THE LOST COORDINATE

MYSTERIOUS SMILE

“Why are you sleeping, my dearest child? Wake up, wake up!” said by a tiny voice, repeatedly haunted my ear.

I slowly opened my eyes, at the same time as it quickly closed. The whole place is luminous. The dazzling sunlight penetrates my sight. Trees and flowers will be noticed dancing to the song of the wind. Birds chirping with delight. This is the world that everyone dreams of, the place where everyone will go.

“Are you happy, my love?” Those blue lights with a tiny voice in front of me. It laughs weakly, as it moves away.

I quickly got up and follow the mysterious lights.

I followed it long enough; it went to the area with tall grass. It’s so vast, it seems endless. The fog can be seen, partially covers the whole place. As the time went on, the fog got thicker along with the gradual disappearance of the blue lights.

I ran faster as I can as if I didn’t get tired. Strive to follow the light until it completely disappeared.

I gripped on my knees tightly as I chased my breath. I could see nothing but the tall grass and thick clouds.

“I can see you.” A tiny voice behind me, I turned quickly, it was the blue light, it was brighter than before but this time it was alone. With my aching feet, I didn’t hesitate to follow.

I look like a little kid, chasing an astray butterfly. The light it makes seems attracting my mind.

Soon it stopped. It seems like waving happily, saying goodbyes as it slowly faded away. I could clearly see the glimpse of sunlight on the thick grass. I slowly parted the tall grass in front of me and there I saw it, a place that you wouldn’t think is real.

In front of it, were the students I had been with for a long time. The students who have already seen what’s awaits them behind the huge door.

I’m facing their back, they look like they watching something.

Comrade! Everyone! I shouted gladly. This is the moment that miraculously happened in my life, what I’ve been longing for a long time, the return of those days that have been gone.

They slowly turned around as if something was holding them back. From their faces, the sadness you never thought existed. Suffering is in their eyes, crying for justice. There are words in their mouth, asking for help, begging for mercy, and complaining in pain, the terrifying presence of death.

Gradually the darkness engulfed them, as they shed tears with blood, slowly flowing from their eyes. This is the place of violence and cruelty.

I shouted loudly, but no voice coming out. I tried to run, but my legs weren't moving. I shut my eyes tightly, but still, I can hear their screams in agony, a nightmare.

I got up quickly while catching my breath. Those details, it was clearly playing in my mind, it seems real like it was actually happening in real life, in this present day.

I looked around and examined the place. I see nothing but a tidy and quiet room, the sadness of being alone. I didn’t even hear the strange sound that wakes us up every morning. There’s a deafening silence. It feels like I was experiencing another nightmare with no way to wake up.

I quickly made my bed and hurried to the dining hall.

“Good Morning!” She happily greeted me while removing the plates out of the table. She is 5425, a considerate and very understanding lady.

“Sorry, we didn’t wake you up; we knew you were too tired. This is the first you didn’t respond to the strange sound. But don’t worry; we already talked to Ms. Melinda about it, and you know what, she just smiled and let you sleep more.” She said happily.

She walked near me and put her both hands on my cheeks.

“Not all the time you need to be alone. We’re family, right? You’re not alone. You are always fixing your own problem in your own way, alone, and never asked help from anyone. You are free to approach us; we have nothing to deprive you of. Whoever needs a break, you deserve it the most. You should take care of yourself, just like how you taking care of those children.” She said it with full of concern and appreciation before saying goodbyes and left.

I sat down slowly and eat my breakfast by myself.

“He can talk, right?” Ms. Melinda whispered behind me.

(Sounds of coughing) I momentarily forgot to breathe due to the shock of what I heard. I was startled, and almost choking because of the shock and astonishment.

“How did she know?” I quickly went back to the events of the previous days. I’m sure I didn’t tell it to anyone, not even her. I know to myself that this is the first time we talk again. What’s really going on in this place? I asked to myself with full of astonishment.

She looked me in the eyes and slowly smiled.

“So, it’s true. I’ve known you since childhood. Of all the students, you are the one I love the most. You can’t hide anything from me, not even once.”

“Tell me. What other secret are you keeping from me? “She asked mysteriously.

I slowly drank the water along with swallowing it quickly. All of a sudden, she would show up at times I didn't expect it. Her being observant is more than like a hawk.

