Couple's Counseling

Pulling another one of the elastic strings, connecting the garter belt to the stockings that stopped in lace designs on my upper thigh, I looked at my reflection, my eyebrows furrowed as I didn't recognize the woman that stared back at me, Her make up heavy and expertly done, the vibrant green of her orbs standing out against her soft-looking almond-colored skin, That made the bold red that tainted her lips stand out even more. And what covered her body had to truly be some joke, The lacey black material barely managed to cover any part of my body, if it did any, It brought out the curves of my body, and seemed to hold my breasts in a chokehold that my girls were trying to escape of, The lacey garter Belt around her waist accentuated her tiny waist, and the elastic strings it released, ran down, calling attention to her slender legs and, of course, the center of it all, that I'm quite sure he loved more than he loved me. She was a total stranger to me, there was no way we could be the same person, especially not after my eyes focused on her hair, It was smooth, too smooth, Instead of its messy usual curls, It had been, much to my disapproval, blown out and then put into soft waves, that made it look good, better than I could achieve, no surprise there, but Meghan did not need to know that. The only thing that stood as solid proof to the identity of the woman in the mirror, was the sparkling letter A, that rested on her chest -more like squished between her melon-sized breasts- that one would never come off. I received that pendant as a gift the first time a book of mine made it to the New York Times bestseller list, I had just turned twenty at the time, and I was overjoyed, couldn't even sit for more than two minutes, It was one of the happiest moments of my life, I felt like I had done something despite everybody's doubts, I knew at that moment, I had made my parents proud, Did thought of it all bring a smile to my face as remembered it, Not this time, no, I was more uncomfortable than I had ever been, I'm the kind of person that is always comfortable in my skin, I speak what I think and if I'm not caught in third wheeling a conversation between my boyfriend and one of his fans, I'm usually very confident in the person I am, But looking at myself in the mirror, this glammed-up version of myself of me starring at me with that mocking expression- even though it was a reflection of my face, so I'm pretty sure there was no way I was glaring and she was mocking- made my insides turn, on how alike I looked to the Barbies I had to go against fighting for his attention, Is it possible to be jealous of yourself?, cause I'm pretty sure I am, jealous that is, at least of this version of me. "Babe, glaring at the mirror is not gonna make the outfit disappear" I looked up, glaring at her through the mirror, before turning to face the girl that was as good as dead to me if she didn't stop, "you're supposed to be on my side," I said offended, "And I am, but you're the one who came up with this whole lingerie idea, don't blame me for finding your expressions hilarious," she said, her smile growing bigger if it was possible, my glare only intensifying, "You know, this is what we're friends for, so you can call me out on stupid ideas" I spat out bitterly, she only laughed at me, One hell of best friend I'll tell you that, The whole time it took me to find this one set of -scratchy, getting in places it shouldn't and doing a job any of my other clothes could without choking me in the process- lingerie, Joy has done nothing more than laugh at me, She laughed as Meghan dragged me to store after store, for three hours, then left with a dent about six thousand dollars deep in my bank account, then abused me for another hour making me choose a pair of killer heels I'm sure as hell burying in the building's garden after tonight, Every single time, Joy so much as opened her mouth to tell me what she thought of a certain piece I wore, I felt an immense need to drag her by her braids and into the arms of that fashionista, just so she'd have a taste of Meghan, For some reason, I didn't though. In her true Jenkins fashion, the mocking smile never wavering, she stood up straighter no longer leaning on the door frame, a black dress in her hands as she walked towards me, before placing said dress in my hands, "It's impossible to convince you of something when you've taken an insecurity driven decision" she started simply, "Yeah, well you could've at least tried," I said still glaring, she only rolled her eyes at me, Placing her hand on both my shoulders, she lowered her head to look at me square in the eye, Her brown orbs glistened with humor, yet managed to lock me in a trance, that made me believe every single one of her words, "It doesn't matter anymore, you've done all of this already" she gestured to my body, "and although it's really funny how much it seems like you want to murder your reflection, you look gorgeous" She took a few steps black, looking at me up and down slowly before she resettled on my eyes, "Gray is a fool if he doesn't appreciate all this, he is not worth your time if he prefers somebody else" I smiled widely at that, "You think," I asked, some semblance of confidence finally sipping to my tone, "I know so" Three little words that made my day. It has been a while since I last saw Grayson, a month to be precise, He has been working a lot and had to travel to attend to his business more directly, The daily calls no longer do it for me, especially, when he makes use of those to cancel out dates, it happened at least five times already and I starting to get tired, I don't mind sharing, his