My Disappearance

It was hot summer day and Rose was sweating profusely. Her clothes stuck to her from the heavy humidity, it was like a hot wet blanket wrapped around her, suffocating her. If only she could take a cold shower and wash her greasy hair. But when her mom was at work she was only allowed to wash her hands. Rose was almost done with her chores, she ticked off each chore in her head to make sure she got them all. The litter boxes were done. The old litter was thrown away and the pans were scrubbed and fresh litter was put in them. The dishes were done, well mostly done... they were drying in the dish rack and they needed to be put in the cabinet only to be taken down for dinner. The cats and dogs had fresh food and water. The kitchen was clean. Rose had cleaned the counters and scrubbed the floor after breakfast. There were fresh sheets on her mom's bed all made up with tight corners. She had lingered in her mom's room because it was still cool from her mom's window air conditioner running the night before. She hadn't lingered too long she had too many things to do. Then there was the vacuuming. After that she had swept the house and mopped the old wooden floors. They didn't need a new coat of wax yet. Her room was clean apart from the sheets. Her room was kept neat, a quick sweep of everything in the mornings kept it that way. She couldn't change the sheets until Sunday or as her mom liked to call it Laundry day. That's when Rose got her shower? Bath? No it was neither, she basically washed her hair in the kitchen sink and cleaned up with a sink full of cold water, a bar of soap and a wash cloth. Her mom didn't want her wasting water and the way her mom thought there was no reason why Rose needed to shower more than once a week if she wasn't going to go anywhere. Why waste clean clothes when they would just get dirty again. Rose was only allowed to change her underwear. It was too hot for pajamas in the summer so when it was time for Laundry Day all that Rose needed to wash apart from her mom's clothes and sheets were Rose's underwear and the set of clothes she had worn all week stiff with dirt and sweat. Rose loved and hated Laundry day. She loved that she finally got to be clean and have clean clothes and clean sheets. She hated it because that was the day her mom watched her bathe. It made Rose sick to her stomach to think about it. Her mom said it was to make sure she didn't waste water but... did she really need to pull up a chair and sit and watch Rose while in the nude clean up? It only started like this when Rose turned 13 when she got her period. Her mom told her she was a woman now and she needed to make sure she was clean and proper and a good girl. As Rose got older she got more and more uncomfortable with it. It felt wrong. Her mom never told her anything while she was bathing except maybe a "You're getting water on the floor, clean it up." But her just watching her was... well it was weird. Her mom would come in pull out a heavy wooded chair from the table in the kitchen slide it around to face the sink and test the water to make sure it wasn't hot because the gas used to heat it cost money. Money which her mom said she didn't have. Even if she had it for other things. Things Rose thought they didn't need. Things that had no use. A waste in Rose's eyes. If only her mom would let her get a job to help out then she could shower everyday with hot water! But her mom wanted her at home to keep the house in order. Rose couldn't leave the house if she wanted too, her mom locked her in. There were burglar bars on all the windows and outer doors. The back door was always unlocked during the day but there was a tall heavy iron fence that surrounded the back yard and the gate to that was pad locked. Rose only got to leave when her mother went grocery shopping and to school when that was in session. Then she would sit down and watch as Rose washed. When school was in session she could use the gym showers and take a hot shower. Rose wasn't allowed to shave her legs either. According to her mom "Good girls don't shave, only whores shave. You don't want to be a filthy w***e do you?" Rose would just shake her head quickly without making eye contact. Eye contact could be considered defiance. Rose rarely ever made eye contact with her mom, only when she had too. One time she had answered a question her mom had asked and she made eye contact accidentally and her mom slapped her and started yelling at her for being disrespectful and why wasn't Rose grateful for everything her mom had worked so hard to provide for her and on and on. Once her mom wouldn't stop hitting and the slaps got rougher and rougher a wayward palm slapped an ear and Rose cried out as a sharp pain ran through her head and fell to her knees. That really enraged her mom because Rose was forbidden to make noise while the beatings were happening. Noise was also considered defiance. Rose had to just take her punishment. Then when Rose was on the floor her mom began to kick her and scream at her. She screamed "I'll give you something to really cry about!" After her mom was winded and red in the face she would stop and say panting hard from all her effort at "disciplining" her daughter "Alright... I hope you learned your lesson. I don't like hurting you like this. But sometimes your just so stupid it hurts for me to look at you. Sometimes I can't stand your stupidity! Now apologize." Rose had learned to apologize quickly with a solemn voice because if it sounded mocking that would send her mom over the edge again. It had happened before even if Rose wasn't mocking just trying to talk through the pain. She had to keep a straight face after too because if her mom saw anything but utter blankness in her daughters face Rose would get slapped again for "pouting". Rose knew her place and as long as she followed the rules she would be fine. At least that's how she used to feel but the beatings got worse and worse as she got older. They got harder, rougher sometimes brutal. Sometimes Rose felt like a prisoner but that was only when she let her thoughts stray too far from her daydreams. She absolutely fought to keep reality out except in school. In school she whole heartedly threw herself into learning. It was her only escape from home. That's where she went when her mom was beating her. Her thoughts went somewhere else. A happier place. A place that wasn't here. In that place no one hurt her, no one locked her up, no one