UNTIL DAYLIGHT

12

12.

I don't know how to think about you slowly,

love,

don't wake up.

I began to move numb by extending my arms. I tried to focus on the room I was in with a bit of difficulty given the low light. I picked up my cell phone and noticed it was just after 3:00. I sat down on that bed and immediately understood where I was: Alessia slept on the desk, curled up to herself, bent forward on the table. I got up and walked her sleeping figure to her, and took her in my arms.

I saw her move barely, just enough to see her curl up against my chest, clutching my sweatshirt between her fingers.

It was instinctive for me to hold her close to her chest, leaving a kiss on her forehead.

I laid her down on her bed and lay down beside her again, taking her in her arms. I stroked her curls, smiling. I watched her as she breathed softly beside me. Before now I hadn't gotten to watch someone while she sleeps, especially the girls I was with for two or three nights. They went to their house the next morning without waking me. Or sometimes I would get out of bed and go to sleep on the sofa after sitting on my bed thinking about Milla, and why he didn't notice me. Now, however, I could feel it on the skin and in the air that it was different. I felt how delicately that figure that rested in my arms can have. How much sweetness and fragility I could see from her features, however rigid even in sleep.

As if she was afraid ..

But afraid of what?

I ran my fingers over her cheek, going down to the crook of her neck. I saw her as she took on a strange, annoyed expression. She moved closer to me.

Slowly, my eyelids began to get heavy too, and I fell, again, into a deep sleep ..

I was beside her, her hands resting on my chest, like my forehead on hers. Our breaths merged with each other; there is no more beautiful feeling than loving someone you know nothing about, not a word, not a gesture, not a past thing that marked her heart. Because when you have someone around you you don't know anything about, you push yourself to love them more. You push yourself to love her mystery, her secrets. You love being able to discover everything about that person, with the right time. And maybe, if I would have fallen in love with her, I would have loved her every day as the first of her. Like the first day she let me touch her heart.

***

I woke up to the cell phone vibrating in my sweatshirt pocket. I muttered something indecipherable putting my hand inside, and grabbing it. I turned it off directly: I didn't want anyone to pester me again. I would have answered everyone in due time!

He opened her eyes completely, aiming them at her. She was already awake and she was looking at me.

"You have very green eyes .." she murmured in a hoarse voice. She surely had woken up to my goddamn phone.

“Do you like them?” I asked.

She nodded and buried herself in my arms, closing her eyes again. I wrapped her in her arms so that she was comfortable. Then, with my free hand, I grabbed her blankets and spread them over both of our bodies.

Every now and then I felt her shivering from the cold.

“What's wrong with that?” She asked, still keeping her eyes closed.

"Nothing, baby .." I whispered. "I could hold you in my arms as many times as you want .."

I heard her laugh after that. "Of course you're a crazy crafty .." she Then she lifted her face opening one eye: "How many did you tell?"

"To two women." I admitted.

She didn't answer, she just squeezed.

"You and my mother .." I whispered. "I haven't seen her for a while .."

There was silence again, I almost thought she was completely asleep. I lowered her gaze a little and she stood with her eyes open, her hand close to her face, and she steadied on my sweatshirt with the fabric between her fingers. She was lost in her thoughts ..

“Aren't you talking to her?” She asked Me in a sweet tone of voice, and at the same time full of compassion, melancholy.

"No. For now. No. I've never actually been with my head on my shoulders. You see me like that, but until recently I was different." I sighed. "I used drugs and she did not accept this, she was afraid for me. Put that then I also started drinking! She was tired of this life I was leading, and I was tired of always seeing her on me, and seeing her feel bad for me . "

I wasn't used to talking about it, and I didn't know how positive it was to talk about it with her, but, I know I needed it. I felt like she was the right person to share my kid nonsense with.

"Not having a father present is difficult. A mother, a woman, can give you everything you need: from affection to severity, but a figure that has more strength and a firmer fist, in the life of a little boy, - or little girl -, it always takes .. "

I said it in a tone of voice that did not reveal any perceptible emotion. She looked into my face.

“I know it's bad to say, in the end my mother gave everything for me, but I am this only because I learned from my mistakes, and to give me an education was the road, and people both good and bad!” I exclaimed! to end that speech.

It was strange that I had opened up to her like this. I had the impression that, to tell people about you, he had to spend time, and yet not with her, not here, in this bed. Not with her in my arms, where time seemed to stand still. Sometimes opening up to one person is easier than keeping everything inside. And I, stupid, who believed the opposite!

"I think I can understand you, in a way…" she whispered. I saw her shrug on her shoulders, then snuggle up to me again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked. I wanted to know something about her, I felt the need for her. I wanted to know what her eyes were hiding when I saw her staring a point ahead of her for long seconds.

She shook her head: "Not now, Mirko. For me it's all a big taboo and it's hard to get it out from one point to another. I have suffered enough, and I came here to Milan to change everything; from me, to my life , to feel good and calm. "

"Don't worry, we would have time .." I whispered.

We looked at each other again for long moments. Her eyes were talking about her at that moment, and it was as if she wanted to tell me everything without speaking, like the little desire she hid in those dark wells.

“If I kiss you, will you run away again?” I whispered with my heart in my throat.

"Try .." Her voice was also a whisper.

I brought my lips to hers and started kissing her gently. A little kiss to mold. She closed her eyes and we continued kissing, getting better and better. More and more.

How do you depend so much on a simple kiss?

I would have liked not to stop. Her lips were soft and delicate. I almost enjoyed kissing them again and again and again.

“If you haven't run away, does that mean you liked it?” I joked.

She started laughing and hugged me. We fell asleep again, hugging each other.

I had kissed her, finally.

***

When I woke up I was alone on her bed. Next to me was a note:

"Thanks for the evening, for staying with me.

You're the first guy I've slept with and it makes me weird!

You are sweet while you sleep. Write me on my number 334 *** ***

Exit the window as you entered! If Nina sees you

I kill you!

Little Mirko .. <3 "

I smiled and kept that note in my pocket. I settled down and went out the window, returning home to take a shower, and then go to work.

But good things don't last long, that's the problem.

And my problem was Milla.