THE LOST COORDINATE

Smiling while the tears keep flowing. The face is covered with sadness, groaning quietly in the darkness of the void. That was the first time I glimpsed those face and imprinted on my young mind. The lips slowly opened at the same time the words came out. Those words are deeply ingrained in my consciousness. The sobs were so cold. The moan seems pleading to get away and search for something or belonging. The palm was cold, but I can feel the warmth of her love while she gently caresses my head. The longing’s behind the sadness of expiation. She quickly moves away while muttering softly. It seems like a bitter fate pinching my heart. The voices were too loud than the calm night. There’s is no day that I didn’t spend my time in studying. There is nothing more beautiful than having a family. Ten years passed, I lived happily in the care of Ms. Melinda and the other kids like me. And it didn’t long, they become my friends and I can consider as a family. But there is only one thing that has been imprinted on my mind since I was a born: solicitude. From my left side, a naïve child just awakened to the presence of the world. I held his hand tightly, and from behind of Ms. Melinda and the children, the footsteps followed. Are you okay? I asked. I noticed that he hadn’t spoken since morning. He looks at me calmly, as if to indicate that there was nothing to worry about. “Everything is okay”: the voice inside my mind. He was like the morning wind and the gentle waves of the ocean. The word silence can be seen in his eyes. I stop paying attention to him or bother him anymore. He still has a lot to learn but all of that should not be rushed. I just focused my mind on preparing and studying for exams. I knew he was not still used in this place; he did nothing but look in every corner of it. Kids, it's the time! Ms. Melinda said. Ms. Melinda, is it okay if I take him with me? I happily asked. I have a lot of things to teach and share with him and I want to include them in his experience for his next step. She nodded happily, meaning she agreed to what I wanted. (Strange sound) I slowly sat down on my seat, the thirty-fifth, while he stood beside me and watching silently. In the whole place, I can say that this room is the most spacious than the rest. It was made for fifty students. Each seat has a wall with the letter C shape, one a half-meters apart. In front of it, is engraved the number of students and this is also their identity. The computer opens automatically as questions appear, meaning it’s time to start. I read the sentence carefully, trying to understand the meaning of the word is implied. As always, most of the questions are still about language. I gently patted both my cheeks. (sigh) I still need to improve my studies. (Strange sound)The question on the computer quickly disappeared as it closed. I closed my eyes tightly as if laziness enveloped my whole body. “This day is really tiring!” I whispered in my mind. I gently stood and walk slowly. Each student’s scores can be seen on the large screen TV monitor. As usual, my number is still not in the top ten qualifiers. Then I just remembered the little boy, the weakness quickly disappeared to my mind. I turned my back quickly and the energy came back to my body as if nothing had happened. Like before, he stood quietly and it seems like he’s observing something strange. I gently held him. “I think you already know what the test is?” I asked calmly and pointed my hand in the direction of the monitor. On that screen, you can see the score you got after the exam. Only those top ten students who got a high score will be shown on the screen. Those students, who qualified in the top ten, will be placed in the lower room of this place. Just like the seven children, you saw recently. There, they are free to choose their family. The family everyone dreams of. I explained. “For now you need to get your number first.” ”you see this number,” I pointed the number at my left eye. You need it for identification. It’s like a name. Most of the children already have a number of their own before they arrive here. You had a serious illness, so they postponed it. They focused more on maintaining your strength and restoring your vitality. I looked at him. (sigh) He just looked straight ahead as if he doesn’t hear anything. This one is really weird than the other kids. I whispered to myself. I just kept on walking and pointed to him every corner of the whole place. From now on, you will sleep here with the other children. I accompanied him to a room, the room only for children age four to six. This place can be considered as a school. It consists of ten rooms. The exam room; where each student’s ability is carefully assessed. The toilet: the most important place to avoid health complications and maintain the health of each child. The kitchen and dining hall is one of the cleanest rooms in the whole place. In here, the delicious and healthy food was served, in here also, everyone has the opportunity to meet and partake. The clinic, the only place where a sick child stays and cure, and for them, this is their protector. The library