The Rival (Censored)

Chapter 18

Chen

I couldn’t stop thinking about Alex when I came home. “Yoon Residence,” I murmured, entered the kitchen, and placed the bottles of beer on the table that I had purchased.

What was he thinking about as he approached the massive gate? What was the name of the old lady? Is she aware of anything about Alex?

Since we first met in university, I haven’t seen him so depressed in all my years of knowing him.

Most of the time, he appears cool, aloof, and detached, as if he is only concerned with himself and the band. He couldn’t care less about the bitter rivalry that exists between our bands.

After all, he may be a warm and caring person underneath it all.

If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t stay up all night to babysit—or even kiss—the person he despises.

Me.

Regardless, he did. People only see him through the mask he has constructed. But, deep inside, I want to see the genuine guy whenever I see him thinking intently in front of that house.

I couldn’t help but smile as I walked into the kitchen to get my bento. My bandmates and I decided to come here and have a wonderful time.

After I finished designing the prettiest bento, I remembered Alex all of a sudden.

“So, you’re pretending to be a kind, angelic person singing love songs in front of everyone, huh? Yet, you’re hooking up hundreds of girls and acting like a jerk,” Jun once told me.

I shivered as I took out my phone and dialed the numbers of my bandmates.

“Hey, Jun. Everything is in place. Just bring the guys here. I’ve got food and beverages ready.” My excitement had suddenly waned. “What? Will you not come here? But why is that? You said—” I inhaled and exhaled, my knuckles clenched to contain my rage. “All right, it’s OK.”

After I finished off the phone, I lifted the large wooden dish facing the small table with the beer bottles. My heart was racing and my eyes were widening. Sweat began to moisten my skin and the bento I had prepared earlier was thrown with considerable force.

I screamed as I kicked the tiny table and tossed the bottles to the side.

“You’re done!”

For an hour, my unbridled wrath was too much to bear. My cheeks heated, and the veins in my neck became prominent as if they could explode at any moment.

I went to my secret dark area concealed behind the wall of strange cuisine paintings to satisfy my pain appetite.

Taking them one by one with my trembling hands, I unlocked the knob and opened it to reveal the space with only a dark red light installed with the human punching bag in the far corner.

I yelled my lungs out while throwing punches at the punching bag until I couldn’t raise both of my arms anymore from weariness.

Then, I lay down on the floor, panting and extending my arms to inspect my knuckles, which were now blanketed in blood.

I walked out of the room, dripping in sweat, and began cleaning the house. Only a few of them broke, while several onigiris remained whole and clean on the wooden platter. I dumped the ones that were damaged in the trash.

Feeling uncertain about what I did, I stood in front of the mirror and combed my hair with my fingers while taking a cold shower for the following hour to calm and relax my nerves.

I think I’m going insane.

I rubbed my palm against the frosty mirror and saw myself and my eyes in tears, which had become bloodshot and teary-eyed.

My eyebrows knitted, confused as to what was going on lately.

“What’s going with you, man?” Jun sputtered. His eyes widened. His hands were on his waist. He walked toward me and grabbed my shoulder, shaking me a little bit to wake me up to my senses. “Is there’s something I should know, Chen?”

After I exhaled a sigh, I couldn’t look him in the eye and kept averting my gaze to the other direction. I shoved his hand on my shoulder and walked to where I placed the guitar.

“You’re acting weird these days, Chen. And I kept wondering why.”

I wasn’t in the right mind to say something.

As he said, there must be something that has kept me driven to act unusually. I don’t know what that is. So, I refused to answer him back; rather, I grabbed my guitar, and placed it in its bag, trying to dismiss Jun’s attention and ignore what he had said.

He let out an exasperated sigh and tucked it inside his pockets. He pressed his lips before he said something that got my attention. “Is this about Alex?”

Without a thought, I flicked my head and looked at him, slowly pulling myself up with the guitar in my hand. I didn’t know what he saw on my face, but the way he reacted made him cluck and shake his head.

