PLAYING HIS GAME

IKAAPAT NA KABANATA

"I'm sorry, Miss Alexis. We've done what we can, but..."

The hospital's bright light that shines directly to my face, with the nauseous words of apology from the doctors and nurses gave me nothing but a mere emptiness inside my head.

Hindi ko matanggap ang balita. Sobrang sakit...

And then I felt it, the pain, the agony, as if the truth just completely sank in my mind. Hindi ko na napigilan na umiyak, magwala, at murahin ang Diyos sa ginawa niya sa akin.

I removed the dextrose tube inserted in my pulse, squeezing my skin with a lot of blood. Then I ran away, calling the name of someone I just lost.

"Miss Lexi!"

Narinig ko ang takbuhan at pagtawag sa akin ng nurse at iilang staff doon. Ramdam ko ang kirot sa bagong tahi sa tiyan ko at ang pagsirit ng dugo mula dito.

"Aahhh!"

And then I felt a pain, an excruciating pain inside my belly. Sobrang sakit. Sobrang nakakapanghina. Kaya kahit gusto kong tumakbo ay mas pinili ng katawan ko na tumigil, humiga sa lupa, at sumigaw sa sakit.

I felt a hot liquid gushed down my thighs and I only screamed in horror. Dugo...

Oh God!

I felt so dizzy and weak. The blood all over my body added a bolt of fear and anxiousness inside me. I'm losing my breath, my eyelids are cautiously fluttering close.

"My baby..."

Huling sambit ko bago pakawalan ang huling hininga at tuluyan ng nawalan ng malay.

______

"s**t!"

The buzzing noise of my mini fan invaded my hearing as soon as I opened my eyes. I brushed my hair up with my shaking hands and I exhaled sharply.

Sobrang tagal na. Pero hanggang ngayon ay parang binabangungot pa rin ako ng nakaraan.

The clock says it's already 35 minutes passed 4 and I bet I cannot return to sleep in this state. Paulit-ulit nalang ang panaginip na iyon, walang tigil.

Hanggang sa nakasanayan ko nalang.

Accepting that I only took a complete four hours of sleep, I finally went out my room to keep my s**t together. May trabaho ako at ayaw kong gambalain ako ng panaginip kong iyon habang nasa opisina.

Wearing only my short CK shorts and a huge white shirt with no undies at all, I went straight my kitchen flat only to be greeted by someone, busy chopping some ingredients.

"SIR DARWIN?!" I called.

Alam kong gulat na gulat ang mukha ko ngunit napalitan iyon ng pagkahiya dahil sa suot ko.

But you know what? Who cares.

"Didn't know you wake up so early, Lexi." The boss greeted me with his sunshine smile. "Good Morning.."

Damn, what is he doing here?

"Morning..." I greeted back, pushing myself to move and prepare a cup of coffee. "Hindi ka umuwi?"

Just last night, this man went to a bar and drunk his self to sleep. Ako ang tinawagan nito kung nasaan siya at dahil hindi ko naman alam ang lugar niya ay sa akin ko nalang muna umuwi. I even left the door open dahil akala ko ay uuwi ito pag naging maayos na ang lagay.

Didn't expected that he'll stay hanggang umaga.

"Was thinking of preparing you a breakfast before leaving, for apology and a thank you."

I only nodded before letting him finish the cooking. I smiled to myself as I noticed how his muscles flexes everytime he cut fresh veggies. Halatang nagggym ang isang to.

"Thank you..."

Tumango lang siya sa akin nang iabot ang hinandang agahan. We ate in silence while I continuosly glance at him everytime I sipped at my coffee.

"Hmmm..." He sounded and that took my attention. "Take a leave today, samahan mo muna ako."

Ha?

"Saan?"

"Basta.." He only answered.

Kahit ako ay napakunot ang noo sa kanya. This is not his usual self. Sa ilang buwan na nagkakasama kami, sa opisina, sa lunch at dinner together, masasabi kong nakakabisado ko na siya. Mukhang may kakaiba kaya kahit ayaw ko man ay mas pinili kong pumayag nalang sa gusto niya.

"Alright, ikaw naman boss." Kibit balikat ko at saka tumayo na para hugasan ang pinagkainan namin.

"Ako na diyan." He offered before silently pushing me out the kitchen.

Hindi halos ako makapagsalita dahil kakaiba ang kilos niya.

"Take a bath, magbihis ka ng komportableng damit." Utos nito na hindi man lang lumilingon sa akin.

Just when I was about to leave the kitchen, I heard him mumbled my name, making me stop in my tracks.

"I hate hearing you cry , Lexi." I heard him say and I only furrowed my brows.

Narinig niya ba ang iyak ko nung binabangungot ako?

***

"What are we doing here?"