room, in here the hidden abilities and talents are shaped and cultivated. Also, in this room, a child learns spontaneously without any help from others. Here, everyone is free to explore things with their own ability, the most difficult stage of development. The four bedrooms, first bedroom for children ages one to three, age four to six for the second, seven to ten for the third, and ages eleven to twelve for the fourth. Ms. Melinda’s room is the second that is strictly forbidden to enter. The first is the central room, the single exit area. You can only enter here when you are one of those students with a high grade and belong to the age eleven to twelve. The room everyone dreams of. He sat down slowly, in his eyes you can see the trace of astonishment along with the question that formed from it. Before I left, I also explained to him the other details of the place; the breakfast time in the morning, lunch in the afternoon, dinner at night, bath time, and bedtime. I hurriedly walk toward the central part of the area where the children could play freely. Just like before, it is still surrounded by fun. Children can smile freely without suffering; it is far away from sadness. I quickly went to the whereabouts of Ms. Melinda who’s currently playing with kids. She was close to the children and children also love her. Ms. Melinda, I calmly call her. How are you? She asked me. Suddenly sadness enveloped my mind. It was like something was missing from the smiles. This is the place where you will wake up alone, without family or friends. But you have to continue living, adapt and understand everything. Eventually, you will learn to accept, that it is a home and recognize those around you as a family. But that doesn’t exist in her; all I can see is sadness loneliness in her eyes. He's different, isn’t he? She said with a gentle smile. I cared for him for the past one year, and with those times I never saw his true smiles and mutter about anything, not even once. His body was lifeless, but his eyes were glowing with light. One day he was able to smile, the smile of an ordinary child when he saw his mother. But the doubt still lingering in my mind, it seemed as if there was something on his mind. Like he was hiding something and don’t want others to know it. I was wondering. She said and continues muttering. Ms. Melinda! I interrupted her words because I can’t understand what she’s saying. It seems like, she wants to know something and tries to give an answer. 1122! She says seriously. I suddenly felt a strange nervousness. This was the first time I saw her face like that; she is not the Ms. Melinda that I know. The person I can consider as sunshine because of her cheerful personality. Moments later it was back to normal. Nothing, she said while smiling. Maybe I was tired of playing with kids. Slowly, she stood up and walked towards her room. Seems like she said something I shouldn’t hear. Sister, said of the small voice behind me. Then I noticed a small hand pulling my shirt. Oh, it’s you! I respond happily. She was my younger sister. It was 3 years since Ms. Melinda utter those sad words. “My mother abandoned me!” That’s the darkest truth I still trying to erase from my mind. But I didn’t think that there’s something worse than that. Sister? How many sins did she want to complete in her life? I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing. Every time I look at her smiles, sadness, and anger gradually take place in my heart. How can a mother able to forget her children? Those questions that until now still not having an answer. I stroked her hair gently while wiping my tears away. She looks at me and smiles with those eyes that full of love and happiness. I closed my mind and imprinted the words firmly in my mind. “I promised, you will never be alone. I will be always by your side. I will make sure that you don’t need to seek the love from a mother.” The long night quickly passed. My eyes were closed, but in my mind, I could clearly see her face. Bewildered, that’s what wakes me up from my deep sleep. (Strange sound) It’s time for breakfast. I stood up and made my bed, and slowly stepped my feet out on the door. Everyone smiles happily while greetings each other. ‘’It’s just an ordinary day, isn’t it?” I asked myself. Those smile that builds and guides me to overcome the annoying sadness. I can’t even repay it. "Are you alright? Someone said behind me. She smiled peacefully as if the sun had not appeared throughout the night. “Looks like you did not sleep well.” Concern can be seen on her face but it was contrary to what her eyes are saying. "She gently stroked my hair and smiled. Take care of yourself. Even the firm mind needs rest. She said calmly. Just like before, her care is still incomparable. She is like a mother who never gets tired of guiding her children. But I couldn’t feel the love from her words." "Take care of yourself, not all the time there is someone who will guide you and look for you. Remember, you will not find the opportunity when you need it. You have nothing to rely on but your own weakness." The last word I heard from her before she walked away.