Pink Hair Don't Care

* Reborn *

My body hurts, inside and outside. Everywhere.

My lungs and throat burn my body shivers and shake in its own attempt to dislodge the water inside it. It's so painful.

I can't open my eyes, even the dim light in the room is too intense for them. I can feel tears running through my face and burning my skin on its way... I'm ice cold.

I make a huge effort to move, every inch of my body feels so incredibly sore.  It's a victory when I'm able to spin it and lay down at my side.

I open my eyes slowly, fighting to see through the continuous tears streaming down. I have no success. I focus my attention on the tip of my fingers, feeling the surface where my body lies. All that I can get is that it is flat and it is freezing.

Everything feels so alien.

What happened? It's hard to think... Everything is so overwhelming.

I give myself a few moments, no matter how uncomfortable it is where  I am right now and place all my attention at breathing. And that's all that I'm really able to do right now... To breath...

I have no idea how long I've been laying here... It could be two minutes, it could be for two decades...

When the cold start to become unbearable, I decide to try to move one more time.

This once, surprisingly, I'm strong enough to lift my torso and sit even though my arms shake and don't seem very reliable.

I can see as well, my eyes still burn a little, but it isn't that bad anymore.

Peeking around myself I realized I was at the floor of the bathroom... It is covered by a layer of water and pieces of white ceramic from all sizes and shapes arranged in a chaotic pattern on the ground.

My head slowly bends to the side... Where this came from?

I painfully twist my body to look behind me and a surprised sigh escapes from my mouth... I'm not truly aware of my gesture, but I notice my hand grabbing a little piece of ceramic from the ground and rolling it between my fingers.

In front of me, I see the bathtub... It is completely shattered. How in the f*****g hell that happened?

"Ok" I murmur to myself. " Each little thing at its time."

First thing, I need to warm up my body. So I deal with the new challenge of getting onto my knees and using the wall as support to stand up. I'm only in the middle of the way and I can tell already it was a terrible idea.

The floor is slippery and my legs can't hold the weight of my body, I fall heavily hitting my head at the ground. My arms weren't strong enough to protect me and my head is throbbing when I hear indistinguishable whispers. A low choir of voices talking in a weird language... I feel like I should understand, but I can't.

I'm alone, am I not?

Once again lying on the floor, a soft laugh escapes from my throat. First hypothermia, now a concussion... oh, and please, add delusional hearing to that. Perfect!

I feel like screaming... So I do it. The pitch of my voice hurts my eardrums, but I got the relief I was needing. Why I've never allowed myself to do that before? It felt so right putting my frustration out once and for all.

I start to move my body again, but this time I'm smarter and stay on my fours, carefully crawling while I try to dodge the remains of the bathtub on my way to the shower.

When I finally get to it and manage to turn it on, it is bliss. The warm water hurts somewhat at the beginning since my skin is too cold, but little by little I feel my temperature rising again and my muscles start to relax.

I'm sitting at the ground, my arms hug my folded knees whilst the water massage my neck and my back. It feels so much better now.

I can see the tiny particles of water in the vapor that now fills the bathroom, they move in spirals when I breathe. It's a beautiful shinning dance...

This thought brings me a memory... My own hands, shining because of the glittery water... The cuts on my wrists, all the blood...

I react by instinct and stare at my both forearms... There is only a dark pink line at each one of them. I frown in confusion... But there was so much blood, didn't it?

I caress one of the lines with my fingers, there is no cut... It feels sensitive somehow, like a new tattoo. I like them there.

Everything that happened starts coming back to me, my birthday, my decision, what I did, my promise...

The voices, the faces in a blur... I had no idea what really happened to me, how the bathroom ended the way it was, but I could feel that something within my body had irrevocably changed.

I smiled.

I did it.

I died...

And now I was born again.