He scoffed and his eyes widened, dumbfounded by what he just knew and realized.

“Don’t tell me…” He shook his head. “No way, man. Are you guys…” With his eyebrows furrowed, he muzzled his mouth and turned while glancing at me.

After I finished showering, I found myself looking at the phone, wondering if I could see that bastard’s name on the screen.

With my sleeping clothes on, I jumped on the bed with my hands at the back of my head while staring at the ceiling.

I pulled myself up and scratched my hair, annoyed by this unusual feeling since Jun’s confrontation.

Anxious, I bit my lip while thinking whether I should call that bastard at this hour or not.

Minutes passed, and I sighed. “f**k it.”

I stood up and grabbed my phone and dialed Alex’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hey! How are you doing?”

Although I reacted hastily, he was not. Something must be awry, according to his strained voice.

“Is there a problem, Alex?”

“Can you just phone your bandmates? Why are you phoning me at this hour?”

“Fool, it’s still early. It’s also frigid. So, a drink would be fantastic. What would I do with these beer bottles? I tried calling my bandmates, but they were all booked.”

“Drink on your own.”

“No, I’d like to share a drink with you. I don’t like to consume these beer bottles by myself. I’ll just chuck everything out of my sight if you don’t arrive. That’s alright with me. Anyway, I’m always alone and no one seems to care about me. Even my bandmates were uninterested in visiting me. I’m so lonely… I’m so alone.”

“However, you only met them today. Are you a f*****g i***t?”

For a little moment, he refused to respond. His silence only reaffirmed my suspicion that he wasn’t feeling well following his visit.

“I’d like to offer you something to drink. I’m sure you’re in desperate need of it right now. You appear to be depressed.”

“Whatever.” He moaned, and the background hum in his room sounded like he was packing things.

“Let’s get together at my place.”

Alex didn’t say anything when he hung up the phone.

As bizarre as it may sound, his usual icy manner has begun to pique my interest, and I acquired a boner whenever I caught a peek of him playing hard to get.

Assuming he was coming, I pulled myself up and got ready. I strolled over to the tiny table full of food and drinks, brushing my hair with my hands.

I went to my little studio to finish the setup and play music before I turned to go to the door after hearing the knocks while scanning my entire apartment to make sure everything was in perfect order.

When I felt ready, I opened the door without reading the tune and observed Alex’s swollen eyes and tired appearance.

But when he heard a piece of sexy music playing in the background, his brows wrinkled. “You’re funny, Chen.”

Though I could see he smiled, I noticed his bloodshot and puffy eyes, which made Alex look different today. That made me wonder what happened in that house since I remembered seeing him standing in front of what appeared to be his family home.

A surge of wind jolted me awake, and I realized what had been going on. I cast a short peek in the direction of my studio before returning my gaze to him.

“Hey, Alex. I…” I stuttered and released a soft groan, my palm wiping my face as I stared at him. “I’m genuinely sorry, I didn’t intend to—” I shook my head once more. “Please accept my apologies, Alex.”

“What? Why are you apologizing?”

He sighed as he looked down. Then, he lifted his head to look at me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to offend you; perhaps, it’s just, I’m not sure,” he paused and stared at me once more, “Do you mind if I stay with you tonight?”

My eyes widened in delight. I was taken aback by his remarkable candor and openness.

Do you mind if I stay with you tonight?

“Of course, if you want to.”

He gave a kind smile. “Can you let me in?”

I returned the smile. “Of course.”

As he entered my apartment with a stunned expression on his face, I stood aside.

He was facing the studio where I was playing the music when I looked at him.

I dashed to the studio, embarrassed, and turned off the music.

“I’m sorry, Alex. I hope you weren’t offended.”

“No, I know that I may have disrupted something. So, it’s all right.”

He took a few steps over to my couch and sat there in silence for a few minutes.

He may not have known he had been deep in contemplation for quite sometime after standing by my door, and he has not spoken to me since he arrived.

