Vows of Silence

14

I sat on the floor by the garbage can and let the cold air run around me. It was moments like these that I believed truly felt special. After I threw the boxes away, I sat down on the cold floor and stretched my legs out in front of me. I wiped away the tears that had escaped my eyes and just sat. I'd been so long since I last sat down and did nothing. Even when I sat in my room on the floor, I was always thinking about what I had to do the next day, and then I would fall asleep and not realize it. The cold felt nice against my legs that were hurting from being so tired. I'm normally on my feet and walking around, but today was a different kind of tired. It's like my bones were tired. I wanted to lay down flat on the floor, but that probably wasn't the best idea. Once I felt the cold had frozen my heart, I walked back inside. It would snow soon. Not a heavy snowfall, but it would be enough that the floor would get muddy again from everyone walking around. I could smell it in the air. I wonder if anyone else can smell it?

Now that my wolf is back, it almost feels like I'm in a different world. I can smell things that I've never smelled before. I can see things clearly. I have more energy. Not a lot more, but my hand feels better. I looked out at the forest. I had never been there before. It was dark, and the shadows were making everything look freaky. I know that it's just trees and wild animals, but it still felt strange. I may be going crazy, but it feels like someone's watching me. I focused my gaze on the treeline and watched one of the shadows. This shadow was darker than the rest. It was like I couldn't see through it. I looked harder and then lights popped up. They were far away but I could see them coming through the woods. That must be the new Alpha on tour. I made my way back inside and walked past the first room where people were still laughing about that stupid name she called me. I headed straight for the dining room and Alpha Damian and Beta Micheal and Rebecca were still sitting there.

''There are lights coming through the forest. I think they're almost here.'' The weird shadow was long forgotten. Before my excitement could catch up with me, Beta Micheal started speaking. "We know. The pack guards told us. They informed everyone.'' He looked at me as if I was trying to stick a metal fork in an outlet. I didn't know that. I wasn't connected to the rest of the pack. I had never been accepted. I nodded my head and backed up so I could leave the room.

''Do dust yourself off before they get here. And come wipe down this table.'' I nodded and found a cleaning rag in the kitchen. I worked my way around each of them as I wiped. Rebecca sat still and only lifted her hands. Alpha Damian stood up so I could wipe down his spot. Weird. Whatever. There's a lot of weird stuff happening tonight. I finished the long ends of the table and found myself walking to Beta Micheal. Since he didn't move, I had to lean over him to wipe the table. I was almost on top of him when I felt a hand on my leg. It was behind my knee. Maybe it's so that I don't fall over? I tried to ignore it as I scrubbed a dried splash of red sauce off the table. There wasn't much I could do against the beta of the pack anyway. His hand started traveling higher and higher.

The stain was almost off. There was a stupid bit at the end that refused to peel away. His hand was in between my legs. I froze. I felt everything under my stomach go numb. I kept moving the rag in a circle. I don't know what to do. No one had ever touched me there. He kept moving his fingers up and down me. It wasn't until he pressed, and the doorbell rang that I jumped up. My heart was in my stomach. I didn't think I could stand any longer. I wanted to cry. Beta Micheal stood up from his seat and turned around. For a second he faced me and I jumped back. Alpha Damian gave us a weird look and tucked his chair in. He gestured for Beta Micheal to walk in front of him as Rebecca walked over to me. "Fix your face girl, they're here. You will walk behind me and, if needed, will make yourself present. Is that understood?'' I nodded my head and followed her out of the room.

I think I'm melting. Or maybe I'm floating? I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't think I'm in my body. It feels like I'm walking in a dream. I watched the floor as the alpha's greeted each other. When Rebecca's feet moved, I moved. When they stopped, I stopped. I know we had gone up the stairs to the second floor where I had prepared the beds earlier. One by one the guests disappeared into their room. I felt eyes watching me. I don't know whose. My wolf was laying down in my mind. She looked dead. I know she wasn't because I could see her chest move up and down. Something's wrong with me. With us. I kept following Rebecca until I heard something muffled and saw the foot of a door slam into my toe. I think we're done. I turned around and walked back to the laundry room. The kitchen light? I left it on? I followed the beams of light and came across a familiar set of shoes. Shoes I had polished more than once. Beta Micheal's black shiny shoe with the pointy toes were facing my feet. My shoes were held together with scraps of black tape and I only used them winter or special occasions that required shoes, like having guests visit the pack house. I can't breathe. He's still here. I think his hand's on my shoulder. It was gone. His feet moved from in front of me and I watched them walk around me and saw another set of shoes I hadn't seen before. The pants were wrinkled and black. But not messy wrinkled just wrinkled from sitting down alot. It almost felt like someone was talking to me. I could almost hear words. I blinked my eyes. I almost felt like I was blinking through smoke, but my eyesight was clear. I looked up. I didn't know these pants or these shoes.

I looked up. It must be one of the guests. His hair was wavy and brown. So were his eyes. He was wearing a black shirt with buttons, but his shirt was shiny. There was something about him. I can't really figure it out.

''So anyway, they said, I should ask you if I need anything." He had a weird smile on his face. Probably because you've been looking at him weird. My wolf. Oh, that makes sense. I blinked my eyes one last time.

''What can I help you with sir?'' My voice was normal. Thank the gods. Lately, it's been acting up on me. He blinked and then stuttered before speaking. "I just wanted a glass of water, but I don't know where the cups are and I don't want to make a mess.'' His stomach grumbled just as he scratched the back of his head.

''Do you want a snack as well?'' He shrugged his shoulders,'' I don't want to be a bother. Just the water's fine.''

"It's no trouble at all.'' I opened the fridge and took out the water pitcher. I grabbed a glass cup from the cupboard and filled it.

''Is there anything specific you want to eat?'' I heard strange noises coming from the hall. Almost like a shuffling, like when the kids are sick and leave the bathroom at 2 o'clock in the morning after they ask me for help because they threw up. Most of the time I'm still up and doing laundry anyway, so it's no trouble.

''Dude, did you find foo-sorry, I didn't know anyone else was here.'' I guess the members of one of the largest packs in the world aren't allowed to talk like that. His voice deepened the next time he spoke.