UNTIL DAYLIGHT

1. Think of me as you never thought of me until now, think hard of me. I looked at the sky above my head, it was surrounded by gray clouds, a gray tending to dark, and the fresh air was an accomplice on that first September evening. The summer was over early, and by now it seemed that the sun had taken the holiday after these 3 months of heat, leaving room for the gray, and in the evening, to go down earlier. I sighed as I retrieved the sweatshirt I had brought with me this morning from my bag. Finally my shift was over, and the next day I could devote myself to my weekly rest, and looking for a rented apartment. How quickly a person's life changes: the day before you had the roof over your head, the one who raised you, the one who had seen everything with you, and the next day I returned from a roof that knew nothing about me! "Good evening Mrs. Frazzi, do you need help?" I placed the bag in my shoulder as I crossed the threshold of the b & b where I had been staying for two weeks. Luckily I was able to afford it thanks to work, and by now, even the old lady in front of me, sitting behind the counter with her usual egnimistic week, was used to my presence. She looked up for a few seconds, wearing her eyeglasses over her short hair: "I didn't hear you coming. Did you finish earlier today?" She asked me as she tidied up the counter removing those few paperwork. "Anyway, don't worry. She has already done everything Agnes." She gave me a comfortable smile. I nodded. "Yes, today I made the opening and Carlo let me go early. Excuse me if sometimes I enter silently." She shook her head, hinting at a small smile: "Even my husband was like you. Often I would find him in front of the counter and I continued without realizing that he was there, still staring at me." I approached her, managing to see her melancholy in her blue eyes, now tired from her advanced age. I thought about how nice it had been to have grandparents to rely on. Of grandparents like Mrs. Frazzi: she is only apparently cold, but with a heart capable of melting glaciers. That's the beauty of people like her. People with a cold, hard character; they know how to take your heart. In a way, they know things about you that you didn't even think about. People like her, left alone, keep company with the objects around her: she learns about them, and they learn about her. “Would you like if we have dinner together tonight?” I asked not to leave her alone any longer than she already was. “I'm going to buy something in the nearby deli!” I suggested hoping she would accept. "You are the only one, besides Agnese, that I love a lot. Too bad this is an activity, I would have let you live here with me." feelings of her. Because it's hard to do, right? He seemed wary as she watched me considering my invitation. Then a broad smile appeared on her face: "I'm in! Don't forget I like parsley potatoes!" I started laughing and went to the front door. I put on the sweatshirt and again ran into the cold air that was staying in Milan. *** I took the headphones out of my bag and plugged in, opening spotify. The first folders that appeared on the screen were my playlists. I remained with my head on the screen busy scrolling to choose the song, while the handle of the bag threatened to slip. I was distracted, as always, so much so that I always found myself fumbling strangely to fix everything on my shoulder, risking losing a headset, or getting my hair stuck between the handle of the bag and my shoulder. Moving to Milan had been a difficult choice, I certainly hadn't thought about it, or planned it, like that at any moment. I was tired of always seeing the same faces, the same people, the same places. It was often said that you risked going crazy seeing the exact same things every day. We grew old with a still image to the moments lived and lived again, for minutes, days, and hours! Often one is trapped in the place where one is born. We are always afraid of what may appear new, and the first thought is always: "Maybe it goes wrong .." I was afraid to leave. I was afraid of not being able to find anything that reflected what little I wanted to have; a roof over my head that I could keep. The thing that I was able to conquer immediately was the tranquility that I lacked! I had abandoned that sense of stress and heaviness that I had carried with me for almost 22 years of my life. When things change, places, emotions, people, you change a little too. You change the way you see things, the way you start your days, and the desire you have to explore that new place that had welcomed you, and collected you, as you do when you find a small pet in the middle of the road. Either you save him, or you leave him to that fate in which he will have to learn for himself to get by! And I had had both, in this case: I had been saved, and now I was learning to get by myself, seriously. I was happy with all of this! I was happy to have left behind my parents, those jobs that had me unsatisfied, but at least I had learned to know my every ability. I just had to put them into action. Starting again from me was like being reborn, taking the world in hand, my life in hand, and making it clear that I was the creator of what I wanted for me, to keep what little I was building with my skills. I had found someone who welcomed me, who gave me a bed, hot water, and even some meals the first days I arrived. Not all people you meet do harm. I had learned this too! Milan was surrounded by the voices of my favorite artists, which track after track, accompanied me to the b & b. I had some pasta and potatoes for Signora Frazzi. I shrugged at the cold sensation I felt in that instant. The temperatures were lower than before, and it was strange to see people in heavy sweatshirts, but this was the north. It was like this. Someone came on me, I almost risked that my dinner slipped to the floor. I looked up to see if that guy had stopped, but he was walking covered by the hood of his sweatshirt, and some gloves on his back, hanging down. "Of course you are polite!" I blurted out, arranging the envelopes to check if nothing had opened: "I have not yet found anyone who knows how to apologize here!" I continued to speak alone, with that shape that gradually receded. “Ah, f**k it!” I exclaimed after giving up. I hurried back to the b & b to have dinner, and then go to sleep.