“You appear to be having a rough day.”

He sat on the couch, face down, and remained silent. Tonight, he seemed unusually quiet.

I leaned in close enough to put my hand on his shoulder.

I didn’t seem to be able to do anything at this point. As a result, I decided to let it go and let him do as he pleased. I took a seat next to him and opened a bottle of beer.

“What’s the matter with you? You’re behaving strangely right now.”

His tears began to pool around his eyes. I glanced at him, taken aback.

“I returned.”

“Where from?” I tried not to make it obvious that I already knew where he went before. But I still wanted to ask that question for a bet—whether he would tell me about it or not.

I opened another bottle with my gaze fixed on him before returning to the bottle.

“At my old residence.”

“Oh, so you’ve got a home. So, what did you do over there?”

I drank from the bottle while keeping an eye on him, who was reclining against the couch.

“I went to see my old house.”

“Then, what happened?”

He let out an exasperated sigh. “Then, I saw our old maid, who used to look after me when I was a child. It took a lot of guts for me to walk through the fence and into the house.”

He downed the entire bottle before reaching for another.

I took it from his grip and opened it for him before handing it over to him.

After receiving the bottle, he expressed his gratitude by saying, “Thank you.”

“What made you feel that way about the old house? Shouldn’t you be excited?” I leaned to the side to get a good look at his face, frowning and flushed from becoming intoxicated.

“For me, that house held a lot of sad memories. For the four of us, that house was once a happy home with my father, mother, and sister.”

I decided to remain silent and wait which kept me wondering about how we’ve become.

In my head, he has always been—and always will be the person I never wanted to hang out with.

But, deep down, I started to feel different for him. Something has started to bloom inside me.

Why was he revealing these details to me in the first place?

He isn’t supposed to reveal information about himself to someone like me. He shouldn’t be doing that. Unless…

“How can such a joyful home become so sad? So sad that you can’t remember the good times? I spent so much time there with the people that meant the most to me, and then everything changed. Chen, I’m not sure why my family has turned out the way it has.”

When I heard him call my name, I almost yanked in response which bewildered me.

That reminded me of Henry, his bandmate and long-time friend, who had previously told me about Alex when he noticed I was staring at his friend.

“You know, Chen, Alex isn’t the type of guy who will open up about his personal life,” Henry explained as he tapped my shoulder. He looked at me with a smile.

However, the way he looked at me seemed to have an underlying message. Henry looked at me as if he wanted assurance that Alex would be safe with me, regardless of what was going on between us.

“I know this isn’t something he would do, but… What does it mean if he does share things with me?”

He sighed and turned his head to look at Alex talking with the other band members and the student council staff.

“He likes you… and he rarely does that.”

Henry squeezed my shoulder before he let go and walked away, approaching the others with loud attention.

They welcomed him with a loud chant, inviting others to increase their spirits while preparing for the event.

My stomach twisted and my throat constricted at the same time.

When I looked at him from this angle for the first time in my life, I felt odd.

I had no idea he was that damn attractive.

I sighed, enjoying his looks while trying to concentrate on what he was going to say next.

“After middle school, I moved to the US to finish my education. Most of the time, I was depressed and lonely. I’d like to return to see my family, especially my sister, but I won’t be able to,” Alex explained before he took a breather to drink his beer and continued telling his story. “My parents also forbade me from returning. After five years, though, I insisted on returning to see my family. Everything had shifted. My parents were adamant about not speaking to me. They didn’t even greet me when I returned. My sister became very attached to me. It was chaos.”

“I see.” I took a sip and turned to face him while trying not to get distracted, looking at his lips. I gulped as soon as my eyes landed around them.

And then, when we exchanged gazes, I had weird feelings—a mix of emotions.

Before my gaze landed on his face, he was staring at me as if he were my prey waiting to be subdued. My entire body trembled as if my heart might cease hammering. I couldn’t take a breath.

What’s the matter with me?

