An unexpected turn

Chapter 2

⚠️ Warning, this chapter will include self-harm! ⚠️

.

-

.

"No!" Ashe shouts and gets up quickly in bed. Sweat runs down the forehead and the rest of the body. It is dark and hot in the room, it is around one o'clock at night. Ashe shakes as she stares at the window, even though you can not see anything. Ashe reaches for the book under the pillow. She finds it quickly and opens the book and finds the razor blade. With the razor blade in her hand, her eyes lands on the page in the book she just opened. It's a coal drawing, of a sad girl who's overwhelmed of all the feelings. With a heavy breath, Ashe closes the book and her eyes now lands on the shining razor blade. It is smooth and cold, like always.

With a tear falling down her cheek, she places the razor blade against her left arm, the same arm as usual. A lot of other scars are visible on the arm, if you look closer. Too many scars. With one stroke, the pain feels strong and clear, again. The pain is so ordinary and calming, so wonderful. As she stares at the arm, blood comes out slowly. It's red and so beautiful, so satisfying. With another stroke with the razor blade, a new wound is formed, this wound even deeper. And more blood comes out.

As the pain and stinging grows in the arm, Ashe can finally feel som peace inside of her empty body, her empty mind. This time she exhales with relief as she watching the blood coming our from the scars. The blood flows down from the wounds and follows the arm down to the elbow.

"Pain", says Ashe, focusing on the pain from the new wounds. Her arm is warm and red. I need a shower... Ashe thinks as she clumsily gets up from the sweaty bed. She walks slowly to the door and opens it. The blood is still flowing and soon it drips to the floor. Ashe hurries out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. She sits down on the floor next to the bathtub, leans forward and puts on the water. Hot steaming water comes out of the tap in a waterfall. The sound is calming and somehow beautiful to listen to. Ashe closes her eyes and listens to the water as the bathtub is being filled with water. In the end, Ashe undresses herself from all the clothes, still sitting on the cold floor. With a With a heavy movement, Ashe slowly stands up and goes down into the bathtub with weakness. The water is hot, scorching hot against her body. Ashe makes a face, the wounds stings for a second as the hot water touches the wounds. But quickly the feeling subsides and everything becomes calm and nice. The silence takes over completely and Ashe closes her eyes as she leans back.

"Finally", Ashe whispers and breathes calmly as the pain takes over within her. "Finally some pain, something to feel. Something that can still my f****d up mind."

.

The sun soon up as Ashe stumble into her bedroom again. Her while body is tired and off, as she fell asleep in the bathtub. Sad that she didn't... Fall down in the water with her head.

Tired, Ashe opens the closet and takes out a pair of underwear and a big black hoodie. Tiresome, she goes to the bed and changes clumsily but quickly the bedding. Without caring about the time, she crawls into bed and closes her eyes to fall asleep again.

"Hey, you have to wake up honey. You will miss school", Ashe hears her father say while his his hand lies on her shoulder. Slowly Ashe wakes up and looks wearily at Ian.

"I don't feel so well dad, please can I stay home today?" Ashe asks his father and looks at him tiring. Ian looks at her slowly and smiles sadly.

"Okay Ashe, sleep a little bit more and come down to eat something. Okay? I'm going to work soon. Take care and eat something!" Ian answers and kisses Ashe on the forehead before he goes out and leaves the room. With a sigh, Ashe turns back again and closes her eyes, shortly afterwards she falls asleep again.

.

The sun shines through the curtain that hits Ashe's face. Slowly Ashe wakes up and turns on her back in bed. She stretches and opens her eyes. After resting awake on the bed for a while, Ashe sits up on the edge of the bed. She feels the cold from the floor on her toes. She stands up but she's forced to sit down again when the dizziness hits her hard. God... After a while, Ashe tries again as she pulls up her sleeve on the hoodie. Her wounds are bloody again. With a sigh, she walks out from the room and goes back to the bathroom. She goes to the sink and puts on the water, lowers her arm under the water and red water colors the white sink. For a brief moment she laughs while the water washes away last of the blood from her arm. She reaches for a box on one of the shelves. Clumsily she opens the box with one hand and takes out a bandage. When all the blood is gone, she wipes her arm quickly with a towel and takes the bandage. She quickly rolls around the bandage on her arm to prevent more blood from ending up on her clothes. Before leaving the bathroom, she takes off her hoodie and throws it in the laundry. Ashe goes back to the room and looks for a new hoodie, she puts the hoodie on, a gray hoodie and the same size. It is warm and comfortable, and feels safe.

She goes to the small black table beside her bed and puts on her phone to check what time it is. It turns out, the clock is already 3 pm. She puts the phone in her pocket and walks out from the room and down the stairs to the kitchen. She opens the refrigerator and checks what is available. To her surprise, Ashe sees a box of sushi in the fridge and she smiles.

"Thank you dad", she says, even if he doesn't hear, while she takes out the box of sushi. She places the sushi on the table next to a pair of chopsticks and takes a glass and fills it with water. Ashe takes the sushi and the glass and goes to the living room, sits down and turns on the TV. She turns on Netflix and puts on New Amsterdam.

She opens the sushi, prepares the chopsticks and opens the jar with soy. Ashe takes a salmon sushi and dips it in the soy. She enjoys the taste in her mouth and smiles.

The phone rings and she checks it and sees a message from Ian.

Hey dear! How are you feeling? Did you find the sushi? Hug, dad

Hey dad, thank you do much! I really needed that. Hope your day is good and good luck at work, see you later! Hug, your daughter

Without warning, Jess pops into her head. She smiles again, of the thought that she didn't need to meet him today. But for some reason she goes on i********: and tries to find him. And with luck, she does, but with another name. Wow, how can he be so beautiful? she thinks for a second but shakes off the thought.

"So what, his name is Jackson??" she asks confused. "And how tff, can he have 475k followers?! Is he famous or what?" Ashe keeps scrolling through his posts and all she can think about is that he is handsome and his posts are wonderfully beautiful. "He's a model... Hmm." She especially clings to one of the pictures, it's him and a bostonterrier. So cute. Without even knowing, a heart appears in the picture.

"Noo, nooo, noo, f**k!" The panic hits her and the thought that he will soon see that she just stalked him on i********:. And not only that, he will see her i********:! "Damn it!" She quickly walks out of i********: and puts the phone on the table. She starts New Amsterdam and tries to concentrate on the series and the sushi. But not long after, the phone rings again. She leans forward and sees his i********: and realizes that he has already seen. Ashe reads the note over and over. You have a new follower, she repeats in her head.

"Oh god..." A new message appears on the screen, a message from Jess on Instagram...