told her she couldn't shower, no one watched her bathe. In a couple of years she would graduate and go to college away from this place. Her grandparents sent her a check every birthday and Christmas and she endorsed it and her mom put it in her own savings account. An account she could access when she was 18. Sometimes Rose found it hard to make it through the day but then she would think only this many years until she could legally move out and take that savings account and go far, far away. Where her mother couldn't get her. Somewhere safe. Now it was officially 2 years until then and it was getting closer by the second. Rose could almost taste it. However if she played her cards right she could graduate early. She was already in AP classes she had already passed all her regular high school levels and was taking a couple of college level classes. She could leave now but she was still a minor. If she graduated now she doubted if her mom would let her go to college right away. Even if it was the community college 8 blocks from home. Enough of that now Rose thought. Her mind had wandered too far and right now she needed to prep dinner it was almost 5 pm and her mom got home around 5:30 and expected dinner to be hot and ready when she walked in the door. Rose ran to the kitchen and quickly dried the dishes and put them away and got started on making dinner. Just as Rose was setting the table her mother walked in and sat down at the table she looked really tired which meant her temper would be thin. Rose's fear began to fill her stomach like hot jagged rocks they stabbed and burned as they clunked in her stomach. She said nothing as she served her mom's portion of dinner and then served herself. Her mom was stabbing the food on her plate aggressively, her lips were in a thin tight line as she jabbed at the vegetables. When she was done Rose reached for her mom's empty plate and a hot hand clamped tightly around Rose's wrist. In a slow quiet voice she said "Who was that man?" Rose looked at her mom shocked before she could stop herself. "What man momma?" The grip got tighter. "The man in that fancy black car that was pulling away from the front of the house as I pulled in the driveway." Rose was bewildered she didn't notice any car out front she hadn't looked out front almost all day except when she was cleaning the windows and there was no car and it was hours ago. Today she had been too busy to stare out the window. Her mom jerked her arm forward and dragged her to one of the front windows and shoved her face against the glass. "He was parked right there!" she growled. "I... I didn't see a car momma and I don't know who he was." Rose said shakily. Then her mom yanked her away from the window and gave her a hard slap. "Don't lie to me girl! Is he your boyfriend? Have you been whoring around with this man?" she yelled at Rose and yanked her daughter's arm and slapped her again. "No, momma." Rose said in pain and shock trying not to sound "pouty" so it wouldn't get worse. "Just because you're stupid doesn't mean I'm stupid! You must think I am! I saw him, why else would he be here? You know that's all men want! They just want in between your legs to use you." her mom screamed in her face and then grabbed Rose's hair and yanked her daughter's head back hard until Rose's knees buckled to the floor bending backwards trying to take the pressure from her mom's hair pulling off. Her mom's face was so red it was almost purple. "You're nothing but a w***e! After I work hard all day and provide for you, you just spread your legs for some man with a fancy car? No man will want to marry you. No man will want you if you aren't a virgin. I have told you that time and time again!" her mother ranted. "I didn't momma. I'm a good girl. I haven't done anything." Rose pleaded trying to choke back the pain and tears. Then her mother let go of her hair and began kicking Rose. She was still wearing her high heels from work and the points felt like dull knives. Rose tried to escape in her mind but the pain was too much and she began to cry out. Then her mom stopped and yelled "You f*****g b***h you have ruined my nylons! Don't you know how expensive these are?!?" While her mom was yelling this Rose began to drag herself up to a crawl and then limp toward the front door. She didn't know what she was doing until she got to the door. The key might be gone but she had to try and get away. She couldn't take it anymore. The door with the burglar bars on it still had the key in it! She turned the key and the door swung open and was about to step out when her mom grabbed her by the hair again and yanked back hard. Rose almost fell this time but she was fighting back the throbbing pain and was struggling forward. "Where the hell do you think you are going? Running to your boyfriend?" but her high heels slipped on the wood floor and she fell back as Rose struggled forward. Her mom landed on her butt with a clump of Rose's hair in her right hand. Rose was free of her mom's grasp and tried to run down the three steps to the front porch but her legs were shaky and she lost her balance and fell forward landing on the hot scratchy concrete porch scraping herself but she didn't notice, she was in survival mode and she was going to get away if it was the last thing she did. She stood up as quickly as she could and began to head for the street. The neighbor kids who had been playing in the street had stopped to stare at the spectacle going on at the little brown house where that woman was always yelling. The one their parents told them to stay away from. They dropped their basket ball and ran inside scared. Rose was halfway through the front yard when she was tackled from behind by her mom. Her mom had kicked off her high heels and began choking Rose with both hands as she sat on Rose's stomach. She was yelling "Did you think you would get away from me? You're mine, you stupid little b***h! I'll never let you go! I own you, you piece of s**t!" Rose was struggling to breath, her arms were flailing about in a panicked motion, she was looking in her mother's eyes and saw joy in them not hate. She was enjoying this! Rose was losing her strength little by little and she tried to free her mother's grip from her neck, but her mom was too strong. Rose couldn't breath and soon her arms could no longer fight her mom's tight choking grip. Rose's vision became blurry and she thought "Well I tried, at least I tried." then there was nothing.