Pieces Of You

Patricia I have a beautiful perspective about love because of what I see in my parents. Lumaki akong nakikita kung paano nila piliin ang isa't isa araw-araw. We were raised in a life of comfort, where people admire our family not only because of our name and wealth, but because my parents genuinely love each other. Hindi man perpekto ang pagsasama nila, pero kitang-kita ko kung paano nila harapin ang problema nang magkasama. They taught me that love isn't about status, business, or convenience. It's about sincerity- choosing someone because your heart is certain, not because everything around you says they are the perfect match. Maybe that's why I can never understand why they want me to marry Jezreil. He is my childhood friend, the son of my father's business partner. Four years ang tanda niya sa akin. I'm twenty-five, and he's already twenty-nine kaya sa paningin ng lahat, tama lang na ipakasal na kami. Pareho rin kaming nag-iisang anak, kaya habang lumalaki kami, natural na naging espesyal ang samahan namin. Pero hindi iyon romantic love. Kung tutuusin, mas kapatid pa nga ang turingan namin kaysa magkasintahan. Ever since we were kids, he treats me like his younger sister. Siya iyong tipo ng lalaking susundo sa akin kapag gabi na, magagalit kapag may nagpapaiyak sa akin, at tatawanan ako kapag nagta-tantrums ako noon. And maybe because I grow up beside him for so many years, ganoon na rin ang tingin ko sa kanya, someone safe, familiar, and impossible to see any differently. But our parents already make the decision for us long before we even have the chance to choose for ourselves. Siguro dahil pareho silang may malalaking negosyo at matagal nang business partners ang mga pamilya namin, everyone thinks marriage will make everything even more perfect. Para bang sapat na dahilan ang compatibility ng pamilya, status, at friendship para mabuo ang isang magandang pagsasama. But love doesn't work that way. Hindi dahil bagay kayo sa paningin ng ibang tao ay ibig sabihin mahal niyo na ang isa't isa sa paraang kailangan para sa kasal. And no matter how much I care about him, no matter how important he is to me, I can't force my heart to see him as the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Because deep inside, he isn't the love of my life... he's simply the boy who becomes my family long before anyone asks us to become husband and wife. I sit quietly at the edge of my bed, still wearing the champagne-colored silk dress Mama picked for tonight's dinner. Nakalatag ang laylayan nito sa paligid ng mga binti ko habang pabaya kong hinubad ang heels ko malapit sa cream-colored carpet something I normally would've fixed kung hindi lang magulo ang isip ko ngayon. My room feels unusually cold tonight. The dim golden lights from the chandelier cast soft shadows across the ivory walls, habang dahan-dahang gumagalaw ang manipis na kurtina malapit sa floor-to-ceiling windows dahil sa malamig na hangin mula sa labas. From here, tanaw ko ang tahimik na streets ng Ayala Alabang, glowing softly beneath expensive street lamps and rows of tall acacia trees. Usually, I love this view. But tonight, everything feels heavy. I let out a long sigh and lean my head against the padded headboard. My long black hair falls messily over my shoulders after ko paulit-ulit suklayin gamit ang mga daliri ko dahil sa frustration. Hanggang dito sa taas, rinig ko pa rin ang mahihinang tawanan sa ibaba. Their voices sound so light... so relaxed... as if wala silang malaking desisyong ginawa ngayong gabi. I close my eyes tightly and press my fingers against my temples. "This is insane..." mahina kong bulong sa sarili ko. The word marriage still lingers inside my mind like an unwanted echo. I grab the nearest pillow beside me and hug it tightly against my chest before falling backward onto my bed dramatically. "How am I even supposed to survive this..." reklamo ko habang nakatitig sa kisame. Because no matter how much I try to understand their reasons... hindi ko pa rin kayang isipin ang sarili ko standing at the altar beside Jezreil. Because whenever I think about him... love is never the first thing that comes into my mind.I mean,I do love him pero bilang isang nakakatandang kapatid. I grab my phone from the bed and immediately call Jezreil. Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip pa. Kung may isang taong makakaintindi sa akin ngayon, siya lang iyon. The call only rings twice before he answers. "Tricia?" "Jez... kailangan nating kausapin parents natin." Hindi na ako nagpaligoy-ligoy pa. Tahimik siya sandali sa kabilang linya bago siya bahagyang napabuntong-hininga. "You really don't want this marriage?" Napapikit ako habang hinihigpitan ang hawak ko sa phone. "It's not that simple," mahina kong sagot. "Ayokong masaktan sila." Because despite everything... mahal namin ang mga pamilya namin. I know our parents aren't forcing this dahil lang sa business. Lumaki kaming mahal na mahal ng mga magulang namin. They genuinely believe this marriage will protect both families and secure our future together. Sa isip nila, mas mabuti raw na mapunta ako sa taong kilala na nila buong buhay nila kaysa sa lalaking hindi nila kayang pagkatiwalaan. And honestly... I understand that. That's what makes everything harder. "Jez..." mahina kong dagdag habang nakatitig ako sa city lights sa labas ng bintana. "Kuya ang tingin ko sa'yo." "You know I'd never hurt you, right?" mahina niyang tanong. "I know." "And I know you'd never hurt me either." Napahiga ako pabalik sa kama habang nakatitig sa kisame. "That's exactly why this feels wrong." Because if we go against our parents, masasaktan sila. But if we agree to the marriage... baka kami naman ang masira in the end. Narinig ko siyang bahagyang napabuntong-hininga sa kabilang linya. "You know what Dad told me earlier?" tanong niya. "What?" "He said he trusts me with you more than anyone else." My chest tightens instantly. Of course Tito Raymond would say that. And Papa probably feels the same. Because to them, this isn't just an arranged marriage. It's giving their children to someone they already consider family. "Ang hirap naman kasi..." bulong ko habang pilit kong nilulunok yung bara sa lalamunan ko. "Ayokong isipin nilang hindi natin naa-appreciate yung care nila." "I know, Tricia." "But I also can't pretend na kaya kong maging asawa mo." Tahimik ulit. Then finally, mahina siyang natawa. "Honestly... hindi ko rin ma-imagine na tatawagin mo akong 'hon'." Napangiwi ako agad. "Kadiri." Doon siya tuluyang natawa nang mahina. And somehow, napatawa rin ako. Because that's who we are. Comfortable,Close,Family. Just... not lovers. I stay quiet after our laughter fades. The silence between us isn't uncomfortable. Nakakapagod lang. I pull my knees closer against my chest while leaning against the headboard, listening to the faint sound of the air conditioner humming softly inside my room. "So anong gagawin natin?" mahina kong tanong. On the other line, Jezreil sighs again. "Honestly? Hindi ko rin alam." Napapikit ako. For the first time tonight, doon talaga nagsink in sa akin na seryoso na pala talaga ito. Hindi na ito simpleng biro ng parents namin during family dinners. They're already planning our future. "Our parents are going to be hurt kapag tumanggi tayo," sabi ko habang mahina kong hinihimas ang gilid ng unan ko. "Especially Papa. Alam mo kung gaano niya pinagkakatiwalaan family niyo." "I know," mahinang sagot ni Jezreil. "Dad feels the same way." "And that's the problem." Because no matter how unfair the situation feels... alam naming pareho na walang masamang intensyon ang mga magulang namin. They're doing this because they care. Because they think this is the safest future for us. After all, sino pa ba raw ang mas mapagkakatiwalaan nila kundi ang pamilyang halos kasama na namin buong buhay? I let out a tired sigh. "Parang ang sama tuloy natin." "Hindi tayo masama," agad niyang sagot. "Ayaw lang nating lokohin sila." Natahimik ako pagkatapos no'n. Because he's right. Mas masasaktan siguro sila kung magpapakasal kami nang hindi naman talaga buo ang nararamdaman namin. "I don't want us to end up resenting each other," mahina kong amin. "Ayokong dumating sa point na masira yung samahan natin dahil lang pinilit natin 'to." Tahimik si Jezreil sandali bago siya muling nagsalita. "Hindi mangyayari 'yon." "Hindi mo sure." "I do." His voice sounds calm. Certain. Like he's trying to keep at least one of us from completely falling apart tonight. "Tricia," mahina niyang dagdag, "kahit anong mangyari, ayokong mawala ka sa buhay ko." My chest tightens a little after hearing that. Because ganoon din naman ako. Jezreil has always been part of my life. He's family. And maybe that's exactly why this hurts so much. Because the more everyone pushes us toward marriage... the more afraid I become of losing the relationship we already have.