unknown fate

Opening Chapter Abdelrahman is talking to himself as he drives the train, whispering his thoughts. “I’m driving the train now… I’ll reach the station soon. What’s left of my salary are just a few pounds, barely enough for a couple of days… Here comes the station, getting closer… And my cigarettes are finished too… What time is it now? Twelve midnight… I’m late, this is exactly my arrival time inside the station… Let me increase the speed a little… Did you forget you’re just a sweeper, Abdelrahman? Five kilometers left and I’ll enter the station… First thing when I get back, I’ll buy a bottle to ease the burden a little… What’s wrong with the brakes? Too stiff, the pressure’s weak… you need maintenance, sweeper… Don’t stop now, it’s almost done… Finally, I’ve arrived. Feels like the trip was endless… The sky is heavy with water, looks like it’s going to rain… Where’s the jacket? Passengers are gone, time to grind the sweeper… Here’s the jacket… Come here, it’s cold… Where did this cigarette come from? Must’ve left it in the jacket pocket… How much is this? 500… good. I’ll get a bottle for 200 and keep 300. What will I do with them? Damn the kids and whoever brought them into this world… Death would’ve been easier… Train’s grinded, time to leave… I knew it was going to rain… Go inside, Abdelrahman… Mina’s shop is lit, thank God you’re open, if I found you closed, tonight would’ve been hell… Give me one of those bottles I usually take, Mina… Should I open it now or wait until I get home? Better open it now, talk to the bottle instead of talking to myself… Zeinab and the kids must be asleep by now… Strong, burning, bitter taste, but it hit my head straight away… And now what, Abdelrahman? Tomorrow is your last day at work, you’ll retire… If today is the end of the month and you’ve only got 300 pounds left, what will you do when your pension comes, half your salary? If tomorrow never comes… Zeinab and the kids asleep as always… it’s been years since I last saw them awake. I come when they’re sleeping, leave when they’re sleeping… How much is left in you? Good… I’ll finish you in the morning, my darling. Whoever invented alcohol deserves a place in Guinness… a great invention. ‘You’re a model employee, Abdelrahman. You served your time well. We all respect and appreciate you.’ Thank you, sir… And now you’re retired, Abdelrahman… the day you dreaded has finally arrived… Everyone prepared for this day, except you… --- “From the first month of retirement, debts started piling up… House rent, children’s expenses, food and drink… where do I get the money? Zeinab can’t even look at me anymore, and honestly, I can’t look at her either… but she’s right, after all. I’m home all the time, and the pension is useless… Are you going to keep talking to yourself, Abdelrahman? Go get another bottle… I’m coming, Zeinab, where else can I go… It’s midnight… are you still awake? Go to sleep, Zeinab, sleep… Since I retired, she’s been in my face all the time. I’m sick of her, and she’s sick of me… And yet, before, you used to complain that she was always asleep… Drink, Abdelrahman… Another bottle, Mina… Now it’s raining… thank you… If this house doesn’t collapse on the kids, they’ll drown in the rainwater… Winter has become unbearable because of this damned house… Drink, Abdelrahman, drink… I hope Zeinab has fallen asleep, so she won’t nag me again about the unpaid rent, expenses, and debts… Aren’t you going to stop talking to yourself, Abdelrahman? Anyone else in my place would’ve ended up in the mental asylum by now… five kids and their mother… You did this to yourself, spent your youth in the job… And still, you shouldn’t have had so many children… It’s all Zeinab’s fault… that’s how Upper Egyptians are, they love having many children… I told her, ‘Enough after Emam’… she said, ‘He needs a sibling’… then came Hossam… I told her again, ‘Enough’… she said, ‘I want a girl’… then came Hanan… I said, ‘Let’s stop here, don’t leave the girl alone’… then came Gharam… No excuse left… what could I do, keep the girl locked in her mother’s womb? That’s what happened, Abdelrahman… and if you don’t like it, take it up with her… And she sealed it with Alaa, saying, ‘It was a mistake’…” --- Abdelrahman opens the door, drenched from the rain, holding his bottle of liquor. He tiptoes inside, afraid to wake anyone up. He sits on the chair, lights a cigarette, listens to the rain pounding louder. Zeinab comes out of her room and sits in front of him.