CHAPTER 1
CAROLINE'S POINT OF VIEW
Are you entirely sure about selling your eggs?
The doctor kept his eyes on the medical folder on his desk.
His voice sounded quiet and level, like he was discussing the daily weather.
I stared down at the large stack of forms resting on the slick wood.
My fingers shook so hard I could barely grip the cheap plastic pen.
I did not want to be sitting in this small room.
This was never the path I had envisioned for my life.
My phone vibrated against my hip inside my denim pocket.
I knew exactly what the message said without pulling the device out.
If you do not pay within three days, your aunt will not get her operation.
Three days was all the time the hospital administrators gave me.
I did not even have enough cash to buy groceries for the upcoming week.
I let out a long breath and forced the phone deeper into my pocket.
Aunt Margaret had medical bills piling up higher than I could count.
The clinic staff made it clear they would not wait for me to find a solution.
No, I whispered into the quiet space of the room.
I am really not sure about doing this at all.
The doctor raised his head and his expression seemed to soften a bit.
You do not have to sign those papers today, he told me.
There is still time for you to walk away from this procedure.
Delancey sat right next to me and shifted forward in her vinyl chair.
Caroline, we went over this last night, Delancey said.
You know you have already tried every other possible option.
This is the only way you can get that amount of cash so quickly.
I turned my head to look at the woman beside me.
Delancey was the closest thing to a real sister I had ever known.
She was always standing by my side when everyone else walked away.
She was the one who found this specific private medical clinic.
A tiny part of my mind resented her for pointing me in this direction.
But I felt a much deeper hatred for myself for actually agreeing to it.
I looked back down at the lines on the white paper.
A heavy lump formed in my throat and made it hard to breathe.
The pale face of Aunt Margaret filled my mind.
She looked so weak and exhausted the last time I saw her.
She took me into her home when no one else wanted me around.
She protected me when my entire life was falling apart.
I could not sit back and watch her condition get worse.
I do not have any other choice, I said.
My hand started moving across the page like it belonged to someone else.
I traced my signature on the bottom line before I could stop myself.
An hour later, I walked out of the clinic doors.
My fingers tightly gripped a thick paper envelope filled with cash.
My body felt deep aches that I had not prepared myself to feel.
A strange sensation of emptiness washed over my entire chest.
It felt like I had dropped a heavy sack of rocks from my shoulders.
Yet I also knew my physical self would never feel the same again.
I forced those complicated thoughts out of my mind right away.
I had to focus on the immediate emergency at hand.
My feet moved quickly as I entered the main hospital lobby.
I slid the stack of bills across the counter to the woman at the desk.
My palms were sweating because I feared she would tell me it was too small.
The receptionist simply counted the money and picked up a heavy stamp.
She pressed it down hard onto the white intake sheet.
We will schedule the medical team to start the procedure right now, she said.
I stepped out of the giant glass doors of the hospital building.
The tight knot that had gripped my lungs for weeks finally came undone.
I stood on the concrete sidewalk and let the warm air fill my chest.
Tears pricked my eyes but I refused to let them fall down my face.
Aunt Margaret was going to receive the medical care she deserved.
For the first time in months, I had actually succeeded at something.
Later that evening, my phone began to vibrate on the kitchen table.
I walked over and saw the name Matthew flashing across the bright screen.
He was my boyfriend, or perhaps he was already my former boyfriend.
You actually went through with selling your eggs, Matthew barked.
His voice sounded incredibly loud and sharp through the speaker.
Matthew, please listen to me for one second, I started to explain.
He did not let me finish my sentence before he started shouting again.
You refused to take our relationship to that level, he yelled.
Yet you are perfectly willing to do this disgusting thing for money.
We are completely finished, Caroline.
Hold on a second, I said as my mind began to spin.
How did you even find out about my medical appointment?
Have you been following me around or spying on my movements?
Does that even matter right now? Matthew screamed back.
You just proved to me how completely worthless you are as a person.
I cannot waste my time with someone who has no future.
Hearing him call me useless did not break my spirit.
What truly cut deep was how those words echoed my own dark thoughts.
They reminded me of a family history I spent years trying to escape.
I bit my lip to keep the tears from spilling over.
I checked the hallway to ensure no one was watching me cry.
I especially did not want Delancey to see me like this.
If she found out what he said, she would hunt him down.
She would make him regret every single word he spoke to me.
Are you even listening to what I am telling you? Matthew demanded.
The silence on the line was heavy and suffocating.
I kept my mouth shut because there was nothing left to explain.
Was I supposed to beg for his forgiveness for trying to save a life?
Was I supposed to uncover my past just to make him understand?
No, I decided right then.
I had far more critical problems to solve than a selfish boyfriend. He could not comprehend the reality of my daily survival.
You are completely impossible to live with, Caroline, he had told me once.
All you ever think about is working extra shifts at your job.
No decent man is ever going to put up with your attitude.
Maybe his cruel words held a tiny grain of truth.
Maybe regular people would never truly understand my choices.
But I knew exactly why I had to do these things.
I tapped the screen to delete his contact information forever.
I slid the device into my pocket and walked toward the bedroom. He was no longer worth a single ounce of my energy.
An hour later, I sat on a hard chair by Aunt Margaret's bed.
The harsh fluorescent lights showed how thin her face had become.
A tiny bit of natural color was finally returning to her skin.
When you get out of here, I whispered while holding her cold fingers.
Will you please promise me to finally give up the bottles?
Her eyes grew glossy with unshed tears as she looked up at me.
I will try my best for you, Caroline, she murmured softly.
No, I said while slowly shaking my head from side to side.