The Manhattan sun finally showed up a part of it, its half seems to be hidden behind the line where the sky and the sea meets.

The cloud was peaceful, the ambiance gave tranquility. And the calming sound of sea waves made me smile.

Alas singko na ng umaga pero bihira lang ang tao sa dalampasigan. Usually, between 9-11 nagdadagsaan ang mga tao, pero mas marami kapag papalubog ang araw.

"When I was a child..."

Napunta ang tingin ko sa boss nang magsimula itong magkwento. His gaze was fixated at a certain point over the sea. Hindi ko lang alam kung ang dagat o ang langit ang pinagmamasdan niya.

But he looks calm.....and sad.

"Dinala ako ng papa ko dito sa Manhattan, it was my first time. Naligaw ako, at dito sa Manhattan beach ako nanirahan ng tatlong araw bago nila ako nahanap."

Oh...

"Dapat akong matakot nun diba?" He laughed. "But I wasn't, I even enjoyed my stay here kahit halos wala akong ligo-ligo at kain. Because this sun, this sea, this place...it feels like heaven."

My lips tugged upward and I smiled uncontrollably as I stared at my boss. Para siyang bata, malawak ang ngiti, kumikislap pa ang mata na parang natutuwa sa alaala ng kabataan niya.

"I brought you here, baka sakaling gumaan ang pakiramdam mo." He smiled at me.

Biglang nawala ang ngiti sa labi ko, napalitan iyon ng malakas na kabog sa dibdib ko. His stares looks so inviting, na para bang niyayaya niya akong pasukin ang mundo niya.

I wanted to, but I'm afraid.

"This place looks good..." I commented as I tore apart our stares at each other.

Pakiramdam ko kasi ay malulunod ako sa mga tingin niya.

"But I think no place can ever take away the loneliness I'm feeling, sir."

Pareho kaming natahimik sa sinabi ko. Ramdam ko ang titig niya sa akin, habang ako ay nanatili ang mata sa kawalan.

We are in a game. We are in a game. I kept reminding myself.

"But girls can take my mind out of my thoughts." Tumawa ako pero alam kong peke iyon. Kita ko kung paano nawala ang ngiti niya sa akin.

"Why do you like girls?" Parang naiinis ito.

"Kayo, why do guys like girls?" Binalik ko sa kanya ang tanong. "Gusto nyo ng babae sa buhay niyo para alagaan kayo, para pasayahin kayo, para maibigay sa inyo ang pangangailangan ng katawan niyo, hindi ba? And that's exactly the reason why I like girls, they can give more than what man can offer."

That's why I like girls. That's why I choose to like girls.

"But guys can give you something girls can't." He tried to argue na parang pinipilit niyang lalaki nalang ang mahalin ko.

Na tigilan ko na ang pambabae.

"Ano, tite?" I laughed. If Joi is here siguradong babatukan niya ako sa tabas ng bibig ko. "Kaya nga may d***o, sir. Kung gusto mo talong ipasok mo sa butas masarap din."

I was joking. I wanted to feel light. Kasi mabigat sa loob ko. Hindi ko alam pero may mabigat sa loob ko. I don't know kung dahil ba ito sa panaginip ko? Dahil ba to sa mga nangyari noon? O dahil sa tagal ng panahon, heto ay may isang estranghero ang muling nagbubukas ng mga sugat ko?

"I have a friend..." Muli itong nagkwento. "His girl died a day before their marriage. After that, natutong mambabae. Tatlo na nabuntis niya pero lahat iyon pinalaglag."

Naiyukom ko ang kamao..

Naalala ko ang sakit.

"He was sad that's why he did those horrible things. Hindi siya ganoon pero dahil wala siyang maisip na paraan para makapagpatuloy sya sa buhay, naging ganoon siya." He added before raising his hands to hold mine. Kusang bumuka ang nakayukom kong kamao. Nanginginig kong pinakawalan ang hangin na nanatili sa dibdib ko at kasabay noon ang pagtulo ng luha ko.

"And I think you are just like him, Lexi. Hindi ka ganyan, hindi ka ganito. But since you suffered a lot, you became the person you are right now. The pain changed you. This is not you."

Mabilis akong lumayo sa kanya. Nalulunod ako. Nasasakal ako. Naririndi ako sa mga sinasabi niya.

"I am completely fine, sir." I argued. Mabilis na umurong ang luha ko. "Ganito na talaga ako."

Hindi siya sumagot.

His gaze settled at my irises.

"Let me show you how broken you are, Lexi. I'll show you who you were. Dahil hangga't hindi mo natatanggap sa sarili mo na may mali sa nararamdaman mo, hindi ka magiging maayos. You have to realize something's not okay with you in order to be okay. And I promise to help you out."

Why...

Why is he doing this?