Pink Hair Don't Care

* Whisper *

I felt relieved.

And most important, I felt utterly free.

I tilt my head back, closing my eyes and letting the water drops falling from the shower wash my face. I can't stop smiling, still dazzled by the feeling of peace, freedom, and pure potentiality.

Deep down it still resembles like me, but there is a huge difference in the way I feel about everything in general. It's not really possible to put a finger on it... but I try.

I'm curious.

I can feel a part inside me singing happily and loudly. It's a fresh start, no strings attached. Everything I could wish for... It is mine to take, have, experience... To create. I feel powerful.

I try to find any trace of the old Cassie, over-concerned, extra worried, stressed, and panicking about little things... On a daily basis. Can't find her.

I even imagine the most impossible situation, trying to see if I could lure her out from wherever she is hiding. One that would hit all her triggers.

I imagine myself getting up, leaving my apartment with nothing else besides the clothes on my body. Not knowing where to go and with no intentions of coming back... Never.

Nothing.

My stomach doesn't hurt, my heart isn't crazily striking against my ribcage.

I keep breathing smoothly... I'm calm... Excited... Happy. Can't wait to see what's going to happen next. I feel accelerated... I'm actually considering doing it now.

Still, no response of my previous version. Nada... Nothing...

" So... Since you discovered that you can do whatever you want... And since previously, you had plenty of experience never doing what your heart screamed for... What now? What do you desire, my little wild thing?"

I hear the whispering of a husky male voice just beside me, at the exact same moment, I feel someone touching my forearm in a long light caress that leaves a trail of fire behind it. A sharp feeling of longing hits the left side of my chest with his fiery tone.

"Oh, I've missed you so much."

Surprised with the intensity of desire that aroused me, I open my mouth and end up breathing some water. I'm choking now, with the warm liquid entering my nostrils and my ears, hastily trying to dry my eyes and look around me.

Nobody.

There is nobody here.

I rub my palm along the glass, trying to clean out the steam so I can look at the bathroom... An empty bathroom.

I'm alone.

And I'm hearing things.

And feeling things...

I have no clue what's going on.

I did hit my head on the floor a few minutes before, I still have no idea if I drowned or what happened with the bathtub, my mind is clearly working differently now from when all this started... maybe I just lost it. A nervous breakdown.

But I just can't convince myself that there wasn't someone by my side just now.

I still can feel where he touched me. I touch the skin of my forearm lightly, at the same place his fingers were just seconds before.

I had the strange feeling of knowing his voice, from a long time ago. The way he spoke, the remnant of a long-lost foreign accent, his words... "My little wild thing..." It sounded so familiar... I was craving to hear it again.

I opened my mouth and whispered a question.

"Where are you?"

No answer. But I tried again.

"Hello?"

Only my words echoed back to me.

I let my hand fall beside me and leaned my head at the wall. I felt sadder than I wanted to admit.

"What now?" I mumbled to myself. "What do I do now?"

The memory came back to me...

Pain and pleasure... Bonded to each other... You can't avoid one of them without blocking the other.

I took a deep breath.

A fragile smile appearing on my face.

I'll find a way of discovering what is happening. Everything will come to me, eventually.

"I choose all of it." I repeat out loud.

I stand up carefully, trying to find my balance again with the support of the glass wall. Trying my muscles, I look to my legs in a mute request for cooperation. I turn off the shower, and in a bright moment of smart thinking, I grab a towel and put it on the wet floor so I could walk over it on my way out of the bathroom. A safe bridge till the carpeted area of the apartment.

I was proud of myself on my way to the bedroom. My legs were a bit shaky but weren't failing me. I was walking as slow as an old sloth along the corridor, but I was moving. And I was not freezing anymore, but even so, I was eager to wrap myself with my softest blanket. I could see my room's door, just a little few more steps now.

Suddenly something in the mirror of the corridor made me gasp, demanding my attention. I was passing right through it... almost mechanically like we always do with an olden piece of furniture that always had been there. But when I glanced at it... There was no other option than to clumsy walk my way towards it. Stretching my arms on my way to the other side of the narrow corridor, so I wouldn't be without support for long.

It was something silly to do, but I was in such a gape that first I touched the mirror in front of me.

I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing...

It took me a few seconds to move my hand again so I could feel the dampness of my white hair stuck in a ruined bun.

White...

WHITE !?

With my fingertips, I pulled a long lock of my hair to the front of my face, plucking some strands with the sudden movement, and could do nothing more than dumbly staring at it.

My hair was never white.

It had always been reddish-brown. Just the same color of my eyebrows, that happily was unaltered.

"Hmm... Ok." I took a deep breath trying to stay calm while my brain truly collapsed. "Seems that I'm looking different as well."

Not being able to do or analyze anything else at this moment, I just bounced back to the other side of the corridor and reached my bed. Where under a cocoon of blankets my brain gave up and I joyfully immersed into the blessed oblivion.