You can’t really imagine how mysterious his words are. He can compare to a person with enough knowledge but his looks are in the form of a child. You have no idea what kind of action is contained in his eyes. “You are free to ignore what I say. He is just a child.” I responded seriously.

Nothing? There’s nothing? She teasingly asked. I know everything. You are all my children and I am your mother. You have no place to hide but only in my arms.

"You're gradually learning. You quickly understand everything, and that's something you should worry about. You receive advice but you don't understand the words. Be careful my dear.” I felt nervous in her words. Each letter of it seems piercing my chest. Something’s going on.

It left quickly, just like free air. No one can ever deceive her eyes. She’s hiding something from us.

I quickly put away my food and hurried to a place that could be compared to the library room in the field of knowledge, the room where 5050 is.

I opened the door loudly. As usual, it innocently sat in the toilet in one of the bathrooms of each bedroom while reading. The room he claimed, that it’s only for him.

For him, this is what he considered as home. Distant and closed from any voices and words.

Of all the children I was the only one who knew his true ability. Even Ms. Melinda didn't know about it. He quickly remembers everything. The things he sees around him. The walk of the ants, how fast it gets to their burrow. As soon as his eyes saw the words, it would never leave his mind, the timidest of all students.

“22” he said softly.

It is still clear in my mind, that time; he is still young and innocent. He doesn't talk to anyone but me. Even though his personality is weak, his ability cannot be denied.

“Are you with someone? You’re not going to introduce me to them, right?” He innocently asked.

Times have passed but its habitual behavior has not changed. Fear in the presence of other people and in the darkness of the room, he chose to stay. For him, this will be his life, until the end. That’s something I won’t let to happen.

No, I wouldn’t do that. I will not do something that will ruin our friendship. I calmly explain.

I knew in my mind that this is not the right timing for that. I want to show him the changes around but it’s not the right time. It was like a small mollusk, not ready to come out from its shell.

Believe it, one day you will choose a place with other children, away from the darkness of the path you taking. I promise, I said softly while holding his cheek.

I wanted to tell him something but I changed my mind. I left and didn’t bother him anymore, I just continued walking towards the playroom, the place where the kids having fun.

Just like before, you will notice the happiness in every corner as if there’s no place for sadness.

From my left, there is Ms. Melinda, standing happily. Her dedication to its duty is really admirable. Every student here, idolizing her.

What is her past? This is the first time I felt interested in someone’s life. Is it possible that there’s darkness lurking in the depths of her mind? A violence that has been happened before and buried in oblivion. What exactly is the story behind her smiles? Whatever it is, no one knows.

I watch her while standing in the corner. The joy in her eyes is indescribable as she watches the children. Observing and taking care of the children are the very important things for her.

It quickly turned to where I was until our eyes met. Her smiles were very calm, a smile without anger or sarcasm.

With a doubt, I tried to smile.

Even with doubt, I tried to smile, coinciding with the violent tension around. I know she clearly sees the lie that fake smiles can’t hide, the doubt that etched on someone’s face.

Her presence was so warmth. You will feel nothing but the caress of love. Love that is hidden, hidden in action and eyes but conveyed by the heart, this is the best home, the home that shaped and taught to speak.

My aspirations and dreams seemed to change quickly. A doubt of something strained to haunt my mind, theirs a gradual entry of gruesome violence into the stillness of the place.

I watched the children closely. No, I would not trade the family I longed for, just for the beauty of a place that my eyes have never seen. Whatever danger awaits everyone at that door, we will face it together.

I turned my gaze back to Ms. Melinda. Her smiles never faded, it keeps on brighter even more. It can be compared to the celebration that continues to take place on an endless night, the pleasure followed by another pleasure.

Too much joy can be seen on her face. Her heart leaped with happiness, but still, I could not explain the silence contained in it.

Her smiles contain mystery. It was like a dark clouds looming in the middle of the desert. It can be compared to the smelly air in the middle of the night. Things that are hard to explain but actually exist, you can feel it and seen it with your own eyes.

Behind the thick irons, in every corner of the room, in the image of the whole place that has long been imprinted on my mind, in front of children regardless of fear and apprehension; persevering like a lion.

Twinkling like a star in the sky, she’s wearing a mysterious smile.