was I wrong! Granted does an 18 year old who never had a real and meaningful relationship actually know what love is? Hell no! Falling in love was simple for me, oh you know the typical girl with an abusive childhood with major daddy issues. Well I fell in love Again after getting dumped a month prior. Cody was everything I thought I wanted. A baseball player, a full time employee at the shipyard making good money, didn’t live with his parents and had his own car. Plus he gave me all of his attention, who could ask for more right? Everything was perfect! Our first date… Cody picked me up at the apartment I was staying at and drove me to the house he and two of his buddies had just rented. It was a nice house with hardwood floors, plenty of windows for natural light, a decently renovated kitchen. 3 bedrooms for each of the guys with a small bathroom they had to share. It wasn’t much but it was comfortable! The best feature was the massive backyard with a full size deck that over looked the fenced in yard. You could even see the park located on the other side of the small creek that ran through the small patch of woods. That night we shared our dreams of the future. Our career choices and our dream families. We even shared our first kiss, a kiss that didn’t sear my soul or make me desire him in a primal way but what was I expecting? It was a perfectly normal date in a completely empty home. As we continued to talk my feelings obviously went into hyperactivity with a need to keep his full attention! Well as you guessed it, I moved in to his place. Mind you he didn’t talk to his roommates who weren’t so keen on a women moving into their bachelor pad but as long as the rent was paid what could they really say? We progressed our relationship by trying to be intimate, key word trying! No matter what we did he also had an issue actually performing! A month into dating, I found out I was pregnant, and as you can guess with the lack of full intimacy the baby was not his. And cue panic attack! Yes finding out I was pregnant was a traumatic experience since I didn’t know how Cody would react! I mean what normal man would stay with a women whom they have only been together for a month and she is pregnant? Well Cody! He took it with stride and was so happy that it hurt me knowing it wasn’t going to be his! After my pregnancy was confirmed by my doctor at 9 weeks along I had the tough choice of hiding the truth from the biological father or growing up and letting him know. After a long decision I put my big girl panties and made the call. There was no surprise when he first thought he wasn’t the dad but luckily got over the shock. We agreed to meet up at his parents house, yes he still lived at home, to discuss what the game plan was. Maybe things would be okay! Wrong!! The first statement was “how much is it to terminate?” Like WTF? I was heartbroken. I didn’t want to give up my baby and his only reason was he wasn’t ready! Well like a dumb girl I was I made the appointment. I may not have agreed but I couldn’t deal with all the peer pressure on him and my father! February 14 is a day of love well for me it was the day I first saw my little peanut! The first time I didn’t regret falling in love at first sight! Only it was ruined when the person standing next to me was the one wanting it dead! I went home to my boyfriend and cried myself to sleep with the knowledge that the next day would hunt me forever! February 15 known for discount chocolates is now known as the day I killed my child! I guess the father couldn’t stand the sight of me crying to my mother because he got wasted the night before and wouldn’t even show his face. Though my mom was there and I was surrounded by other women there to “rectify the situation” I felt utterly alone! My name was called, I was wheeled into a room where the nurse tried to provide some comfort applied my gas mask so I could sleep the whole time. Luckily I warned the nurses that I don’t wake up very pleasant from anesthesia but I woke up in complete darkness. The only sound I could hear where my cries and screams for my mother and how God was going hate me and that I was going to Hell! Months! Months past and I still cried to myself in the shower so nobody knew how depressed I was! I didn’t do to good since I got pregnant a month after my procedure. That’s where it all went down hill! April 16th I got a play test result for my doctor to confirm and was so happy and so was Cody! That happiness lasted all of 3 months before he talked to my father who confirmed that Cody didn’t want the baby! I was heartbroken but didn’t let it show. I wouldn’t kill another child for a man! I moved back to my parents house for support during my pregnancy and found a new job where I could sit the whole time. Cody moved back to his parents so he could get mental support though his mother was a witch who always reminded me of her opinion that I ruined her precious son! January 14 at 2:38 pm my baby boy was born via c-section! God knew I need unconditional love because I was head over heels for the little 8.5 pound bundle of joy! Head full of dark brown hair and what seemed like baby blue eyes. Of course he came out looking like a spiting image of his daddy but all I could see was a future of love! Who would of thought that would be the only day our little family was happy.