The Rival (Censored)

Chapter 20

Chen

“Forget about what happened last night and what I said last night,” Alex insisted.

“Do you think you’re crazy? f**k you, I can’t believe you’re telling me this,” I paused and turned my head, unsure of how to respond to what he’d just said. “Alex, how dare you?” It was all I could manage to say, even though I was furious.

His brows wrinkled and his right brow rose as he turned to face me. He stood there in front of me with his arms crossed, groaned exasperatedly, and then turned and walked towards the door before I could react to what had just unfolded.

“Alex, why are you torturing me like this? Do you despise me that much?” I lifted both hands in surrender and moved closer to him by following his steps. I struggled to maintain my cool as my eyes become bloodshot. “You win if this is a payback for whatever problems I caused you.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks and landed on the ground, yet, his puzzled expression remained.

I burst out laughing when I realized Jun’s prophecy came true.

Alex, on the other hand, remained silent and unaffected.

Though I looked stupid, I pulled myself together and managed to stand in front of him with my arms up in surrender.

“Look. I know you despise me for a variety of reasons. I’m well aware that I’m the one who started it all. It’s all because of me. Fine.”

My hand was pressed against the left side of my chest.

“Did you notice this?”

I suddenly seized his hand and squeezed his warm palm against my palm, refusing to let go. I gripped his wrist as he tried to pull himself away.

“Listen, Alex Yoon, just f*****g listen to me!” I increased my voice and shuddered at him as my hands seized his shoulders. “Please… just. listen. to. me.”

He was now teary-eyed as he gazed at me. “What do you want me to say? I’m a coward? How can I be so stupid for not being accountable for everything I’ve done? Is this what you’re asking for?”

I shook my head. “No. That’s not what I meant.”

“I’m well aware that I’m a coward, Chen. I’m sure I am. People think I’m the toughest person in the room, and that I have nothing to fear. The truth is that I am the opposite. I’m not who you think I am. I’m not as brave as you, pretty boy.”

I scoffed. “Pretty boy? I’ve been trying to figure out why you’re doing this to me all this time.”

“I simply can’t go on.” Alex shook his head and closed his eyes. “Even if I have feelings for you, even if what we feel is true. So, it’s better to stop things here, Chen.” He wiped away tears with his sleeve.

I snatched his arm and glowered. “Even if you have feelings for me?”

“Yes.” He yanked his palm away from my grip and released it, taking a breath in and exhaling an aggravated sigh as he stared into my eyes once more.

Before I could even ask why, Alex walked out of the room, leaving me speechless from what he had just spoken.

***

When I got home, I went into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, staring at myself in the mirror. Eyes swollen. Weak. Vulnerable.

Then, amid the turmoil, there was an instantaneous silence. The silence has become deafening, swallowing my soul as tears form around my eyes.

I sat on the couch, exhausted, replaying his words that refuse to leave my mind.

I pondered as I traced the lines where Alex kissed my lips with my fingers. I closed my eyes and caressed them until my mind stopped recreating those tense times.

At that moment, I went to the darkroom and punched the walls until my knuckles bled then I let out a sigh of disappointment. Blood splattered on the ground, as tears streamed down my cheeks.

“Can you tell me why I’m crying right now?” I muttered something. “How come I’m crying right now? Well, I deserve this anyway.” I wept and screamed the entire night, crouching and crawling to the floor, and I didn’t stop until early the next morning.

***

Despite the loud conversations around the table, I sat there, dozing off. I didn’t care who was there, standing around me and surrounding me anymore.

All I thought was Alex and his words and absurd reactions remained in my head, leaving me wondering, though he insisted to forget about them.

Alex’s words have dominated my thoughts, filling them with memories that only the two of us will have for the rest of our lives.

Forget about what happened and what I said last night.

It was the first time in my life that I have felt so dejected in my dating life.

Then, a loud finger snap jolted me awake and brought me back to reality.

“Did you say something, Mark?”

He was opening the lunchbox he has in hand and sat. “Well, I was just curious whether you had finalized your special performance song?” Mark took the spoon to eat his food.

I just shrugged.

“We should get the title before the end of the week. Take notice that the event is scheduled for next week.”

“Yeah,” I said with disinterest while tilting my mug of coffee in my hand.

Mark swallowed and cleared his throat. “By the way, do you have anything planned with Alex? Have you discussed what songs you might like to play?”

I shook my head and stared at him, perplexed by hearing his name. “Nope.”

Mark nodded and flinched when he heard a young woman our age interrupt the ongoing group conversations.

“Excuse me?”

Mark and I both spun around to see a young woman standing in front of us with a tray.

She was someone I’d met before, wasn’t she?

Right.

She was that woman in the coffee shop—tall and lovely, with curling light brown hair that set her apart from the rest of the university’s female students.

Although she was prettier than others I’ve slept with, I never assumed that she was girlfriend material after what she did to Alex and the ruckus she caused in his life.

Nobody expected her to be obsessed, despite her flawless appearance.

