Diary of a Sweet Girl

Dear Diary, As for first, this is the first time I'd ever write my feelings down. My therapist keeps saying "Instead of holding it in, write it down." I guess that's what I'm doing now. She claims that I talk well when I'm with her. I bet I'd talk better when I'm with you. My heart is failing. Life started out sweet for me once I transferred from a school in my home town to Meddleton High. Compared to how invincible I was at my old school, at Meddleton High it was like I was all they could see. Everyone seemed receptive and loving; prying but curious, they all were. Some asked for my name directly while others heard from a friend of a friend. The spotlight is always beautiful until it comes crashing down. Boys loved to play with my dark wavy hair and some girls were jealous, I could tell. Other girls wanted to be my friend, yet I didn't see what was so special about me. I agree, I was smart (still am). I dressed considerably better than I used to and I tried to get myself really clean before coming to school. But is that all to a person? I loved the attention and to top it up, I was at the top of my game with my academics every time. But maybe I let it get into my head somewhere along the line. Maybe I was too overly excited due to my improvement in therapy and the praises I was getting from teachers. Maybe that's why I thought that in my final year during the three months practice course for University, James would be mine and I'd become the ultimate. When did I start thinking I was better than everyone else. I had no idea that James would be my fall. The sweet classmates I once thought would always be on my side were planning and looking for a way to get me into trouble. Shit be like that sometimes, never works out. I told the girls about my little crush on the teacher and their advise was to go for it. James, the man of my dreams, was a junior teacher in school and I was the brightest student but I have to admit that writing him a love letter and leaving it on his desk was the dumbest s**t I had ever pulled. In this training period, I had be walking on thin ice with everyone because obviously I am a god of some sort( or so they treated me). All those low thinking sheep should worship my awesomeness, but I wonder why no one else see it that way. (don't skip the sarcasm) It took a week for me to turn from loved to most despised. All because of one flimsy letter saying, "Sir James, you have to be mine." I mean, he was teaching English, I was so certain that he'd get the role play but he used me as an art example in one of his Shakespearean lectures. F#$k!! with my name and everything. Now Stacey thinks I have been seducing him for a while, bish never really liked me you know. How things got so bad and wrong so fast, I don't understand. I thought that things would be different in this school. But all humans are the same. Was I made to suffer? James was the beginning of the ruin of my life. s**t! remind me never to write letters. only letters to you. Note:There are days that I'd come to you with thoughts so extensive and I'd be hurting. And there are days where I won't be able to speak. Since my life is a b***h handling every piece of s**t like a gem you'll have to be my bestie now. The humans around me have decided to be trash. I mean, I love people and all but is it not weird that none of them love me? at least not anymore. I know we just met and I should introduce myself to you but I can't help but remember how Stacey Bloom threw my phone down from the fifth floor of our department building. She and the rest of our mates laughed at me as I rushed down to check if my phone had somehow survived the fall. But it's inevitable, the damage that had been done. what have I done so wrong to deserve such malice? Oh wait, I remember, I'm a glorified asshole. Sorry, sorry, sorry, you must be wondering right now who I am, but shouldn't you know your best friend even before she says so? Okay, I'll introduce myself either ways, "Hi Diary" (because I'm feeling dramatic today, I've paused for a deep breath) "My name is Alison and surely I have no last name but I'll tell you why that is some other day" Sigh, I would like to continue the story about Stacey but I have to let you know something first, there is no one in a mile of where I stand that can stand me. And just yesterday, my dog ran away, to show you how much of a unwanted piece of meat I am. I must be the worst person alive don't you think? I could swear that I'm not crying but that would be a lie and I promise never to lie to you, ever. Diary, is this how it's always going to be for me? living with everyone not caring about my existence? I mean, has anyone ever truly loved me? even my dad got tired. For now, I'll clean my tears and act okay because I can't keep crying every day, plus my mom just pulled into the driveway and I can't have her knowing that I'm not doing so well in school(it's just three months of uni practice, we all will soon go to our Universities), talk more of my first year. Uh, it also means that dinner is going to walk through that door any second. I hope we are having Chinese!! Now I'm a little excited. I'll come back to you Dear Diary. Today's 8th November, I'm hoping 9th will be better. Tah-Tah