line of work demands me to ignore a lot, but a month is stretching it. Tonight is the night though, he assured me multiple times that this time he was coming home for sure, and that he'd be mine, and only mine for at least the next two months, He probably doesn't even realize how happy that makes me feel. "I have to go" Joyce mumbles in front of me, pulling me out of my thoughts, "Why," I ask displeased, the smile dropping from my lips, "Winston is waiting, she says, she has a surprise for me" I love the smile that comes to her every time she mentions Winston, I'm happy that she's happy, "Alright then, I guess you have to go" she nodded, still smiling, "I'll see you tomorrow, we can decide then whether or not Grayson needs to go, I'm always down to help you bury the body," she says before turning away, walking in the direction of my bed, picking up her phone, and bag, she exists the room, before coming back in, apparently forgetting something, "I hope you don't make it to the restaurant" my eyebrows creased at that, "Why" I prompted, Her gaze dropped to my chest I noted, "I feel bad for how squished they look," she said quickly, before closing the door, I rolled my eyes at that, I hope we wouldn't make it to the restaurant either, but that was for a completely different reason.  I'm ready, I thought as I slid the charm bracelet around my wrist, Looking at myself in the mirror, this time a proud smile stretched my lips, I was dressed to seduce, And if my whole ensemble - that frankly cost more than any book in my library ever would- didn't make it the, f**k me, words I planned to transmit, Then the angry shade of green my eyes had taken had to get the message across, This is one of those, don't play with me cause I'm extremely horny, moments, and I hate those moments, Feels like I've been starved for decades and my body just can't handle the thought of finally getting what it wants, The possibilities are driving me crazy. My phone ringing is what brings me out of the daze, The chorus to Gabrielle Aplin's song, Home, echoing through the walls in his soft voice, That ring is just for him. Not wasting time, I race out of my closet, picking up my phone and answering it, "I've got a riddle for you," I say, as I slowly sit down on my bed, careful not to ruin my clothes, "What's black, has a lot of holes and gets in places it definitely shouldn't" that earns me a deep chuckle, and I feel the whole of me tingle at the mere sound of him, "Hey baby" his tired voice greets, "Hi, I miss you" I admit, "I miss you too, can't wait to hold you" I smile nodding along, "I can't wait to be in your arms, I'm almost ready, just need to get my purse and we can meet in the..." His sigh makes the words die in my throat, "Al baby, I'm sorry" he begins, "You're not coming" I stated not asked, I felt the need to snort at that, the double sense of sentences like that made my day sometimes, But a sudden heaviness overtook my heart, and all I could feel was a disappointment, "No" the one-worded answer broke a tiny piece of my heart, I could just feel it. "What is it this time," I ask, It had been like this the entire month, what was supposed to be a day trip, turned into a week, then two, and eventually a whole f*****g month, Problems and more problems arose, and long he had to stay, A meeting here, autograph session there, then some surprise show, it didn't matter what it was anymore, something just always came up. "It's a meeting to discuss the new album cover, Cherie says the designers can't reach common ground regarding my vision, so she wants me to play mediator" I nod along with his words, His words make sense, I, myself have been stuck in situations like this countless times, It doesn't mean I don't feel hurt though. "Okay" there isn't much I can say, this things, Cherie is always coming up with new things for him to do, and I have long ago promised, that there was no way I'd ever get in the way of his job, his dream, I just have to be okay. "Al, please don't be sad, you know I wouldn't stay if I didn't have to" "I know, don't worry I'll just have dinner with London" He groans, "Don't say that, you cannot replace me with some dog" I laugh at his displeased tone, "I'll have you know, London is a true gentleman and delightful company for dinner" "That hurts" I laugh, I can just imagine him clutching his chest, face all scrunched up, For some reason, he never liked my dog, "So when are you back," I ask as my laughter subsidies, the heaviness in my chest increasing, "Probably later tonight, or maybe early tomorrow, I'll try to get this done as soon as possible, Junior is getting homesick" "Tell Júnior I miss him too, I'll be waiting wide open just for him" I tease earning myself a laugh, "You can never have a conversation without implying stuff can you Alice?" "You're one to talk Grayson" I deadpan, "Good luck with your meeting and everything else" "I promise I'll be back tomorrow, I'll spend as much time as you want making it up to you" "I know, you always do" That admission saddens me, things are different, too different, I hear his name being called in the distance, "I have to go, baby" "Okay" "I love you, please don't forget that" "I know that, I love you too" he sighs again, "Tomorrow, I promise," he says with certainty, the lump in my throat slightly dissolving, "Tomorrow," I repeat, "I'll see you when you get home" "Alice" he pleas, I'm not sure for what but I can hear the desperation in his voice, "It's okay, I love you, bye" I cut the call before he can respond, I throw my head on top of the comforter, hitting it with a soft thud, I stare at the ceiling, blinking multiple times to keep the tears in, "I miss him so much."