Did she recognize Mark as well? Was she also following the president of the student council?

She took a seat at the table with us and set her tray with food—a few berries and a bottle of water.

“How are things going for you, Mark?”

“I’m fine. How about you, Hani?” Mark replied although he hesitated because he was still chewing his lunch. So, he swallowed his food to converse with and entertain his visitor. “Hani, right?”

She nodded in agreement.

“I just want to make sure I’m not messing up your name.” Mark let out a big smile.

With a shake of her head, she expressed her dissatisfaction with the situation.

“No, that’s alright with me.”

Mark smiled and nodded.

While he was busy with his food, Hani flicked her head to look at others and say hi, waving at them.

When her face reached me, it made me feel apprehensive as her stares began to irritate me, though I tried to maintain my cool.

As sharp as Mark was, it didn’t take long for him to notice the increasing tension between Hani and me. His puzzled look was all over his face as he glanced.

I snorted and tilted my coffee cup at her. “Are you pleased with what you see?”

As soon as she heard my inquiry, she choked and raised her eyebrow as I sipped my coffee.

“Are you all right?” Mark asked, tapping her shoulders. The others at the table also asked whether she was okay.

“Don’t be concerned. I’m OK.” She encouraged him to ignore their concern with a nod.

This time, I spotted Mark staring at me while giving a short glance at Hani. It was as though he was curious about the relationship between this woman and me.

Mark couldn’t take it any longer and asked her. “Have you met before?”

Although his face was disappointed with our response, Hani and I both shrugged and softly shook our heads. Seemed convinced, she looked at me again.

“Do you think I’m at ease if you keep staring at me like that?”

Later on, she grinned and laughed, which perplexed the other males at the table.

“Well, I’m sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable.” She wiped her lips with a piece of tissue paper. “You appear to be a handsome young man.”

“I understand. You don’t have to say anything about it.” I smirked and swiveled the cup in anticipation of her continuing to speak.

Her expression appeared to convey more than what she had said.

“But—” She paused while she placed her elbows on the table and her fingers threaded together to support the weight of her head. She beckoned me to pull myself closer to her. With her palm raised, she whispered something that caught me off-guard. “Would you mind if I asked you a question?”

My chest began to feel heavy as I nodded. “Sure.”

“I’m sure you know who I’m talking about because I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen you before.”

“I understand that knowing my name isn’t the only reason you’re interested in speaking with me, Hani.”

She laughed. “Yeah, right.” She sighed. “Are you and Alex dating?”

Mark slipped off the steak he had just taken in his mouth and looked at me swiftly as my eyes widened. He, as well as others on the table, cast a glance at us.

“Did the cat take a bite out of your tongue?” She murmured as she ate the berries.

Just then, Alex and his bandmates happened to walk by at that same moment.

“Alex.” Hani drew his attention by yelling his name, as she typically does whenever she sees him. “Why don’t you guys come over and hang out with us?”

Shit. Why am I having trouble coming up with something to say?

“Come here, sit with us, guys,” Mark invited him to join us. “Anyway, there aren’t any empty tables.”

I looked up to see if he was correct.

When I couldn’t find any empty tables to sit at and face down, I sighed.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go to my band rehearsal.” Alex walked away from us while glancing at me. It was evident that he was trying to avoid me.

Despite my gut feeling twisted, I maintained my composure.

Hani, on the other hand, stood up and grabbed his hand, pushing him to sit next to me.

Alex gave me a sneering look.

Instead, I focused on my cup.

The other guys handed them some extra coffee, one of which was given to Alex.

“Thank you,” Alex uttered as soon as he had the cup in his hand.

“Alex, and your bandmates, it’s lovely to have you here. Our table is full. It’s a good time.” She was giggling as she gathered and continued eating her berries.

“Hani, what do you think you’re doing? Is this amusing to you?”

“I was just about to ask Chen if you two were dating.”

Alex sprayed his coffee and shook his head, surprised.

Rather than reacting, I chose not to. I didn’t move and tried to maintain as much calm as possible even though I was in a total state of panic.

“Hani, what made you ask that?”

“Come on, Alex. I know you since we were in middle school. When I saw you in the utility room with Chen, with those uniforms, my gut told me something was fishy. Do you recall seeing me near the utility room?” She came to a standstill and looked at us. Alex remained still, and Mark agreed with a nod.

“At the moment, I was looking for them. I was also looking for the two of them as far as I could recall.”

I knew where this conversation was heading at that point. That caught my attention. When I raised my head, I saw her guffawing at us while pointing her fingers at us.

“Well, yeah, I witnessed them having a good time together…unclothed. And…” She paused once more and laughed.

Despite his suspicions, Henry leaned his torso toward her, fascinated.

“And?” Mark demanded.

“When I first met them at the coffee shop, Alex told me that Chen was his lover. I’m not sure if he was just trying to lie just to get me out of his sight or if he was telling the truth.”