“Did you inquire as to why?”

“No.” Alex averted his gaze and shook his head.

“Did you try to figure it out?”

“I did.”

After feeling relieved from the brief weird experience, I was almost stuttering.

With trepidation, I c****d my head to look at him only to discover that he was staring directly into my eyes with intensity.

“Why are you looking at me like that, Alex?”

To relieve the strain, I swallowed and took a deep breath before quietly sighing. I came to a standstill just as I turned away to grab another bottle placed on the table.

“That kiss,” he remarked, looking off into the distance while clutching his beer bottle, before turning to face me and continuing, “Our kiss was a big deal for me. I never thought to find myself taking that personally.”

When I heard him saying it, my chest felt tight and I couldn’t breathe properly. My gut felt twisted, too.

While I kept staring at the bottles of beer, I tried to keep myself composed and calm down. Yet, the more I stared at them, the more I was losing control of myself.

“Is this still part of the plan? You told me to help the student council by giving you more affection, which I did. And now, what have you done to me? I never had this feeling before. How come I can’t seem to get over it?”

I let out a soft sigh and was unable to have the balls to look at him.

Alex hesitated again, banged his back against the couch, and drank his beer while looking away. He shook his head and returned his gaze to me.

“How about you, Chen? How do you feel about everything?” He scoffed. “I guess this isn’t a problem for you at all because this isn’t new to you, I guess.”

My brows furrowed and my pupils dilated while I listened to what he was telling me. “Why do you think so?”

“You’re surrounded by women all the time. You often escape practices to meet with them. Come on, everybody knows that.” He stared at me and hissed. “Although I don’t talk so much, I observe, and when I observe things like that, how could I not miss that about you, scumbag?”

As if my soul had left my body, I couldn’t think of anything to say. My heart began to pound, and I snorted and turned away. The only thing I did was to let out a soft laugh, admitting he was right.

Before I could take another bottle, our gazes were locked, and silence reigned.

What caught me off-guard was when he said, “Look. I never questioned my identity until you started this game. And now, we’re both in this f*****g weird situation. So… let me ask you straight. Do you love me, Chen?”

At that moment, it felt like time stopped for me. I couldn’t turn my head to avoid looking at him, yet, there I was stuck, locked upon his gaze.

How could he ask that question so easily as if the word “love” wasn’t a big deal?

“Well, you don’t have to answer me right now. I understand that you weren’t prepared for it. I just wanted to ask you that in advance to clear things out about us…. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page, Chen.” Alex cleared his throat and pulled himself without letting go of our eye contact.

Despite what he said, his looks became more intense as he awaited my response.

“What if I said yes, what will you do about it?” I stared at him, rolling my eyes while letting out a sigh. “Nothing, right? Anyway, I’ll get some more drinks.”

But when I was about to stand to fetch a few more drinks from the dining table, he grabbed my shoulder and shoved me down.

“Alex,” I whispered as he crawled on top of me after pinning me down on the couch.

While Alex was on top of me, he drew himself closer to me and began rubbing his fingers across my face, tracing every inch of it.

I looked up at his face as he drew himself closer to me than before, begging for forgiveness, yet, resisting the impulse.

I squinted and averted my gaze. My chin was gripped by his hand, forcing me to gaze at him.

His warm fingers energized me, sending a tingling and addictive sensation through my body.

My ears were tickled by his rich voice as he groaned.

There’s no way I’m going to be able to stop this.

Alex cradled my face with his fingers, his gaze fixed on me.

I bit my lower lip as I tried to get away from him by moving centimeter by centimeter.

He crept up higher until I was lying back on the couch, my head resting on the armrest.

My gaze was fixed on his face, and I was on the verge of passing out in denial of what was happening.

As his mouth neared my ears, he drew his face closer to mine and brushed my hair backward with his hands and raised his head to gaze at me.

He placed himself against my neck, tilting his head towards it and giving it a quick smooch.

