The Flirtatious Elf and the Clueless Vagrant (1)
1416 Words
It's a sunny early afternoon in a southern town.
An elf girl walks along a road, not minding some people who are staring at her for her beautiful face, her voluptuous body, and her bodacious outfit.
Once she comes across a group of grown men gathering at a small table for one of those selfsame drinking sessions...
...these men are whistling, making catcalls clearly directed at her.
“Nice rack!”
“You look so hot for an elf like you!”
“You can ride with us, miss... if you know what we mean.”
“Miss, just stay only with us. You'll be a lot happier.”
“These spicy ribs are delicious, but they can never be as spicy as you.”
And these crude pick-up lines are punctuated by boorish laughter.
Naturally, the elf girl feels uncomfortable, because she knows there's a kingdom-wide law that bans all forms of catcalls.
But then, she regains her composure.
She just winks and points her finger at the drunkards while quipping...
“Yeah, right. You guys are sexy too.”
With those words, the drunkards all rise from the table.
One of them angrily declares...
“Who gave you the authority to call us that, Miss Elf? YOU?! Only chicks like you deserve to be called sexy, not us!”
The elf bites back.
“Well, hello! It's not fair that drunkards like you have the best lines ever! In fact, they're the worst!”
“You're really getting on our nerves, Miss Elf! We'll teach you a lesson. Long. And. HARD!”
The drunkards then start to lay their filthy hands on the elf, but the elf quickly dashes away from the scene.
With her repeated castings of Heisbilis on herself, it's only a matter of seconds before the drunkards lose sight of the elf girl.
But even with that setback, they vow to come back at her.
I hope she's having a good time, now that her suffering is over.
It's a nice and fair Oraclemonth day.
Time to go questing.
I head towards Walibalt's local adventurer's guild.
Amidst the usual sea of adventurers, who are primarily, to no one's surprise, blade-wielders, I come across the local guild mistress, Ariadna Furiae Sodi.
“Good afternoon, adventurer. Maybe you're interested in this quest, perhaps?”
“OK, I'll take a look at it.”
The guild mistress' recommended quest is kind of strange, to be fair.
Here are the details.
“An Elf Needs Company”
Quest ID: 1019-1832
Quest Difficulty: 1
Party Requirement: At least one person required to start this quest. No class requirements. Quest starter will also join in the quest as offensive spell-caster.
Quest Brief:
To the man or woman who is reading this quest brief, I really need your help. I'm just an elf who needs company, especially with all the crap being thrown at me in the last few days. I get catcalled all the time, I get told how to dress, and I even get handed money in exchange for those... uh... solicitations (I rejected them, for your big fat information). What's worse, my fellow elves are indifferent to my plight. Oh please, beautiful adventurer, can you please keep me safe... and maybe, provide all the love and affection I've been wanting for years, pretty please? I'm just an elf who's lonely and has no one to talk to, period.
Am I sure I'm not reading an ad for an escort service?
This shouldn't be one.
And yeah, since most elves are strict law adherents, they simply can't just put out fake quests like this, right?
Alright, I'll take the plunge.
“I'll take on this quest.”
“Great. You can step into this portal. Good luck!”
After stepping into the portal, I end up in a town full of houses made of cut-up logs.
This is Viwiv Yuq, Willowcreen Prefecture.
A town of foresters and mountain men.
This town is significant for another reason.
It acts as a sister town to the Elven Enclave of Bea-Davaeth, which is just ten kilometers east of here.
As I take in the great smell of the tall trees that naturally occur in this town...
“KYAAAAAAA!!!”
I can hear a high-pitched shout that clearly belongs to a woman.
I can feel a tight hug, a glomp, surrounding my body.
I can feel something warm and soft on my back.
Oh, man.
Which girl am I bumping into now?!
I turn my head around, and here is the answer to my question.
It's indeed an elf girl, with the trademark long golden hair and pointed ears.
Behind her standard-issue elven cloak, she wears a one-piece dress that is tight-fitting and has its skirt parted in the middle.
“Ugh... your hug is so tight, you can even break my bones! Let go of me, please!”
As instructed, the elf girl lets go of her glomp, and I reorient myself.
She apologizes.
“I'm terribly sorry for that. Anyway, you may be the adventurer I'm looking for.”
I preemptively present my adventurer's identification badge to confirm that I am indeed her client for this quest.
“Indeed I am. Well now, can you please introduce yourself?”
“Yes. I'm Rutherfordine Mabanglou, an elf in search of a reliable companion. You can call me Ruth for short. Nice to meet you, Walter!”
It has always been this way for elves like her to have somewhat long first names as compared to the relatively shorter surnames, thus necessitating the use of nicknames when interacting with humans.
This is because in the old days, elves didn't have surnames at all. Only when they were integrated into the kingdom seven hundred years ago were they given last names.
In the kingdom's early days, the founder's great-grandson, His Highness King Paul Daniel Hawthorne Blumstein, enacted a peaceful expansion and assimilation policy. Towns that were in danger of being stricken off the map agreed to be part of the kingdom, as long as their dire conditions were improved, which His Highness did with utmost care. Towns that were nominally peaceful and prosperous on their own also assimilated into the kingdom, as their town mayors were getting jealous of the other towns' improvements by His Highness.
As for the Elven Enclave of Bea-Davaeth, the leader at the time, Melchizedek'ileth, agreed to align his domain into the young kingdom, as long as two conditions were met: One, that elven traditions would be kept sacrosanct and be in tune with the fairy's promises to the kingdom's founder; and two, that there must be no widespread racial enmity between elves and humans. Fortunately, ever since the day of the elven assimilation, these two conditions are held in high regard by everyone concerned.
As a result of the assimilation, elves were given surnames as per the kingdom's decree. A book called The Alphabetic Catalogue of Surnames for the Elven Peoples, which was published as part of the decree, was widely used by the elves to better integrate themselves into human society while also not forgetting their old traditions. For example, the elf leader Melchizedek'ileth was baptized as Melchizedek'ileth Vernida. When he interacted with humans, he used a shortened form of his original name, which was Melchi.
And due to the continued harmony between humans and elves, some of them decided to intermarry, which raised racial purity concerns at first; but then, the kingdom reassured that half-elves (i.e. children of humans and elves) would be afforded the same equal treatment and protection under the law as their pure-bred brethren.
I can see her puppy-dog eyes, as if those eyes prompt me to pet the elven girl.
Thus, I answer.
“Nice to meet you too, Ruth. As per the quest contract, I will keep you company until you're satisfied with me, OK?”
“OK.”
“Well now... where should we go?”
“Uh... at the Firmalev Beer House, perhaps?”
“About that...”
I know that elves have twice the lifespan of humans, but still retain their comely features as if they adopt their human ages.
I assume that this elf lass here is 18 human years old, by the looks of her. That means, in elven years, she's 36.
By that assumption, she should be legal enough to drink alcohol.
Finishing my sentence...
“OK. I'll treat you to some alco-pop. I'll pay the tab.”
“Alright! Thanks, Walter!”
- Writer