Mark, as well as the members of The Painkillers, were taken aback by her admission.

“Ah, now I see.” Mark screamed, “That’s why I saw you in utility clothing.” He shook his head and continued, “I had a feeling there was something more serious going on between you two.”

“What do you mean when you say more serious?” I turned to see my bandmates approaching.

Jun, who was standing behind me, had his hands on his waist and was staring at Hani. They snatched seats next to us at a single little table.

“Wow, that’s fantastic. Your band members are also here,” Hani grumbled, clapping her fists and enjoying the performance she had initiated.

I sighed and rolled my eyes as I cast a fleeting glance toward Alex in silence.

My bandmates attempted to capture my attention for me to respond to their questions.

Alex’s bandmates followed suit, leaving us perplexed.

“Tell us everything that happened, Hani,” Mark urged, grabbing everyone’s attention.

Hani smiled and nodded first before she continued telling her version of what happened. She continued to whine audibly as she shook her head. “Don’t you believe me, guys?

She gave me a grimace as she looked at me.

Because of her sudden outburst, the crowd’s brows were furrowed as they returned their focus to their companions and their meals, and the canteen’s noise level returned to normal.

She growled and glared at everyone who had lost interest in her. She banged her fist to attract our attention and leaned her body against the table to persuade us once more.

“I tell you, I may be awful due to my love for Alex, but this time I won’t lie.” She yelled and pointed her fingers at us. “Can’t you see? It’s obvious they’re in love. I mean, real, true love!”

Everyone, notably Jun, let out a gasp. “Whoa! That’s crazy! Is this for real, guys?”

“Nah, Nah, wait a minute, let me explain. It’s not like that,” Alex uttered after exhaling a loud sigh without looking at me.

While he continued to describe the incident, I averted my gaze and became lost in contemplation.

Chen, this isn’t good.

The more you’re staying here, the more you couldn’t hold yourself any longer.

So, better pull yourself away from here.

My hand clenched unconsciously, and my grasp on the coffee cup tightened, almost spilling the drink.

“Chen and I don’t have much in common. Let’s face it, we’re only doing this for the charity event. And, for God’s sake, you won’t ruin my life again, will you? You’ve completed it—”

Before Alex continued talking, I stood with a smile on my face.

“I’m sorry, but I have to work on the show today. You know how close the show is, so I need to go to work on them before it’s too late. Please excuse me.”

I turned to retrieve my bag and walked away from them, my face down, without looking at anyone.

“Where are you going, Chen?” Mark cried out to me, standing up and waving his hand.

But that didn’t pique my interest because I was focused on finding silence and reflecting on what had happened to me in the previous several days.

***

I was perplexed by Alex’s impromptu utterance of such remarks. I couldn’t feel anything except pain with my palm covering my face.

Rather than going to the practice room, I walked upstairs to my secret haven which was at the top of the building.

It’s the only place nearby where I can get that feeling you get when you’re just laying on a bench. Its wonderful scenery has helped me overcome everything that has happened to me.

Honestly, I was not sure if you understood but please leave me alone.

Many thoughts went through my mind as I lay down on the cemented bench facing the big heavens. Then, a blast of wind brushed against my skin, attempting to soothe my disturbed spirit.

As soon as I felt it, I inhaled deeply and exhaled, feeling more at ease than I had in the morning.

Shortly after, I heard someone’s footsteps approach me just as I was about to close my eyes. I spotted Alex standing in front of me when I turned my head to the right.

With a grimace on his face, he looked down. “Alex. How did you end up here? How did you find out about this location?” I sat up and straightened my torso while averting my glance from his.

“Well, I followed you.” Alex smiled as he tucked his hands into his jeans pocket.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Didn’t you just say that we needed to move on from this?”

He walked confidently as if the events of the previous night were unimportant to him. Was that the case?

Instead of being enraged by his acts, I attempted to maintain my cool.

“Is this where you normally stay? It’s unexpected.”

Without having to respond to his inquiry, I stood and took a few steps behind him, not allowing him to finish his sentence.

“Can you tell me where you’re going?” I turned my head and blinked for a moment to think of the words I wanted to say.

As I moved away from him, I looked at him and said, “Why should you care? Besides, you’ve mentioned it. ‘Forget about what happened last night,’ right?”

“Chen, I—” His brows wrinkled as he c****d his head to the side and let out a sigh while I continued walking away until I headed downstairs.

***

I walked down to the main gate, nearly racing towards the parking lot, and got into my car. I leaned against the seat in the driver’s seat and felt my emotions steadily boil up inside me.

It didn’t take long for tears to stream down my cheeks as I repeatedly slammed my hands on the steering wheel for an unknown amount of time.

With the current scenario, my mind has become a blank slate, bewildered and frustrated. My face was pressed against the steering wheel.

“Chen, this isn’t part of your plan. What’s the matter with you?” I muttered, “Can you tell me what’s been bothering you lately? This isn’t you, Chen.” I cried as I slammed my hands on the steering wheel one last time.