I took a deep breath and shuddered, screaming in my head, wanting to get out. But my body was gradually giving in to him, and I couldn’t stand up to him any longer.

“Why do you want to do this, Alex?”

His cheeks were flushed scarlet, and he trembled all over. He stayed deafeningly silent, leaving me gasping for air. “You wanted me to be more affectionate to you. right? So, what’s the problem now?”

At that moment, I suddenly remembered what Jun told me before.

“How would you feel if you were in their shoes? What if the person you care about treats you like a toy and breaks your heart as you do to these women?”

“Shh. Let’s stop playing around now, Chen. We both know what we want,” Alex whispered.

“I never expected this side of you, Alex.”

I wanted to give in to the temptation the more I looked at him but there was a little bit more resistance.

It was until he started tracing my upper lip with his hand and then with his tongue. When I felt his invitation, I couldn’t think straight anymore.

At that point, I decided to let go and see where this could go. Besides, I didn’t want to miss it because it felt so good.

My hand appeared to take on a life of its own at that moment, crawling to the back of his neck and tugging him closer.

Even though I had no intention of kissing him and that bringing him closer was a provocation, he took the initiative and leaned out and locked his lips with mine—warm, soft, and delicious.

He drew himself back a little, licking his bottom lip, and those seductive gazes from his zircon-colored eyes took my breath away.

He pressed his lips to mine and pushed me back onto the couch, inviting me to a more passionate kiss.

As Alex pulled himself away and licked his lips, panting, he didn’t have second thoughts about cradling my face in his hands while he leaned his chest towards me.

“We both know we’re in a weird situation, right now, Chen. It started when you asked me to show more affection to you. Now, I couldn’t help myself. And I’m sorry.”

His fingers ran down my neck and onto my stomach. It was as though he was trying to fulfill his hunger as his touches were passionate.

No matter how much I tried to resist it, I couldn’t help myself anymore. So, I responded to his scorching, explosive kisses by gripping his face with my hands without hesitation.

While our lips were locked, our hands began to explore.

My hands moved over his neck and down to his buttocks as I crept along his back.

He did the same, tightening his grip on my face before moving down to my chest and squeezing my n*****s.

When I got a painful sensation, I groaned.

When his tongue crawled for an invitation, the tension rose much more.

I reacted without hesitation until he removed his polo shirt, showing his slender, well-sculpted torso.

As Alex crushed his lips to me again, he snatched my shirt and tossed it on the floor.

“f**k you, Alex,” I whispered, pushing him back a little, so I could get a good look at him on top of me.

Instead of answering me back, he let out a teasing smile. s**t.

We’re both sweating profusely and panting.

As we kissed again, we were both flushed red and visibly excited.

It felt different this time, as our chests pressed together, creating incredible friction and turning us excited. Our touches became more intense as we desired more.

“For what are you saying sorry for?”

He refused to answer my inquiry and shook his head instead. Despite his efforts to lie, Alex’s bloodshot eyes couldn’t.

As I looked at him in such a distraught fashion, the more I felt the pain he must have been carrying. I felt as if he was reaching out to me because everything has been unbearable to him.

When I realized that, I felt a punch in my gut, and it became more intense the more I watched him sobbing. Feeling remorseful, I found myself grabbing his hands which were covering his face.

“I don’t know what’s bothering you right now, Alex. If you feel like this isn’t right, well, me, too. I have always felt guilty for wanting to feel and taste you. But… it’s alright. I like it.”

Whatever has caused me to reach his face and kissed his lips again. Although it felt wrong, whenever our lips meet, we kept craving our thirst for each other.

What I was seeing was the side of Alex that nobody has ever seen.

Despite his detached demeanor, he has an untamed, hard-hitting attitude hidden underneath.

“Alex, you’re a jerk,” I whispered, panting, while my hands were on his chest, and my body arched to reach his face.

Without saying a word, Alex pulled himself closer.

I closed my eyes and arched my back as he reached my lips to kiss him again.