Do not just tell me that you will try your best this time.
I really need you to completely stop drinking for good.
She turned her face toward the window and remained silent.
I knew how incredibly difficult that journey would be for her.
But seeing her look so fragile broke something deep inside me.
I could not handle the thought of losing her to her addiction.
For the first time in a very long while, a tiny light of hope appeared.
Perhaps our small family could actually find a way to recover.
Perhaps we could both find a way to heal our old wounds.
Two whole months passed by rather quickly after that difficult night.
Our daily circumstances actually started to look much better.
Aunt Margaret was showing steady improvement each passing week.
She regularly attended her local support groups and stayed sober.
I truly believed we had finally broken the terrible cycle.
Then the entire world seemed to drop out from beneath my feet.
I opened my mobile banking application late one Thursday evening.
I expected to see the small emergency fund I had carefully built.
Instead, the screen displayed a balance of zero dollars.
Zero dollars and zero cents, I whispered into the quiet room.
I hit the refresh button at least ten times in a row.
The numbers on the bright screen refused to change.
My hands shook as I dialed the customer service number for the bank.
I demanded to know where my hard-earned savings had gone.
I am looking at the transaction history right now, the woman said.
The primary account holder made a cash withdrawal at a branch yesterday.
I felt a cold sensation wash down my spine.
But I am the primary account holder, I told her.
I was working a double shift at my job all day yesterday.
Is it possible another family member has access to your pin number?
A single name immediately popped into my mind.
Uncle Barnaby was the only other person who knew my details.
I ended the call and immediately dialed his personal cell phone.
I did not think he would actually pick up my call.
To my complete surprise, his rough voice answered after three rings.
Uncle Barnaby, you took every single dollar from my account, didn't you?
The line remained completely silent for several agonizing seconds.
Then a low, bitter laugh came through the small speaker.
I had a really terrible run at the poker tables last night, Caroline.
I will absolutely pay you back the full amount next week.
Pay me back? I screamed into the empty apartment.
That specific money was meant for Aunt Margaret's medical treatments.
How could you steal from your own sick sister?
Just calm yourself down, little girl, he muttered in a defensive tone.
You are smart and you always find a way to clear these hurdles.
The line went completely dead before I could speak another word.
He hung up the phone without an ounce of regret.
I tried to call him back four times but he rejected each attempt.
My chest felt so tight it became painful to draw a breath.
I buried my face in my open palms and sobbed loudly.
My entire existence felt like a loop of fixing broken things.
Every time I built a stable foundation, a relative ruined it.
Why did I keep fighting so hard for people who did not care?
Why did I let them drag me down into the mud over and over again?
Caroline?
I raised my head and saw Delancey standing by the front door.
Her eyes were wide with deep worry and confusion.
Seeing her kind expression made my tears flow even faster.
I cannot keep doing this anymore, I choked out through my tears.
I cannot keep clean up after their terrible mistakes.
I just cannot carry this heavy load by myself anymore.
Hey, please look at me, Delancey said while crossing the floor.
She sat down on the edge of the old cushion right beside me.
Everything is going to turn out fine in the end, Caroline.
We will find a creative solution to this problem like we always do.
Those exact words made me shudder inside.
They sounded exactly like the dismissive excuse Uncle Barnaby used.
I shook my head because I could not accept that empty comfort.
We cannot fix this specific mess, Delancey.
There is absolutely no way out of this situation this time.
Delancey remained quiet until my breathing slowed down.
She rubbed my back in slow circles until the crying stopped.
Caroline, she started while keeping her voice very low.
Can I ask you a rather personal question right now?
I wrinkled my forehead and looked at her sideways.
What exactly are you trying to ask me?
Have you noticed anything unusual happening with your body lately?
I did not understand why she was bringing up my physical health.
What do you mean by unusual? I asked.
Like, have you felt completely exhausted or sick to your stomach?
Has anything felt different inside you over the past few weeks?
I thought back over the days of the past month.
I have been dragging myself through my work shifts, I admitted.
But I figured that was just from working fifty hours a week.
My monthly cycle is also late by about four weeks now.
The paperwork said that was a typical result of the egg retrieval.
Delancey's face went completely pale in the dim light of the room.
A look of pure panic flashed across her green eyes.
What is going on? I asked as my stomach twisted into a knot.
What are you not telling me right now, Delancey?
She did not offer a verbal answer to my question.
Instead, she reached deep into her leather jacket pocket.
She pulled out a small plastic object and held it out to me.
It was a standard medical pregnancy test from the drug store.
My heart literally stopped beating for a second.
Take this right now, she commanded in a sharp whisper.
Go into the bathroom and use it immediately, Caroline.
What are you talking about? I stammered while backing away.
That scenario is completely impossible for me.
I have not been with anyone since Matthew and we were careful.
Just go take the test right now, Caroline, she pleaded.
Please do this for me so we can know for sure.
I took the small plastic stick from her trembling fingers.
I absolutely hated how this night was turning upside down.
I gave her one last confused look before turning toward the hallway.
I walked into the small bathroom and clicked the lock into place.
My fingers shook violently as I tore the plastic wrapper open.
The whole situation felt completely ridiculous and impossible.
There was no physical way a baby could be growing inside me.
I set the white stick down on the counter and waited.
The minutes felt like hours as the liquid moved across the window.
When the final markings appeared, my entire reality shattered.
Two bright pink lines stared back at me in the harsh light.
The test result was undeniably positive.
How could I possibly be pregnant right now?
Who is the father of this child if I have been alone?
What am I going to do if the clinic made a terrible error during my procedure?